How to be an interesting conversationalist.
Most of all we want love and recognition. We are ready to do anything for them, and we suffer when we are pushed away. We feel that we are accepted and loved when they show interest in us and consider us an interesting person.
How to become a sociable and interesting person? How to become an interesting person to others?
It seems the simplest solution is to live like this interesting life that the story itself will arouse interest, or receive an interesting profession, such as those related to art or adventure. But it only seems so. There are terribly boring fashion photographers, and then there are bus drivers and dentists you can listen to for hours.
What is the secret of how to become interesting conversationalist. Experience many interesting adventures? Talk about interesting things? What matters is what you talk about, how you talk?
To become interesting to others, do you need to talk more or listen more? If you want to become a sociable and interesting person, do you need to change yourself, or is it enough to know some tricks?
In this article I will talk about how to become an interesting conversationalist at any age.
How to become an interesting conversationalist and sociable person?
Is it possible to become a bright and interesting person if it seems that you were born a boring gray mouse? - Can!
It's not about what kind of life you've lived, but what you've learned, whether you can look beneath the surface of things and events and find the meaning hidden from others.
To do this, you need to solve two problems: firstly, you need to arouse interest in yourself, and secondly, it needs to be warmed up and maintained. Both of these tasks are absolutely doable and consist of clear, simple steps. You will need patience and consistency, so the first condition for becoming an interesting and sociable person is to sincerely want it.
This is important because you will have to work hard. In addition, being an interesting conversationalist means deliberately attracting attention to yourself. Will you be comfortable in the spotlight?
If the answer is yes, then let's go!
How to arouse interest in yourself?
To arouse interest in yourself, you must first make sure that you are noticed at all. You can stand out with your appearance, clothes, natural or artificial beauty, but we will talk about how you can stand out with your speech so that you are noticed.
Let's take a simple example from life: think about what people notice most on TV. Clips, news, talk shows? No! Advertising.
Yes, you don't want to see it and change channels, but that's because it grabs your attention too much. Otherwise they wouldn't have done it.
What techniques make advertising so sticky? Can these techniques be used to attract the attention of others? Yes, you can!
Volume, speed, brightness, rhythm - that’s what catches you.
TV channels and radio stations specifically increase the sound level in advertising, even if there is quiet music playing in it: the video should stand out from the background of the program. This works on a biological level: everything big, loud, fast and bright is perceived as important and paid attention to.
If you want to be noticed, do the same: react faster, speak louder, move more, look and sound brighter. This will generate interest, which you can then maintain and develop.
Speak louder to get noticed.
We learned from our prehistoric ancestors: whoever speaks louder is in charge, he has something to say. This is how animals think, this is how people react.
Just don’t shout down or interrupt anyone, but don’t let others interrupt you either. Both are signs of insecurity.
And work on your voice so that you are pleasant to listen to. An unpleasant strange voice sound occurs as a result of muscle spasms in the speech apparatus, due to psychological discomfort from the fact that people are paying attention to you. Therefore, treat communication as a game, tune in to a state of calm and ease. Most people have a pleasant and natural voice when they are calm.
A person who understands his values is ten times more interesting than one who is in the dark about the motives and goals of his actions.
How understanding your own and other people's values helps in life. Story.
Olga moved from Ukraine to Switzerland to work as a finance director in an international corporation.
At first, she felt uncomfortable because of the topics her new compatriots talked about. After every weekend or vacation, they gave each other a detailed account of where they were, what hotel they stayed at, how much the room cost; what restaurant they dined at and how much the food cost; what they bought, and again - how much they spent on purchases.
These conversations seemed empty and unnecessary to Olga, but she was worried that she could not fit into the new society. Concern grew until she began the Speech Transformation program.
We figured out what values such communication is based on, why it is important for her new environment, and Olga, as an adult, was able to decide what to do: try to become an interesting interlocutor by adopting new values, or maintain the integrity of her personality and remain in away from other people's conversations.
Olga chose the second, now calmly realizing the reasons and essence of what was happening.
By understanding your values and those on which communication in your team is based, you can make an informed choice: continue trying to become an interesting interlocutor in an existing company or look for a new circle of friends.
Hello, dear friend!
In today's article, I would like to write about how to become an interesting conversationalist for a girl or a man. This article will be useful primarily to those who feel that they have communication problems. After reading this information, I am simply sure that your friends and acquaintances will be much more pleasant to communicate with you.
Have you ever had such a situation when you communicate with a person, but something is wrong with him. It seems that the communication is going well, but inside it’s somehow not comfortable, and you want to end the communication with him as soon as possible. Such people make many mistakes when communicating, which I will write about below, and, as a rule, this leads to the fact that they do not have a girlfriend, normal friends, or even a job. They are simply failures in life, primarily due to the fact that they do not know how to communicate correctly.
There are other people with whom, on the contrary, it is very pleasant to talk. It’s as if you’re drawn to them like a magnet; you want to listen to them and just be around them. Such people are often successful in life. As a rule, they have a girlfriend, many friends and a favorite job. Now I will try to write down the basic rules that you need to apply to become an interesting conversationalist.
1) Tell me interesting stories.
It is this point that I consider the most important. More than anything else, people love to hear real, interesting stories. And when you tell them, you give your energy to others and do not demand anything from them in return. Learn to simply tell something interesting that happened to you, or something that amazed you. If you learn to tell stories, then your acquaintances, friends, and, of course, beautiful girls will want to be with you all the time.
2) Make jokes.
When you joke, you give your interlocutor a positive mood. Then it will be very easy and pleasant to communicate with you. Look, a person is walking and is sad, and then he meets you, and you cheer him up, and also tell pleasant stories. Do you think this person will want to meet you again? Of course yes. A good joke and a nice story are the magnet that will attract others to you.
3) Give compliments.
It is very important for every person what others think about him. This desire for approval is present within each of us. When we walk down the street, we don't give a damn about the people we meet along the way, but we don't give a damn what those people think about us. We want to be considered smart, beautiful and successful. It was, is and will always be.
If it is so important for the person you are communicating with that you think well of him, then give him a compliment. Find what stands out about him and tell him about it. A compliment is the most nicer word for each of us, remember this. Even if he doesn’t react to it in any way, then inside he will remember you and your kind words about him for a long time.
4) Listen.
When they tell you a story, know how to listen to it. A person feels when you listen to him and when you just pretend that you are interested. If he understands that you don’t give a fuck about what you tell him, then believe me, he will no longer want to communicate with you and, especially, tell you something. When the person has finished his story, ask him something else, for example: “What happened next?”, “Why did this happen?” This will show that you were interested, and you would be happy to continue listening to it further.
5) Don't interrupt.
Very often there is a situation when a person starts talking about something, and then you remember your story and start telling it. You should never do this, it means that you don’t respect your interlocutor. If you remember a story, that’s very good, but tell it better when your friend stops talking.
6) Don't ask too many questions.
You can ask questions only when there is nothing more to say, or at the end, after a person has finished his story, in order to clarify something with him. In all other cases, questions work poorly. When you ask a question, it’s as if you are drawing the person’s energy. He needs to strain his brain and think to answer you. And if these questions come one after another, then it’s just terrible. Remember, the interlocutor is much more comfortable listening to your interesting story than answering stupid questions.
7) Don't criticize.
If a person has done something wrong, you don’t need to tell him: “You’re stupid,” “You’re bad.” Remember to crave approval. If you criticize your interlocutor in the presence of other people, then not only will he not want to talk to you, he will simply say to himself: “How I hate you.” If you are one of those people who really likes to criticize others, then remember, this is one of the reasons why you have so few friends.
8) Don't boast.
Sometimes it’s very pleasant to communicate with a person, he tells interesting stories, but all these stories boil down to the fact that he wants to praise himself: “I bought a car,” “I bought a house,” “Look how smart I am.” Just me, me, me! From the outside it looks very funny and, to be honest, a little annoying. If you bought yourself a new car, then sooner or later everyone will know about it, but it’s very bad to brag directly.
9) Train your voice.
Sometimes on the Internet you can read the following phrase: “It doesn’t matter what you say, it’s how you say it that matters.” And indeed, when speaking, your words mean little; your voice, gaze, facial expressions and gestures are very important. Your voice needs to be trained and there are a lot of different exercises on the Internet that will help you improve your speech. This is what I'm talking about.
10) Communicate.
This is a very important point. When you communicate with new people, you will get practice. Believe me, you will never learn to communicate well around a computer, even if you read 100 books. Yes, you will gain knowledge, but this knowledge means nothing if it is not put into practice. Therefore, right today try to use at least some of the rules from this article in practice, this is very important.
The ability to strike up a conversation and communicate with people helps to make new friends, climb the career ladder, increases self-esteem and generally only benefits a person. Relaxed small talk allows you to defuse the situation and hush up any awkward situation.
1. Don't be shy to ask questions
Do you want to know how to become an interesting conversationalist? There is nothing difficult about this. To begin with, forget about shyness and feel free to ask questions to people you don’t know. Ask your interlocutor what he does. The person’s answer will probably be quite long and the communication will not end there.
If you don't know where to start the conversation, ask the person what brought him to the business event or party where you met. How does this relate to his work or interests. Then use the answers to continue the conversation.
2. Give compliments
When telling how to become an interesting conversationalist, psychologists recommend giving people compliments. We love to be liked, and we want to continue the conversation with the person we like more. Compliments work equally effectively in both female and male company. When talking to a lady, compliment her appearance, outfit or jewelry, but for a gentleman it is enough to say that he looks great.
Are you painfully looking for questions to talk about? Don't waste your time, but ask your interlocutor for advice. Say, for example, that you want to know his opinion on a work project or the choice of wine for a holiday, ask if he knows about an upcoming event or if he has seen a new movie. People like to help others and get satisfaction from it. Even the most modest and silent person, having heard your request, will show a different side and, in the literal sense of the word, blossom.
4. Tell us about yourself
When thinking about how to build a conversation, it is not necessary to form a list of questions and predict possible answers to them. Try not to ask questions to the interlocutor, but to the first one. This technique is especially effective for starting a dialogue with shy men and women. Seeing your openness, they will relax and be more willing to make contact.
5. Use circumstances
If you don't know where to start a conversation, use your surroundings: you can start a conversation about the weather, the results of a sports game, the speakers on stage if you are at an event, etc. After that, smoothly move on to more interesting topics.
6. Find common interests
To know in the future how to build a conversation with a new acquaintance, find common interests. It could be anything: a love of fishing, reading books, drawing, collecting scale models of equipment.
7. Use active listening techniques
By finding topics and questions to talk about, you will earn a reputation as a pleasant conversationalist. To do this, not only speak, but also listen carefully to the other person. Look at your interlocutor when he is telling something, nod to him and, if necessary, help him choose the right phrases.
8. Smile
Knowing how to start a conversation is only half the battle. When conducting a conversation, it is important to show that you are friendly to the person and show openness. To do this, smile more often. You can feel a smile even during a telephone conversation. However, do not overdo it so as not to be considered too frivolous.
9. Use “I” less often in dialogues.
Not knowing how to start a conversation, we begin to tell the interlocutor about ourselves. This is normal, but you should not constantly use the pronoun “I” in dialogues, demonstrating an overt attitude. Change the form of your statements. Having decided how to continue the conversation and telling your interlocutor something, instead of “I’m surprised,” say “surprising,” instead of “I want,” say “I want.”
10. Call your interlocutor by name more often
When telling how to continue a conversation or start it, it is worth clarifying: you must definitely find out the name of the interlocutor and actively use it in dialogues. It has long been known that it is difficult to find something more pleasant than the sounds of your own name.
11. Avoid complex terms and phrases
Don’t try to make yourself feel better by using complex scientific terms in conversation. Smart man and without this he will understand what you are. When expressing thoughts, explain complex things in simple terms.
People with whom it is interesting to communicate have been valued at all times, starting with the cavemen. After all, there is no greater pleasure for a person than to talk with his own kind, at the same time to show himself and listen to others. In general, a good conversationalist is a great rarity, and when you discover it, you feel an incomparable pleasure. Most of the people among whom our lives flow are either unable to put two words together, at least to do it logically and excitingly, or they are filled with nightingales, but are fixated on themselves, their loved ones, and are ready to devote dozens of hours to describing their boring life circumstances.
Is it possible to learn to be an interesting conversationalist if you naturally have neither eloquence nor special charm? Psychologists say it is possible. After all, the main quality that people value in communication partners is not the ability to speak beautifully, but the ability to listen well. And anyone can master this wisdom, especially if they have the desire.
What else should a person do in order to be considered a pleasant conversationalist and invariably gather interesting and popular personalities around him?
- Ask. We have already realized that the main thing people need is our interest. Observing our sincere interest in our person, people feel significant and worthy of admiration. And this is pleasant for everyone. To emphasize your interest in the words of your interlocutor, it is not enough just to listen to what he says. You need to ask questions that are relevant to the course of the plot: “What is he? What about her? What then? And how did they react to this? etc. It’s also good to nod your head, dilate your pupils in surprise and make exclamations of approval.
Say compliments and other nice things. Approve of the narrator's appearance, behavior, and attitudes. You like it all, don't you? If not, then why are you communicating with this person? Find yourself another, more congenial interlocutor. In your desire to be an interesting conversationalist, you don’t need to go too far and listen to the speeches of those who are not interesting to you. Conversation is a two-way process and both parties should have fun. If this happens, don't hesitate to put it into words.
- Observe your interlocutor. Maybe he's bored and wants to change the subject? Ask a question from another area that you think might be of interest to him. Tell us something yourself, look at his reaction. If he responds promptly, continue to develop the topic, ask his opinion on certain issues. If your pitch doesn't get traction, try something else. Talk about his friends, family, hobbies. Some topic will definitely be of interest to him.
If you are tired of listening and admiring, and you want to be heard now, this can also be arranged.
Learn to express your thoughts and opinions logically, easily and beautifully. If you are silent by nature or tongue-tied, you can and should fight this. You can start with a letter. Writing is easier than speaking: the situation is calm, there is no tension, there is time to think about elegant formulations. It doesn’t matter what you write: a diary, a personal blog, a detective story or an essay on a free topic. Even the result is not of paramount importance. The main thing is practice. You can develop the ability to express what you think with regular practice. Once you learn to communicate in writing, it will not be so difficult for you to move on to coherent oral speech.
- Practice talking. This is advice for inexperienced interlocutors who get lost in company, begin to mumble something indistinctly, insert remarks out of place and are often ready to fall into the ground. If you are afraid of everyone's attention and at the same time passionately desire it (not such a rare combination), first practice in front of the mirror. Choose an arbitrary topic, maybe at random, by opening a dictionary or book, and start developing it. The topic could be captive breeding of kangaroos or how an electric bicycle works. It doesn't matter. Don’t worry, no one can see you, you can talk complete nonsense and nonsense, the main thing is to do it easily and confidently. If you are afraid that they will hear you and call the paramedics, make sure you have privacy: check doors, windows and hidden places for bugs. You can record your speech on a voice recorder. This will make it easier for you to discover all the shortcomings of your oratory and correct them in order to be an interesting interlocutor.
- Read. To develop the ability to speak and tell stories, it is very useful to study examples: classics and modern literature, women's novels and police detectives, glossy magazines and political newspapers. In all this printed material you can find the element you need - a coherent and captivating speech. Adopt the experience of storytellers, use new words and interesting topics to increase your own status as an interesting interlocutor.
- Stay up to date. If you haven't watched the new film with Tom Cruise or read Pelevin's recently released novel, you won't have anything to discuss with your friends. Of course, if your friends are interested in these particular characters. Follow the latest news in sports or politics, on Facebook or YouTube, in glossy magazine or on the Fashion channel. And then they will contact you to learn something new, discuss events, and find out your opinion. At first, if you are an inexperienced talker, you can prepare your opinion in advance. But under no circumstances should you stop at this stage. Develop not only your speech, but also your brain. Have your own opinion on all issues.
- Develop a sense of humor. A witty interlocutor especially attracts attention, both of his own and of the opposite sex. And in our time, wit is especially valued, it’s not for nothing that KVN and Comedy Club are so popular, and every self-respecting channel has its own sketch show and other humorous delights. Acquiring wit or at least a reputation as a person with a sense of humor is difficult, but not impossible. Study primary sources. Read Ilf and Petrov, listen to the Humor FM radio and watch TV, there is especially a lot of funny stuff there, and not always in humorous programs. At first, you can use blanks: learned jokes, jokes heard somewhere, funny stories that happened to others. Just don’t force them into the conversation. Wait for the right moment to make a splash and hear a burst of laughter.
- Be yourself. But in its best, positive and optimistic version. If you are overcome by problems, there is no need to burden others with them with a gloomy expression on your face. Either remain silent, or talk about what happened with humor. This will not only amuse your interlocutors, but will also help you abstract from the situation and look at it from a different angle. Enjoy your communication; it is always noticeable and pleasant to those with whom you spend time. If that doesn't work, spend your time in some other way. There is no need to force yourself to do what you don’t want, this will inevitably lead to the accumulation of tension and damage to character and behavior.
