How to be an interesting person? How to be an interesting conversationalist.

A lot depends on the ability to find a common language with anyone. This includes career advancement, a successful personal life, and a large circle of friends. But how to become interesting conversationalist? What to say, about what and when? These questions concern both young people and experienced people. Let's figure out how to improve your communication skills.

You've probably met two different types of people. The former can easily join any team, calmly carry on a conversation and even entertain the company if necessary. For the latter, it is difficult to start a conversation with a stranger, it is difficult to select topics for conversation or speak in front of an audience. What is the secret of easy-to-communicate people, how to become an interesting interlocutor?

First of all, you should look at the type of temperament and character. People who move through life easily have a much simpler attitude towards many things. They are interested in many things, and they understand a variety of issues. With such a person it is not difficult to find a common theme for anyone. However, despite his erudition, such an interlocutor will never emphasize his superiority.

One more distinguishing feature an interesting interlocutor - a subtle sense of humor. His jokes are able to defuse the situation, but at the same time they are not vulgar or offensive. Funny incidents from life, unusual analogies and the ability to laugh at themselves make such people even more attractive interlocutors.

How to become an interesting person

A versatile personality is always interesting to others. But how to become interesting person and interlocutor? No matter how hard we try to study conversation technologies and select interesting topics, without a deep study of personal qualities it will be useless. You need to be interesting first of all to yourself. You must not only study a lot and learn new things, but also be able to operate with these facts. An interesting person will not stutter and remember historical event or a new joke. Train your memory and attention, this will help overcome communication difficulties.

What to read to develop communication skills

Many books, manuals and brochures are published every day around the world for those who want to master the secrets of positive communication. How not to drown in this sea of ​​information? What to read to become an interesting conversationalist? After all, if you take the first edition you come across, you may be disappointed.

Choose literature that has already stood the test of time and taken its rightful place on the shelves. Classic works of psychologists, theorists and practitioners will be very useful for further development communication skills. Not only will you learn proper communication techniques, but you will also be able to understand people better.

The Internet provides a wide range of opportunities for self-education. But when choosing a resource to increase knowledge, be careful and critical. Pay attention to who wrote the articles, whether the author has a pedagogical or psychological education. This will allow you to weed out obviously false information.

Periodicals will also be useful for self-education in the field of communication. Articles in them undergo mandatory editing and are often written in collaboration with professionals. They definitely won't do any harm. You can even make a selection of clippings for yourself to make them easier to use.

Basic rules of an interesting interlocutor

Having studied the theory of communication psychology, you can begin to practice. There are several techniques that will answer the question of how to become an interesting conversationalist:

Taboo topics for conversation

Not everything is worth talking about and not always. If you are thinking about how to become an interesting conversationalist, be sure to study, but never raise these questions:

1. Politics - this topic is too complex and multifaceted. Especially international, because a variety of events are constantly happening in the world. People can hold many different points of view, and categorically expressing one of them can easily lead to unnecessary conflict and tension.
2. Health – this topic is considered intimate. Not everyone is ready to discuss the details of their last visit to the dentist. Moreover, it is considered indecent to publicly talk about your illnesses.
3. Personal life - people don’t like being pestered with intrusive questions. Topics such as marriage, having children, divorce, etc. are a personal matter for everyone. Discussing them is permissible only face to face and only with the closest people.

What to talk about

But then the question arises: what is acceptable to talk about? There are many topics for conversation:

• Achievements of science, including new technologies: telephones, cars, etc.
• Fashion, beauty, style - just don’t indulge in banal gossip.
• Cinema, books, performances and other interesting events.

How to become an interesting conversationalist for a man and a girl

When developing relationships with the opposite sex, communication plays an important role. Often young people are looking for an answer to the question of how to become an interesting conversationalist for a girl. And ladies are interested in the same things about men. But recent research by psychologists convincingly proves that there are no big gender differences. Just follow all the recommendations given, and you will definitely be successful with the opposite sex.

Hello, dear friend!
In today's article, I would like to write about how to become an interesting conversationalist for a girl or a man. This article will be useful primarily to those who feel that they have communication problems. After reading this information, I am simply sure that your friends and acquaintances will be much more pleasant to communicate with you.

Have you ever had such a situation when you communicate with a person, but something is wrong with him. It seems that the communication is going well, but inside it’s somehow not comfortable, and you want to end the communication with him as soon as possible. Such people make many mistakes when communicating, which I will write about below, and, as a rule, this leads to the fact that they do not have a girlfriend, normal friends, or even a job. They are simply failures in life, primarily due to the fact that they do not know how to communicate correctly.

There are other people with whom, on the contrary, it is very pleasant to talk. It’s as if you’re drawn to them like a magnet; you want to listen to them and just be around them. Such people are often successful in life. As a rule, they have a girlfriend, many friends and a favorite job. Now I will try to write down the basic rules that you need to apply to become an interesting conversationalist.

1) Tell me interesting stories.
It is this point that I consider the most important. More than anything else, people love to hear real, interesting stories. And when you tell them, you give your energy to others and do not demand anything from them in return. Learn to simply tell something interesting that happened to you, or something that amazed you. If you learn to tell stories, then your acquaintances, friends, and, of course, beautiful girls will want to be with you all the time.

2) Make jokes.
When you joke, you give your interlocutor a positive mood. Then it will be very easy and pleasant to communicate with you. Look, a person is walking and is sad, and then he meets you, and you cheer him up, and also tell pleasant stories. Do you think this person will want to meet you again? Of course yes. A good joke and a nice story are the magnet that will attract others to you.

3) Give compliments.
It is very important for every person what others think about him. This desire for approval is present within each of us. When we walk down the street, we don't give a damn about the people we meet along the way, but we don't give a damn what those people think about us. We want to be considered smart, beautiful and successful. It was, is and will always be.

If it is so important for the person you are communicating with that you think well of him, then give him a compliment. Find what stands out about him and tell him about it. A compliment is the most nicer word for each of us, remember this. Even if he doesn’t react to it in any way, then inside he will remember you and your kind words about him for a long time.

4) Listen.
When they tell you a story, know how to listen to it. A person feels when you listen to him and when you just pretend that you are interested. If he understands that you don’t give a fuck about what you’re telling him, then believe me, he won’t want to communicate with you anymore, much less tell you anything. When the person has finished his story, ask him something else, for example: “What happened next?”, “Why did this happen?” This will show that you were interested, and you would be happy to continue listening to it further.

5) Don't interrupt.
Very often there is a situation when a person starts talking about something, and then you remember your story and start telling it. You should never do this, it means that you don’t respect your interlocutor. If you remember a story, that’s very good, but tell it better when your friend stops talking.

6) Don't ask too many questions.
You can ask questions only when there is nothing more to say, or at the end, after a person has finished his story, in order to clarify something with him. In all other cases, questions work poorly. When you ask a question, it’s as if you are drawing the person’s energy. He needs to strain his brain and think to answer you. And if these questions come one after another, then it’s just terrible. Remember, the interlocutor is much more comfortable listening to your interesting story than answering stupid questions.

7) Don't criticize.
If a person has done something wrong, you don’t need to tell him: “You’re stupid,” “You’re bad.” Remember to crave approval. If you criticize your interlocutor in the presence of other people, then not only will he not want to talk to you, he will simply say to himself: “How I hate you.” If you are one of those people who really likes to criticize others, then remember, this is one of the reasons why you have so few friends.

8) Don't boast.
Sometimes it’s very pleasant to communicate with a person, he tells interesting stories, but all these stories boil down to the fact that he wants to praise himself: “I bought a car,” “I bought a house,” “Look how smart I am.” Just me, me, me! From the outside it looks very funny and, to be honest, a little annoying. If you bought yourself a new car, then sooner or later everyone will know about it, but it’s very bad to brag directly.

9) Train your voice.
Sometimes on the Internet you can read the following phrase: “It doesn’t matter what you say, it’s how you say it that matters.” And indeed, when talking, your words mean little; your voice, gaze, facial expressions and gestures are very important. Your voice needs to be trained and there are a lot of different exercises on the Internet that will help you improve your speech. This is what I'm talking about.

10) Communicate.
This is a very important point. When you communicate with new people, you will get practice. Believe me, you will never learn to communicate well around a computer, even if you read 100 books. Yes, you will gain knowledge, but this knowledge means nothing if it is not put into practice. Therefore, try to use at least some of the rules from this article in practice today, this is very important.

How to interest your interlocutor? How to become interesting in conversation? How to attract people and be able to communicate with any interlocutor? We will talk about all this in our article.

If you want to be interesting to your interlocutor, talk to him about what interests him, copy his behavior and be similar. After all, people like interlocutors who have similar interests - so says a simple theory that everyone can understand. And really, what’s so complicated about that?

But, as often happens, one thing comes out in theory, but something completely different in practice. Not all people can find common interests and common topics for communication, and you simply don’t always understand the topic that the interlocutor is talking about. Therefore, if you suddenly have such a problem, below are some practical tips for not being a boring person and getting your interlocutor interested in the conversation.

1. Your interlocutor’s sphere of interest consists of several categories: “people”, “place”, “time”, “values”, “process”, “things”. Usually people have a few favorite things that they like to talk about, and the rest do not excite them much.

2. In order to be interesting to the interlocutor, it will be useful to identify those categories that are interesting to him. To do this, listen to what the interlocutor is saying, if you have not yet started the conversation, or alternatively, unobtrusively inquire about his interests, try to prove to him your similarities and find common points of contact.

3. In a conversation, try to determine the character of your interlocutor (just don’t fall for first impressions) and his mood at the current moment. This will help you avoid conflicts and presenting yourself in a bad light.

4. It’s better to imagine your shortcomings as a continuation of your advantages, unobtrusively emphasizing them, maybe even with humor. This will help you not to scare off the person and create a positive image of you as a person who does not hide his shortcomings, but does not show them off either.

5. For a better understanding in practice, it is also worth getting to know each type of people separately in order to timely determine the type of interlocutor and adapt to him.

So, here we go:

1. An interlocutor who is interested in people will first of all talk about the environment, some personalities. It is important to him who he communicates with, how they communicate with him and what his environment is like. He likes to express opinions about other people.

2. An interlocutor who is interested in a place is primarily interested in the space in which he is located and the things that surround him. He may have traveled a lot and likes to talk about his favorite sights and places in your city.

3. An interlocutor who is interested in time will, oddly enough, be interested in time and deadlines. Everything related to the passage of time is his strong point. Maybe you'll hear it in conversation last story about how he left home late and was almost late for work, or nostalgia for the old times in which he lived.

4. An interlocutor who is interested in values ​​will tell you about his view of the world and, perhaps, compare them with others. He can either do things his own way if he values ​​personal freedom, or he can do unpleasant work because “that’s the way it’s supposed to be done.” Usually such people look at the world pragmatically, looking for some benefit in everything, for themselves and, perhaps, others.

5. An interlocutor who is interested in the process of execution and the sequence of execution will ask you not about what he needs to do, but HOW to do it. He can have good comparison and analysis skills, and put everything into perspective, acting step by step. Also, keep in mind that for most people, the pleasure and emotions gained from doing something are also important.

6. An interlocutor who is interested in objects will pay attention to the objects around him. He will probably pay attention to where the TV is and what kind of TV it is; in his speech you can often hear the names of some things, perhaps not only material, but also spiritual.

It is worth noting that people’s interests can be combinations, and you will never find a completely pure type anywhere.

And the main advice that can be given in this article is more practice and your own experience. Use the theoretical knowledge you receive, but draw your own conclusions.

“The strawberries and cream principle”: “Personally, I love strawberries and cream, but for some reason fish prefer worms. That’s why when I go fishing, I don’t think about what I love, but about what the fish loves.”

(Dale Carnegie)

If you want to interest someone in you, talk about what interests him (speak the same language with him). The theory is simple and well known to everyone - but how to implement it in practice?

But in practice, it is useful to know that the sphere of interests of your interlocutor is divided into six categories: “people”, “place”, “time”, “values”, “process”, “things”.

Usually 2-3 topics out of these 6 are a person’s favorite topics - he will discuss them with great pleasure. The rest are not interesting to him, and cause him mortal boredom, - “Well, why talk about this? it doesn’t matter!”

To better understand how this is used in life, let's take a closer look at each type individually.

The cat caught the mouse:

- Do you want to live?

- And with whom?

- Ugh! Even eating is disgusting!

Favorite question: “Who?” People are important to him: who he communicates with, who surrounds him.

Such a person chooses a job based on what team he will join and with whom he will have to interact.

When talking about his vacation, he will talk first of all about the people with whom he vacationed and whom he met.

If he is invited to a party, he will definitely ask: “Who will be there?” He will ask because it is most important to him.

At the headquarters of the missile forces:

- Today we received an order to reduce staff by 10%. Is everyone clear?

- Yes...

- And now the details: I think we should start with Texas, Florida, Alabama...

Favorite question: “Where?” It is important for this person to clearly navigate in space. He usually has a favorite chair or a favorite place at the table, which he tries not to let anyone into.

When choosing a job, the most important factor will be the location of the office and how much he likes his workspace.

When talking about his vacation, he will describe the places he visited and what sights his route passed through.

It will be meticulous to ask about “where the party will be held.” At the party itself, he will be interested in where he will sit at the table, in what place.

One Frenchman is asked:

-What do you like best? Wine or women?

To which he replies:

- It depends on the year of manufacture.

Favorite question: “When?” For such a person, everything related to time will be extremely important.

He selects a new job based on criteria such as a suitable work schedule, how long it takes him to get from home to the office, and the length of vacation.

He will tell you in detail the daily routine in the sanatorium where he rested, what time the train arrived, how many minutes the plane was late and all other details related to time.

Before going to a party, be sure to ask “when does it start? What time will it end? When does the last bus leave?

"Values"

- Doctor, will I live?

- What's the point?

Favorite question: “Why?” It is important for this person that what he does is valuable and useful. He looks for meaning in everything. Talks about his values ​​and beliefs.

Such a person will be ready to work in a team that is unpleasant to him, in the middle of nowhere, spending a lot of his time on the road, if he believes that by working here he brings benefit to people, or some benefit to himself.

He will talk not about how he rested, but about why he went to the sanatorium, what it gave him: “I improved my health, spent at least a little time with my family, made useful acquaintances.”

Before going to a party, he will ask, “How will this be useful to me?”, because the party itself is not of particular value to him.

"Process"

A big lazy cat sneaks home and thinks:

- Now to the tank, from the tank to the fence, from the fence to the pipe, along the pipe to the roof...

At this moment, the pipe underneath him breaks away from the wall and begins to fall.

Cat (indignantly):

- Didn't understand!..

Favorite question: “How?” It is very important for him how he will do something, the sequence of actions that need to be performed. Often uses verbs in speech.

The most important thing for him in work is that the process itself gives him pleasure.

Talking about a vacation: he will describe the sequence of events, day after day: “in the morning we sunbathed on the beach, after that we had lunch, then we slept, then we went to the pool.... The next day we went on an excursion, after that...”

He will be interested in the whole scenario of the party, what will follow what: “and after we have dinner, what will happen? And after we dance? And after we drink tea?

A customs officer looking into a passenger’s suitcase from an arriving flight:

- So, dear, let's decide where your things are and where are mine.

Favorite question: “What?”. Such a person pays a lot of attention to things and objects. Often uses nouns in speech.

When choosing a job, he will look at the objects that will surround him: a computer, an office desk, a room... It is important that he likes it.

He will tell in detail about the things that surrounded him during his vacation: “the pool was good, the beach with sand, double rooms, with a TV and a refrigerator...”

He will definitely ask, “What will happen at the party?” If it is important for a person of the process type to hear “first we will have dinner, then we will dance, then we will drink tea,” then for a person of the “Things” type it is important to hear “there will be dinner, dancing, tea drinking”

Now the question is “What should I talk to him about?” The solution is quite simple: after listening to the person, you determine his favorite topics, after which you talk to him, trying to fall into the sphere of his interests. If these are “people,” then talk about people. If this is a “place”, then ask where he was, tell him where you yourself are going to go...

To make sure that such an adjustment is important enough, try a couple of times to specifically “outline” the person’s interests. He tells you, for example, “about the people he met,” and you ask him a question from another area: “where did you meet them?”, “When was that?” The person’s reaction will immediately tell you that it’s better not to do this (except for cases when you need to quickly interrupt the conversation)

To test yourself how well you now navigate this “typology of interests,” try answering the questions in the following tests.

Test No. 1

Read what 6 different people say about their vacation. Based on them, determine the type of interests of each person.

Test #2:

Your friend doesn't want to go to your party. You still want to convince her to come. Decide which phrase you will use for which type of people.

Test No. 3

You came to your boss to ask him for a salary increase. Different bosses need to make different arguments. For each phrase, determine what type of boss it will have the best effect on.

Correct answers:

If you answered more than half of the test questions correctly, then congratulations! We can assume that you have mastered such a difficult topic as “typology of interests”!

All that remains is to wish: use the acquired knowledge in practice more often. And then you will be an ideal interlocutor, able to find the key to any person.