Jokes for children 9 years old. A selection of very funny short jokes for children

Laughter is the best emotion that can be given to a child at any age. Children's jokes will be pleasant entertainment for parents and children. Some of them are able to teach a child important things in life and teach a lesson.

• What are children's jokes for? Children, like adults, are individuals and therefore they also need their own ways of entertaining and raising their spirits.
• Funny and interesting jokes can not only diversify leisure time, but also become the beginning of cognitive activity.
• A child who loves funny jokes quickly strives to learn to read in order to be able to make himself laugh on his own.
• In addition, many jokes for children have a special meaning hidden. Some teach children to behave correctly, to respect parents, elders, teachers and educators.
• Others introduce them to the features of the world around them, to animals and birds, plants and toys.
• Introducing your child to jokes is not a bad thing at all, because children's joke significantly different from an adult and does not have any harmful words, phrases, swearing or uncomfortable situations.
• Children's jokes are written by professionals: parents, teachers, writers and simply those who love children.

Jokes for children aged six to eight years:

• Parents hire a new nanny. Mom is interested in:
  — For what reason were you fired last time?
  — I forgot to bathe the child.
  - Mommy, let's take her! (voice from the children's room)
• Mom asks her son:
  — Sasha, yesterday there were two pieces of cake left on the table. Now there is only one, why?
  “I just didn’t notice the second piece in the dark,” Sashenka answered.
• A little grandson asks his grandfather:
  - Grandfather, tell me, is it true that you were born in the forest?
  - No, of course. Where did you get the idea? (grandfather asks)
  - Yes, it’s just that every time you come, dad says: “The old stump has come again!”
• The son asks his father:
  - Daddy, if you imagine, could you sign on paper with your eyes closed?
  Dad thought about it and asked:
  - I can, but for what?
  - Just close your eyes and try to sign in my diary. (son answered)
• Vovochka asks her dad:
  - Daddy, do you know which train is late the most in the world?
  Dad thought about it and asked Vovochka:
  - No, son. I guess I don't know that. Do you know?
  - Of course I know, daddy! The one you promised to give me for my last birthday! (replied by Vovochka)
• Little Masha asks from your mother:
  - Mom, do you happen to know how much toothpaste is in the tube?
  - No, daughter, I can’t know that.
  - And I know: there is exactly as much of it as from the bathroom, to the kitchen itself and around the table! (Masha answered)
• Children in kindergarten show off its advantages:
  Mashenka: And I have my mother’s eyes!
  Stasik: And I have my dad’s character!
  Kirill: And I have my grandfather’s nose!
  Natasha: And I have a grandmother’s smile!
  Vovochka: And I have my brother’s tights!
• What did the adult elephant say? when you accidentally stepped on a bun? - Crap! (correct answer)
• Two friends sitting in the kindergarten on a bench and talking. One chews a bun, and the second asks him:
  - Dimka, let me bite the bun!
  - This is not a bun, this is a pie!
  - Well, then let me bite the pie!
  - This is not a pie, this is a cheesecake!
  - Well then, let me bite the cheesecake!
  - You yourself don’t know what you want, decide first!
• Mom comes home tired from work. She has three children and she asks each of them:
  - Sashenka, what did you do useful for the house today?
  - I washed the dishes, mommy! - the boy answered.
  - Well done, son, here's a chocolate candy for you. (mother encourages her son)
  - Mashenka, what did you do useful for the house today?
  - And I dried the dishes. - answered the girl.
  - Well done, daughter, here’s a chocolate candy for you! (mother encourages daughter)
  - Igorek, what did you do that was useful? - Mom asks the youngest.
  “And I, mommy, collected all the pieces from the floor and took out the trash.” - Igorek answered.

Funny jokes about children for any age

As a rule, what causes joy and laughter in children is life situations that are capable of happening to them. It is for this reason that jokes about children are the most popular among children of all ages. They giggle with pleasure at the silly and sometimes even very serious situations that boys and girls find themselves in.

You should choose such jokes for your child based on your child’s age category, so that he understands exactly what the joke is about.

Jokes about children and for children:

• Boy on a walk with dad in the park I saw two twins in a stroller. He looked at them for a long time with a smart expression on his face and finally asked dad:
  - Daddy, where is my second one?
• Dad bought his son children's crossword puzzles. He began to solve the problem and, of course, asked his dad every question. When there were few questions left in the crossword puzzle, the turn of the most difficult ones came. The boy read it carefully and asked his father:
  - Dad, tell me: without what is it simply impossible to cook pancakes?
  - What letter does the word begin with? (asked dad)
  - Starting with the letter "M." - the boy answered.
  - "Mother". - Dad suggested.
• Sashenka got into a fight on the street with his friend. Dad began an educational conversation with him:
  - Sasha, tell me, do you fight all the time?
  - Yes! - the boy answered.
  - And even in kindergarten!
  - Yes! - Sasha answered.
  - And who wins?
  “Our teacher always wins.” - the kid answered sadly.
• Petya came home from school. Mom asks her son:
  - Petya, are you doing well at school?
  - Yes! - the kid answered proudly.
  - Well then answer me, Petya, how much will it be if 2 is multiplied by 2?
  - Four! — the boy answered confidently.
  - Well done, Petya! Then have four chocolates! - his mother encourages him.
  - Eh... (the boy sighs) If I knew, I would answer - ten!
• The boy came to the circus and buys a ticket at the box office. The cashier tells him:
  - Boy, this is the third time you’ve bought a ticket from me! What's the matter?
  “It’s not my fault, auntie, that when entering the circus some guy just tears them up!” - the boy answered.
• Marinka notices that her mother has several snow-white hair on his head and asks:
  - Mommy, what is this?
  - This is gray hair. - Mom answers.
  - Why did you have them?
  - That's because you don't listen to me. - Mom answered.
  The girl thought for a moment and said with a grin:
  - So that’s why grandma has a full head of gray hair!
• Ira's mother got sick, she decided to help her and went to her neighbor:
  - Aunt, Zina, please tell me you have raspberry jam! My mother has a cold.
  - There is a little, Irochka. Where should you pour it?
  - No need to pour. I'll eat it right here! - answered the girl.
• The boy was walking in the yard with his mother. Suddenly he saw big dog and ran up to him. Without fearing anything, he began to gently stroke his tail. The frightened mother ran up to her son, took him away from the dog and said:
  - Never do that! The dog may bite you!
  - No way, mommy! On this side, she doesn't bite! - the kid noticed.

Jokes about Cheburashka and Gena, funny jokes for children

Particularly popular among children are jokes about cartoon characters - Cheburashka and Gena the Crocodile. These are positive characters who evoke only pleasant emotions in a child of any age. There are a great many jokes about them, the main thing is to choose one that will be understandable to your baby.

Jokes about Gena and Cheburashka:

• Cheburashka wanted to watch a movie. He came to the cinema, chose the film he liked and asked the cashier:
  — Tell me, how much does a ticket to that film cost?
  - Ten rubles. - answered the cashier.
  - But I only have five. (Cheburashka sighed) Can I watch it with one eye for five rubles?
• Carlson and Cheburashka flew across the roofs. Finally they sat down on the ledge to rest. Five minutes later, Carlson says:
  - Well, Cheburashka, let’s fly again?!
  - Wait, Carlson. - said Cheburashka. - My ears haven’t rested yet...
• The postman brought a parcel for Gena and Cheburashka. After a while, Cheburashka brings Gene a box and says:
  - Gena, I want to make you happy, we have a parcel with oranges!
  - Great, Cheburashka! And how many oranges are there in it? - asked Gena.
  - Ten! - Cheburashka answered joyfully and added. - Eight pieces for you and eight pieces for me!
  - Listen, Cheburashka. You're probably wrong, if you divide ten by two, you get five!
  “I don’t know anything, Gena, I’ve already eaten my eight oranges!”
• Cheburashka found a coin. It was one penny. Since Cheburashka does not understand money, he began to pester the gene with questions:
  - Gena, is a penny too much? Gena, what can you buy for a penny? Gena, how many cakes can you buy for a penny? Gena, is this a lot?
  - So many! — in the end, Gena answered angrily, so that Cheburashka would not disturb him.
  Cheburashka, without hesitation, ran to the store. There he picked up some sweets, cakes, and toys. I went up to the seller and gave him a penny. The seller widened his eyes, and Cheburashka answered:
  - What are you looking at? Give me change!
• Cheburashka ran into the pharmacy and asks the seller:
  - Hello, do you have any oranges?
  - No, there are no oranges. — the seller answered confidently.
  Cheburashka left and came running an hour later:
  - Don’t you have any oranges?
  - No, there were no oranges.
  Cheburashka ran away, an hour later he came running again:
  — Hello, are there any oranges yet?
  - No, we don’t have oranges! - answered the seller.
  Cheburashka ran away again, and the seller hung a sign on the door “No Oranges” so that Cheburashka would not bother him. An hour later, Cheburashka comes running again and says to the seller:
  - Yeah, so there were oranges after all?!

Children's jokes about Vovochka, funny jokes for children

Vovochka is a famous children's character who often appears in jokes. Children love him because he embodies the image of a curious boy who strives to know everything and knows the answers to all questions. Vovochka goes to kindergarten or school, does homework, walks in the yard and chats with friends. All his actions are certainly connected with exciting questions and witty answers.

Jokes for children about Vovochka:

• On a walk with mom Vovochka makes her an unusual remark:
  - Mom, your nails are so long!
  - Thank you, Vovochka. This is called a manicure.
  - Oh, I wish I had such a manicure to dig in the ground!
• Science teacher at school asks the children a question:
  - Children, who knows why gorillas have such large nostrils?
  - I know! - Vovochka holds out his hand.
  - Answer, Vovochka. - the teacher suggests.
  - They are big because gorillas have big fingers too! This makes picking your nose more convenient!
• Teacher at a physical education lesson at school asks Vovochka:
  - Vovochka, how long can it take you to run a hundred meters?
  Vovochka scratched the back of his head and answered:
  - Well, I can do it for 100 rubles...
• The class teacher asks the children:
  - Children, do you know what type of bird does not build nests?
  Vovochka holds out her hand. The teacher asks him to answer:
  - Cuckoo! - Vovochka answers.
  - Right! Do you know why? - asks the teacher.
  - Yes! Because she's wearing a clock!
• On the way home little Vovochka asks his mother:
  - Mom, tell me, why does everyone at school call me a “liar”?
  - Vovochka, but you don’t even go to Coke!! - Mom answers.
• At school Vovochka called the teacher to "you". The teacher, without hesitation, asked him homework: Write the phrase “the teacher must be addressed as “you”” a hundred times in your notebook. The next day, the teacher checks the notebook and notices that the given sentence is written not a hundred, but two hundred times:
  - Vovochka, why did you write the sentence two hundred times?
  - This, Marya Ivanovna, is to make it more pleasant for you!

Jokes about kindergarten about children and for children

Kindergarten is something that every child has experienced in their life. This topic is interesting and relevant for kids of any age. That is why jokes with stories about kindergarten especially funny and interesting.

Jokes for children about kindergarten:

• During an indoor ball game the children broke the window. The teacher finds out:
  — I ask who broke the window?
  (Silence in response)
  — I ask again, who broke the window??
  (Children are silent)
  “I’m asking for the third time: who broke the window with the ball???
  One boy hesitated and said:
  - Come on, Svetlana Anatolyevna, ask for the fourth time!
• Mom collects Sasha V kindergarten, and he urges her on:
  - Mom, come on, get me ready quickly! Mom, hurry up and put on your shoes!
  - Sasha, where are you in such a hurry! - Mom is surprised.
  - To kindergarten, mommy!
  “And what is there that you can’t wait for?”
  “We’re fighting there, mommy!”
• Little Masha complains to her mother after kindergarten:
  “Can you imagine, Mom, I was given only half an apple for my afternoon snack today!”
  - Were the other children given a whole apple? - Mom is surprised.
  - No, the other children also received half.
  “So, Mashenka, that’s how it’s supposed to be.” - Mom calms down her daughter.
  - But I can eat the whole thing! — the girl answers indignantly.
• Igorek invites dad for a school party:
  - Dad, come to my kindergarten tomorrow for a matinee!
  - Okay, Igorek. What will you portray at the matinee?
  “Daddy, I have a very important role in the performance!”
  - And what is your role, Igorechek?
  - I will be the second part of the horse! - the boy noted proudly.
• The teacher tells the children about what animals exist in the world. She asks the group:
  - What kind of animal can be called domestic? This four-legged faithful friend lives in many of your homes.
  - I know the answer! - Sasha shouted.
  - Answer, Sasha.
  - This animal is called a bed!

Jokes for children 9 – 12 years old, funny and interesting jokes

The age of children from nine to twelve years old is particularly intelligent. They understand jokes more deeply and have certain knowledge and skills. It is easier for them to understand funny situations that are discussed in anecdotes and jokes. They read independently in children's magazines, books and on special websites. This is a great pastime and entertainment that will expand their knowledge, help them establish contact with other children and become the center of attention of their peers.

Jokes for children from nine years old:

• During a walk with her son, mother I met an aunt I knew, she was happy about the child and gave him candy. The boy quickly grabbed it, unwrapped it and ate it in silence. To this reaction, his mother tells him:
  - Dima, what should you tell your aunt?
  - Give me another one! — the boy answered boldly.
• Grandmother went with her granddaughter to the park, there was a violinist concert in the summer theater. Without hesitation, to introduce my granddaughter to musical art, she sat her down on the bench and they began to listen. The girl clearly didn't like the musician. She fidgeted on the bench for a long time and finally asked:
  - Grandma, when uncle finally saws his box, will we go home?
• Dad watched the Olympics on TV. At the moment when Svetochka approached him, runners were taking part in the competition. The girl was interested in what was being shown and she asked:
  - Dad, tell me, why are these guys running so fast?
  - This is a competition. The one who comes running first will receive a prize!
  - Dad, why is everyone else running then?
• Mom brought me to see a neurologist to his son's hospital. He started asking him questions:
  - Boy, please tell me, how many paws does the cat have?
  - Four. — The boy answered in surprise.
  - Boy, how many ears does the cat have?
  - Two. — The boy answered in surprise.
  - Boy, tell me, how many tails does the cat have?
  The boy frowned, turned to his mother and asked:
  - Mom, has this stupid uncle never seen a cat in his life?
• During recess at school class teacher talking to Kirill:
  — Kiryusha, how did you celebrate your birthday?
  - Okay, Marina Alexandrovna.
  — Did any guests come to you?
  — Many guests came, Marina Alexandrovna.
  — Did you give gifts?
  - They gave it to me, Marina Alexandrovna.
  - Who is the most best gift gave?
  - Dad!
  - What did he give you?
  - As many as three slingshots!
  - Stop joking, Kirill, it’s not beautiful! - The teacher noticed.
  - I'm not joking. He’s the only glazier in our area, and he said if there’s a lot of work, he’ll buy me another railway with a steam locomotive!

Funny children's jokes that will bring you to tears and can quickly lift your spirits

It will be a funny joke in a great way quick mood lift. He will be able to remove sadness and give a few minutes of joy to even the saddest baby. Laughter is a pleasant feeling that not only saves you from boredom, but also gives positive emotions.

Funny jokes that can bring you to tears:

• At a computer specialist They ask at work:
  - Tell me, do you have children?
  - Yes, I have two whole sons! - he quickly answered.
  - How old are they?
  The computer scientist thought:
  - Well, one of them already plays on the computer himself, and the second one still can’t reach the keyboard.
• Dad asks his son after class:
  — Danil, how did it happen that your violin broke?
  - I don’t know, dad. Everything happened very quickly. I was learning the composition so carefully and attentively... I was learning and learning and then suddenly... and the violin fell out of the window!
• Dad and daughter eat together for lunch coleslaw. Dad tells his daughter his remark:
  “You see, Ksyusha, you and I eat cabbage like two goats?”
  - I don’t know, dad. There is only one goat here, and personally I am a bunny.
• Three puppies met in the yard- mongrels and began to communicate with each other:
  - Yip! - said one.
  Another answered him:
  - Woof! - said the second one.
  “Meow…” said the third.
  Two puppies widened their eyes and stared at the third:
  “Have you gone crazy, furry guy?”
  - No, guys, I’m just learning a foreign language.
• The boy asked his parents for a long time aquarium. In the end, they gave him an aquarium with fish for his birthday. After a while, dad noticed that the fish in the aquarium floated up with their bellies up:
  - Son, why didn’t you take care of the fish and change their water?
  - Dad, why should they change? They haven't drunk this one yet!

School jokes about school, students and teachers

School jokes are a special topic. School is the world for a child where the most interesting, most unexpected and most impressionable things happen. The situations that happen to the characters during lessons, breaks, and in the principal’s office will be incredibly funny for children. Jokes about school will make your child feel more relaxed about the learning process and not experience negative emotions every morning on the way to class.

School themed jokes:

• The girl runs home after class. Full of vivid impressions, she shares her emotions with her mother:
  - Mommy, today in class Maria Ivanovna read us a fairy tale about Little Red Riding Hood.
  - This good story. Did you like her? Have you drawn any conclusions for yourself?
  - Yes, mommy! We need to remember well what our grandmother looks like!
• Math teacher explains children new material:
  - Class, listen carefully! Now I will prove to you the Pythagorean theorem.
  One boy answers the teacher from his seat:
  - No need, Natalya Ivanovna, we already believe you.
• Math teacher asks question to Vovochka:
  — Vovochka, answer my question very quickly: what is seven plus four?
  - Twenty one! - Vovochka quickly answered.
  - Wrong. It'll be eleven!
  - But you asked to answer quickly, not correctly!
• Before the test teacher says:
  - Children, today we will have test on the last topic!
  One student asks from the seat:
  — Anna Sergeevna, will it be possible to use a calculator?
  The teacher thought for a moment, but answered:
  - Can!
  - What about a protractor and a compass? - he did not calm down.
  - Can! Write down the topic: “History of Russia...”

Funny jokes about animals for children of any age

Jokes about animals will be understandable to all children and will cause a storm of pleasant emotions.

Jokes about animals for children:

• The girl complains to my friend:
  “Can you imagine, Svetka, my cat has moths!”
  - What, not even fleas?
  - No, please!
  - Rejoice, Natasha!
  - Why is this?
  - Since there are moths, it means the wool is natural and not a synthetic fake!
• Advertisement in the newspaper. Category about animals: “I will sell a good, healthy and adult green chameleon... no, blue... no, purple... no, raspberry... no, it’s so cool - I won’t sell it!”
• Two neighbors talking:
  - This is such a nightmare! Just imagine: your dog ate our chicken!
  - This is just wonderful!
  - Why is that?
  - So, you don’t need to feed the dog!
• The thief got into the apartment and started robbing. Suddenly he hears a voice:
  
  The thief realizes that it is a parrot, covers it with a rag and continues the robbery. The parrot continues:
  - Kesha sees you! Kesha sees you!
  - You don’t see anything! - the thief shouts nervously.
  - Kesha is not me, Kesha is a shepherd dog. - the parrot answers.

Short jokes for children of any age

• Who is Kolobok? Kolobok is a smiley face for our grandparents!
• What's your favorite fruit? - Ice cream!
• Vova, have you hung up your laundry? - No, mom, I decided to have mercy on him!
• If you open the refrigerator several times in a row, you will notice how each time there are fewer and fewer cakes!
• The most magical word that makes children immediately run to the store, take out the trash and wash the dishes is “I’ll turn off the Internet!”
• Offending children are placed in the corner where Wi-Fi reception is worst.
• Children are the flowers of life. That is why he is constantly drawn to the earth and dirt...

Video: “The best children's jokes”

The geography teacher asked Bora if he knew anything about the Panama Canal.
“No,” the student answers, “there is no such channel on our TV.”

A radio was installed in one grandmother's house. In the morning at six o'clock, it spoke for the first time:
— Good morning!
Grandma jumped out of bed:
- Good health! Where are you going so early?

- Well, son, show me the diary. What did you bring from school today?
- There’s nothing to show, there’s only one deuce.
- Just one?
- Don't worry, dad, I'll bring it tomorrow!

— Hello, is this 333-33-33?
- Yes.
— Please dial “Ambulance”, otherwise my finger is stuck in the phone.

A Chukchi is walking along the road, and they ask him:
-Chukchi, where are you going?
-Give an injection, however
-To the clinic?
-No in the ass, however

I somehow bought a new Russian construction set<Лего>and boasts to his friend:
- Hey, Vovan, look at what’s written on this piece of garbage:<От 2-х до 4-х лет>. So I assembled it in two months.

Little girl talking to her father:
- Dad, today I dreamed that you gave me a small chocolate bar.
“If you obey, you’ll dream that you gave him a big one.”

- Mommy, can I go for a walk?
- With dirty ears?
- No, with comrades.

Chemistry lesson:
-Tell me, Vovochka, what substances do not dissolve in water?
Vovochka without hesitation:
-Fish!

The cannibals caught a tourist. They lit a fire, put a vat of water and asked:
- How your name?
- What difference does it make to you, eat it anyway!
- What kind of thing is this, and for the menu?!

Cheburashka somehow approaches Gena and says:
— Gena, Shapoklyak gave us 10 oranges on February 23, 8 for each.
- How is it 8 each, if there are 10 of them?
- I don’t know, but I’ve already eaten my 8!

A little girl asks her grandfather:
- Grandfather, what kind of berries are these?
- This is black currant.
- Why is it red?
- Because it’s still green.

- Piglet, do you know your pedigree?
- Yeah. My grandfather (sighs) was a chopper. My father was (proudly) a kebab...
- Who do you dream of becoming?
- And I (looks at the sky and is so sad...) an astronaut.
- Why is it so sad?
- Yes, I’m afraid I won’t fit into the tube...

The guy came to the doctor and said:
- Doctor, there are ringing sounds in my ears.
- Don’t answer them, don’t pick up the phone!

Teacher:
— Guys, tell me, what is the number of the word “pants”: singular or plural?
Student:
- Above - singular, and below - plural.

One student decided to play a joke on another. Painted the chair.
The second one comes in and says right from the door:
- Kolyan, I...
First to him:
“Yes, sit down first,” and points to a chair.
And this one again:
- Kolyan, I wanted to tell you...
First:
- Yes, sit down, don’t be shy.
The second sat down. The first one chuckles:
- Well, now speak.
- Kolyan, I just wanted to say that I put on your jeans.

Grandfather is sleeping in a chair, whistling loudly through his nose. The little grandson is fiddling with a button on his jacket.
- What are you doing? - asks the grandmother.
- I want to catch another program!

A plane landed at the airport. Passengers leave the ramp.
One man's pants fall down, he pulls them up and says:
-This is Aeroflot: fasten your seat belt, then unfasten it...

- Why does a gorilla have such big nostrils?
- Because she has thick fingers.

A five-year-old boy answered the phone.
-Yes.
-Call dad or mom.
-They are not at home.
-Is there anyone else?
-Yes, my sister.
-Call her, please.
After a while the boy picked up the phone again:
-It's too heavy. I can't get her out of the stroller!

Five year old son asks:
-Dad, do you know how long one tube of paste lasts?
- No.
-For the entire hallway, living room and half of the loggia...

Two flies come out of the bar.
One says: “Well, shall we go on foot or wait for the dog?”

Once a hedgehog fell into a hole, he couldn’t get out and thought: “If I don’t get out in 5 minutes, I’ll go home and get a ladder.”

Gen, be careful there are steps, stumps, stumps.
-Thank you Cherim-burum-burashka.

Wallpaper that can be washed is, of course, a good thing. But how difficult it is
I had to tear them off to stuff them into the washing machine.

A woman asks for a glass of sparkling water:
- A glass of water.
- With syrup?
- Without.
— Without cherry or without apple?

A guy and a girl are walking around the city and pass by a restaurant. The girl says:
- Oh, how delicious it smells!
- Did you like it? Do you want us to go through it again?

A girl comes to a dairy store. So he places the can on the scales:
- For me, sour cream.
Saleswoman, splash some sour cream into her can.
-Here's a girl, sour cream for you. Where's the money?
-In a can

- Boy, how old are you?
- Five.
- And you are not taller than my umbrella...
- How old is your umbrella?

After dinner, the mother goes to the kitchen, and the daughter shouts after her:
- No, Mom, I don’t want you to wash the dishes on your birthday. Leave it for tomorrow.

A boy watches a film on TV about a boy whom everyone loved and says:
- If you wash me, I will be the same!

Mom tells her son
“Is this how they read a book, son?” You're skipping several pages.
- And this book is about spies. I want to catch them quickly.

At the boat rental station, the boss shouts into a bullhorn:
— Boat number 99! Return to the shore - your time is up!
Five minutes later:
- Boat number 99, return immediately!
Five minutes later:
— Boat number 99! If you don't return, we will fine you!
An assistant approaches the boss:
- Ivan Ivanovich! We only have 73 boats, so where did the 99th come from?
The chief freezes for a moment, and then rushes to the shore:
— Boat number 66! Are you in some kind of trouble?!

He gave Winnie the Pooh a cell phone for his birthday
-Here’s a gift for you - a cell phone!
-Well, thanks buddy!
The next day, Winnie the Pooh meets Piglet
-What did you give me yesterday for my birthday???
- Cool phone...
-I spent 3 hours picking yesterday, the phone broke, there are no honeycombs or honey.

Mom says to the girl:
- If you don't eat semolina porridge, I will call Baba Yaga.
- Mom, do you really think that she will eat it?

- Doctor, you forbade me to eat at night, so I caught a cold!
- What is the connection?
- Well, of course - I stood at the refrigerator all night, looking at the chicken, and that’s why I got cold!

Granddaughter and grandfather are sitting by the window... the grandson is babbling. Grandpa look!!!Once!
a crow, two crows, three crows... the whole Voronezh!!!.

Two Chukchi are sitting, breaking a bomb. A man passes by.
“Hey, what are you doing, it’s going to explode!” - “However, it’s okay, we have one more!”

A Georgian is drowning in the sea and has forgotten the word “save” in Russian, shouting:
- This is my last time swimming!

Vinny says to Piglet.
- Listen, Vinnie, I know what will happen to you when you grow up!
- Have you read my horoscope? - Nope, the book “On Tasty and Healthy Food”!

Host to guest: - Can I shine some light on the steps? - No, thank you, I’m already lying downstairs.

In the middle of the lesson, Vovochka comes into the class with a bandaged head.
Irritated teacher: - Well, what happened this time? - Fell from the fifth floor.
- So, did you fly for two whole lessons?

Seller: — This wall clock runs for two weeks without being wound.
- What are you talking about?! What if you start them?

Everyone loves to read and listen to jokes - not only adults, but also children. Therefore, today we have selected the funniest children's jokes for ages 10-12, which you can read with your children or tell them to them.

Children's jokes are the funniest

Two boys meet on the street. One reports the news:
— I just had a bad tooth pulled out.
- Well, does it still hurt?
- I don't know.
- How can you not know this?
— But the doctor still has the tooth.

Father says to daughter:
“I wouldn’t dare lie like that at your age!”
— At what age did you start?

One boy says to another:
- My dad is very good.
-Are you telling me this?
- You.
— Just last year he was my dad.

Son to father:
— Dad, when you were at school, were you in the same class with Seryoga’s father?
- Yes.
- This can’t be!
- Why?
- Because he also claims to be the best student in the class.

Teacher scolds student:
- You came again without a pen?! I wonder what you would say if you saw a soldier showing up for training without a weapon?
“I would say that he probably became a general.”

The funniest jokes for children 10-12 years old

- Boy, don’t be a bully, otherwise your dad will grow gray hair!
“My dad will be very happy, he’s completely bald!”

- Ivanov, who did your homework for you: dad or mom?
- I don’t know, I was already asleep.

Schoolchildren think that it is better to study at the institute, but only students know that the best place to study is in kindergarten!

Hedgehog learned to breathe with his butt. The Fox passes by and the Hedgehog says to her:
- Fox, oh Fox, strangle me!
The fox strangled and strangled, but could not strangle.
The Bear walks past, the Hedgehog says to him:
- Bear, Bear, strangle me!
The bear strangled and strangled, but could not strangle.
The Hedgehog walked like this all day through the forest, and no one could strangle him. The Hedgehog got tired, sat down on a stump and choked.

During the test, the teacher closely monitors the students and sometimes kicks out those who notice spurs. The director looks into the classroom.
- Are you writing a test? There are probably a lot of people here who like to cheat.
Teacher:
- No, the amateurs are already in the corridor, only the professionals remain.

Children's jokes about Vovochka

During a biology lesson in class, the teacher says:
— The pistil and stamen of flowers are the reproductive organs.
Vovochka from the back desk, sadly:
- Damn, I smell them...

The teacher enters the class and asks Vovochka:
-Where is Seryozha?
- He’s not there, we were playing to see who would lean out of the window next... Well, he won.

Vova, what good deed did you do today?
“And I was seeing my dad off and saw the uncle running after the departing train.” So I let my dog, pit bull Rex, go, and the guy caught the train.

At school:
- Well done, Nikita, a solid five, give me the diary!
- Oh, it seems I forgot it at home...
- Take mine! - Vovochka whispers.

- Vovochka, let’s say you have 100 rubles. You asked your father for another 100 rubles. How much money will you have in total?
- 100 rubles, Mary Ivanna.
- Too bad, Vovochka, you don’t know math at all!
“And you, Mary Ivanna, don’t know my father at all!”

It is difficult to believe that there is at least one person without a sense of humor - another matter if we talk about how subtle it is in some people. Humor covers all areas of activity people.

We joke about literally everything what we see and what happens to us, we joke about representatives of certain professions and nationalities, about relatives and friends, laugh at ourselves and situations, which we find ourselves in.

The main joke themes loved by all children are:

• fairy tales and fairy-tale heroes;
• friends, brothers and sisters;
• school, study;
• animals;
• holidays.

Jokes- a boost of energy for the whole day. Perhaps the most harmless and funniest jokes are related to children; they will make adults and children laugh until they cry. And since the main occupation of children is studying, that’s all the funniest children's jokes are related to school, students and teachers. Anyone can cheer themselves and their friends up by securing a couple of dozen short jokes about school. Here you can find:

• children's jokes about school;
• the funniest jokes about Vovochka;
• the latest school jokes.

Children's jokes about school

Parents ask a first-grader:

- How did you like your first day? Did you like school?

- First? Just don’t tell me that I have to go there again tomorrow!

- Sasha, name me at least one transparent object

- Keyhole, Marya Ivanovna!

After anatomy lesson.

— We heard that Vitya got a bad mark on his test!

- Why?

- For the cheat sheet. The teacher caught him while he was counting his ribs.

— Doctor, my child has strabismus.

- Is it congenital?

- No, from cheating.

- How much will it be if they give you one kitten, plus two kittens and four more kittens?

- Nine.

- Listen more carefully! They gave you one kitten, then two kittens and four more. How much in total?

- Nine.

- Then it’s different! I give you one watermelon, then two and then four more watermelons! How many?

- Eight!

- Here you go! And the kitten, plus two, plus four? How much in total?

- Nine!

- Yes, why?!

— Because I already have one kitten!

- Mom, dad, we wrote at school today!

- Well, read what you wrote?

The son complains to his mother:

- I don’t want to go to school anymore!

- Why?

- Again Vasechkin will trip me, and Ivanov will shoot at me with a slingshot, and Sidorov will throw a textbook at me!

“No, son, you need to go to school,” says mom. — Firstly, you are already 50 years old, and secondly, you are a school director.

“Daddy, the doctors gave us vaccinations at school today!”

- Well done, daughter, you didn’t cry, did you?

- No, they didn’t catch up with me.

- So that they think that they are having a holiday.

— Vovochka what do you imagine the best school?

- Closed!

The teacher asks:

- Children, do you know that in heat all substances tend to expand, and in cold they contract?

- Certainly! - says Vovochka. — That’s why winter holidays are shorter than summer holidays.

- Sit down, Ivanov, five! Give me the diary.

- I forgot him.

- Take mine! - Vovochka whispers.

- Children, what order does the spectacled snake belong to?

- To the squad of short-sighted people!

- Vovochka, why are you so pale today?

“And my mother washed me yesterday.”

Vovochka was late for school. The teacher asks him:

- What happened, why so late?

- I was attacked by a bandit!

- Oh horror! And what did he do?

- I took away my homework...

The girl complains to her parents:

- How can I get rid of this Vovochka? There is no more strength!

- Why didn’t he please you? Over there he helps carry his briefcase after class.

- Yes, I’m tired: I’ve already accumulated about fifty of them!

The latest school jokes

During the test, the teacher closely monitors the students and sometimes kicks out those who notice spurs. The director looks into the classroom.

— Are you writing a test? There are probably a lot of people here who like to cheat.

- No, the amateurs are already in the corridor, only the professionals remain.

Anatomy teacher:

—What are the last teeth a person develops?

- Plug-in.

- What time is it: I jump, you jump, he jumps, they jump?

- Change!

- Do you know what is the worst thing for an excellent student?

- Get a bad grade?

- No, learn a lesson and not have time to answer.

There is a lesson in progress. There is noise and commotion in the next office, the teacher cannot stand it and heads there. He grabs the loudest one by the ear and takes him into his class. Ten minutes later the door opens, a student from that office looks into the class and quietly says:

- Can we have our teacher back?

The father asks his son:

- What can I do to stop you getting bad marks?

- Ask the teacher not to call me!

Teacher says:

- Everyone be quiet! So that you can hear a fly fly by!

Everyone immediately fell silent. Five minutes later Vanya can’t stand it and asks:

- Mikhail Ivanovich, when will you let a fly fly?

- Now let's prove the Pythagorean Theorem.

Student from the last desk:

- Or maybe it’s not necessary? We take your word for it!

When asked about the first female pilot, the students named Baba Yaga.

I go to school - no one... I go to Odnoklassniki - the whole class!

In a math lesson:

- Anya, how much will your mother pay for 3 kilograms of potatoes, if a kilogram costs 30 rubles 10 kopecks?

- This is still unknown.

- Why?

- And she always bargains.

A high school student approaches his father:

Dad, they're calling you to school.

- What happened?

- Well, it’s a little thing, I broke the window.

Father went. A few days later the son again:

- Dad, they are calling you to school.

- What did you do again?

- Yes, the laboratory room blew up.

Father went.

The son approaches him for the third time:

- Dad, they ask you to go to school again.

- That’s it, I’m tired, I won’t go anymore!

- That's right, dad. Why do you need to walk through the ruins...

Jokes for children are short funny stories. They usually have no author and belong to the folklore genre.

Children love jokes no less than adults. Children's jokes about school allow you to joke about what makes you sad. School jokes make fun of lazy students, angry teachers, indifferent parents, etc.

Anecdotes can have a wide variety of topics, covering all aspects of life. Sometimes funny phrases spoken by children become jokes.

Laughter when reading or listening to a joke is caused by an unexpected denouement, a play on words, or the replacement of the usual meaning of concepts with a new one. Humor and wit are very useful qualities that require development no less than logic or creativity. This genre also has negative sides: the presence of profanity, vulgarity, etc. in some jokes.

Do you need funny stories?

Laughter improves the mood of children and, according to scientists, prolongs the life of adults. So that your child does not need to listen to vulgar street jokes, tell him good ones. Let him have magazines or books with different jokes that he can read. A sense of humor is valued among children; a witty storyteller becomes the life of the party.

If a child can joke about his shortcomings, he will be less stressed. The main thing in jokes is the opportunity for freedom of expression, humor that makes fun of shortcomings and vices, and a different perspective on problems.

Anecdotes may not be clear. The reason for this is differences in nationality, age or other personal characteristics. Therefore, children's jokes differ from those of adults. What can make a child laugh may be incomprehensible to an adult and vice versa.

About school

During a math lesson, the teacher asks a poor student who is reciting the Pythagorean Theorem at the blackboard to prove it. To which he offendedly declares: “What evidence do you have, you don’t believe me?”

On September 1, 1.6 million first-graders sat down at their desks on charges of illiteracy for at least 9 years.

In a geography lesson in 7th grade, the teacher is trying to explain to the student how to determine the cardinal directions using a compass. “Here, look, when the arrow points up, it’s north, then to your left is west, and to your right is east, tell me, what’s behind you?” The student, blushing: “A hole in your pants?”

About children

At an appointment at the clinic, a child psychologist asks the child questions:

• Tell me, how many legs does a cat have?
• Four.
• How many ears?
• How many eyes?

The kid turns to his mother and asks: “Mom, uncle, have you never seen cats?”

About kindergarten

A little girl comes home from kindergarten and says that the teacher read them the fairy tale “About Little Red Riding Hood.” “What did you understand from this fairy tale?” asks mom. “I should remember my grandmother’s face better so as not to confuse her with a wolf,” the girl answers.

At a meeting in the nursery group of the kindergarten, a young teacher conducts pedagogical work with parents:

• Dear parents, your children have learned to speak this year; if they start telling you something bad about kindergarten, do not believe them. We, in turn, promise not to believe the horrors that they tell about you.

A tired father comes to pick up his son at kindergarten. The teacher sees him for the first time, and therefore asks:

• Which child should you give?
• What difference does it make, bring it again tomorrow morning!

The unlucky parent answers.

The head of the kindergarten complains to the head of the military unit that after the repairs carried out by the soldiers, the children learned many words from profanity. The commander calls the soldiers to his place and asks them to explain what’s going on. Soldier Sidorov with a bandaged head explains:

• Petrov stood on a stepladder, placing eight bricks into a hole in the ceiling. The solution turned out to be weak, and all the bricks fell on my head. I told Petrov: “What a bad person you are, Petrov, you don’t respect your comrade!”

About animals

Two fish are talking in a pond. One carp says: “I’m so tired of living in this cramped, dirty pond!” Another carp answers him: “Grab the hook and you’ll soon end up in the sour cream!”

Computer jokes

A cactus that had been standing near a computer monitor for 6 years learned how to reinstall Windows.

Short jokes

Inscriptions on the minibus:

“Stop “here” on a different route”;

“If no one gives way to the old lady, I, your driver, will do it”;

“If you want to live long, don’t distract the driver!”

About Pinocchio

Buratino's family tree was rooted in the earth.

About Vovochka

Vovochka says to his father at dinner:

• Dad, they're calling you back to school, I broke the window.
• Yes, you don’t have a school, but some kind of greenhouse.

Fairytale jokes

The kid climbed onto Carlson, and they fly over the city, making ten circles. After landing on the roof, Carlson wipes his neck and says: “Phew, I’m sweating with you!” “I peed on you,” the baby replies.

A random passerby saw a hut on chicken legs in the forest and said:

• Hut, hut, turn your forest towards me, and your backside in front!
• You put me in a difficult position with your philological delicacies of new idioms.
• This is roughly what I wanted to say.

Cheburashka, standing in the wind, was brutally beaten by his ears.

Gena and Cheburashka went on vacation. Crocodile Gena drags 6 suitcases from the station, sweating profusely. Cheburashka runs behind him and shouts:

• Gena, and Gena, let me take the suitcases!
• And you will take me!

About adults and children

An aunt asks her niece, who is six years old:

• Anechka, do you help your mother around the house?
• Of course, I help, I count the silver spoons after you leave.

A little boy asks his father:

• Dad, I want a real gun!
• You already have a toy one.
• Dad, I want a real one!
• Quiet, I said! Who's the boss in the house?
• You're daddy, but if I had a gun...

A mother shouts from the balcony to her son playing in the yard with friends:

• Vanechka, go home!

7-year-old Vanechka asks:

• Mom, am I cold?
• No, it's time for you to eat!

About pets

The mouse runs away from the cat and hides in a hole, losing the stolen cheese along the way. He sits quietly and suddenly hears a dog barking. “So the cat ran away, we can take the cheese,” the mouse thinks. As soon as she sticks out of the hole, the cat grabs her. “How good it is to be able to speak foreign language! the cat thinks.

Other topics

Announcement on the fence of the city zoo:

• Dear visitors, due to insufficient funding from the city budget for this year, the animals have nothing to eat! We invite you for a day open doors, which will take place from 9 o'clock on the 6th, 8th and 9th of this month! You will receive unforgettable impressions and indescribable sensations!

According to statistics, the most understandable thing on the planet is Chinese. Every 6th person speaks it.

From a conversation between two friends:

• Have you read that scientists have made a discovery that nine seconds of laughter prolongs life by 10 minutes, which means that if you laugh all the time, you will never die?
• Yes, but everyone will think you're crazy.