Read Uspensky about faith and anfisa in full. Eduard Uspensky - About the girl Vera and the monkey Anfisa

Hello, young literary scholar! It’s good that you decided to read the fairy tale “About Vera and Anfisa” by Eduard Uspensky, in it you will find folk wisdom that has been edified by generations. A small amount of detail in the surrounding world makes the depicted world more rich and believable. When faced with such strong, strong-willed and kind qualities of a hero, you involuntarily feel the desire to transform yourself into better side. The text, written in the last millennium, combines surprisingly easily and naturally with our modern times; its relevance has not diminished at all. There is a balancing act between good and bad, tempting and necessary, and how wonderful it is that every time the choice is correct and responsible. Every time you read this or that epic, you feel the incredible love with which the images are described. environment. An important role for children’s perception is played by visual images, of which this work abounds, quite successfully. The fairy tale “About Vera and Anfisa” by Eduard Uspensky is definitely worth reading for free online, it contains a lot of kindness, love and chastity, which is useful for raising a young individual.

And the first story is WHERE ANFISA CAME FROM

In one city there lived a family - father, mother, girl Vera and grandmother Larisa Leonidovna. Dad and mom were school teachers. And Larisa Leonidovna was a school director, but retired.

No country in the world has so many leading teaching staff per child! And the girl Vera was supposed to become the most educated in the world. But she was capricious and disobedient. Either he catches a chicken and starts swaddling it, or the next boy in the sandbox gets cracked by the scoop so much that he has to take the scoop in for repairs.

Therefore, grandmother Larisa Leonidovna was always next to her - at a short distance, one meter. It's like she's the bodyguard of the President of the Republic.

Dad often said:

How can I teach other people’s children math if I can’t raise my own child?

Grandmother interceded:

This girl is capricious now. Because it's small. And when she grows up, she won’t hit the neighbors’ boys with a dustpan.

“She’ll start hitting them with a shovel,” dad argued.

One day dad walked past the port where the ships were docked. And he sees: one foreign sailor is offering something to all passers-by in a transparent bag. And passers-by look, doubt, but don’t take it. Dad became interested and came closer. Sailor to him clean English language speaks:

Dear Mr. Comrade, take this live monkey. She gets seasick all the time on our ship. And when she gets sick, she always unscrews something.

How much will you have to pay for it? - Dad asked.

Not at all necessary. On the contrary, I will also give you an insurance policy. This monkey is insured. If anything happens to her: she gets sick or gets lost, the insurance company will pay you a thousand dollars for her.

Dad gladly took the monkey and gave his to the sailor business card. It was written on it:

“Vladimir Fedorovich Matveev is a teacher.

The city of Plyos on the Volga.

And the sailor gave him his business card. It was written on it:

“Bob Smith is a sailor.

America".

They hugged, patted each other on the shoulder and agreed to write letters.

Dad came home, but Vera and grandmother were not there. They played in the sandbox in the yard. Dad left the monkey and ran after them. He brought them home and said:

Look what a surprise I have prepared for you.

Grandmother is surprised:

If all the furniture in the apartment is upside down, is it a surprise?

And for sure: all the stools, all the tables and even the TV - everything is placed upside down. And there’s a monkey hanging on the chandelier and licking the light bulbs.

Vera will scream:

Oh, kitty-kitty, come to me!

The monkey immediately jumped down to her. They hugged like two fools, put their heads on each other's shoulders and froze with happiness.

What is her name? - asked the grandmother.

“I don’t know,” says dad. - Kapa, ​​Tyapa, Zhuchka!

“Only dogs are called bugs,” says the grandmother.

Let it be Murka, says dad, or Zorka.

They also found me a cat,” my grandmother argues. - And only cows are called Dawns.

Then I don’t know,” Dad was confused. - Then let's think.

What is there to think about! - says the grandmother. - We had one head of the Rono in Yegoryevsk - the spitting image of this monkey. Her name was Anfisa.

And they named the monkey Anfisa in honor of one of the managers from Yegoryevsk. And this name immediately stuck to the monkey.

Meanwhile, Vera and Anfisa separated from each other and, holding hands, went to the girl Vera’s room to look at everything there. Vera began to show her her dolls and bicycles.

Grandma looked into the room. He sees Vera walking and rocking the big doll Lyalya. And Anfisa follows on her heels and rocks a large truck.

Anfisa is all so smart and proud. She's wearing a hat with a pompom, a T-shirt that's half-length, and rubber boots on her feet.

Grandma says:

Let's go, Anfisa, to feed you.

Dad asks:

With what? After all, prosperity is growing in our city, but bananas are not growing.

What kind of bananas are there! - says the grandmother. - Now we will conduct a potato experiment.

She put sausage, bread, boiled potatoes, raw potatoes, herring, herring peelings in paper and a boiled egg in the shell on the table. She sat Anfisa in a high chair on wheels and said:

On your marks! Attention! March!

The monkey starts eating. First sausage, then bread, then boiled potatoes, then raw ones, then herring, then herring peelings in paper, then a boiled egg in the shell right with the shell.

Before we knew it, Anfisa fell asleep on the chair with an egg in her mouth.

Dad took her out of the chair and sat her on the sofa in front of the TV. Then mom came. Mom came and immediately said:

And I know. Lieutenant Colonel Gotovkin came to see us. He brought this.

Lieutenant Colonel Gotovkin was not a military lieutenant colonel, but a police officer. He loved children very much and always gave them big toys.

What an adorable monkey. Finally learned how to do it.

She took the monkey in her hands:

Oh, so heavy. What can she do?

That's it, dad said.

Does it open your eyes? "Mom says?

The monkey woke up and hugged his mother! Mom screams:

Oh, she's alive! Where is she from?

Everyone gathered around mom, and dad explained where the monkey was from and what its name was.

What breed is she? - asks mom. - What documents does she have?

Dad showed his business card:

“Bob Smith is a sailor.

America".

Thank God, at least it’s not on the street! - Mom said. - What does she eat?

That’s it,” said the grandmother. - Even paper with cleanings.

Does she know how to use a potty?

Grandma says:

Need to try. Let's do a potty experiment.

They gave Anfisa a pot, she immediately put it on her head and looked like a colonizer.

Guard! - says mom. - This is a catastrophe!

Wait,” the grandmother objects. - We'll give her a second potty.

They gave Anfisa a second pot. And she immediately guessed what to do with him.

And then everyone realized that Anfisa would live with them!

Story two FIRST TIME IN KINDERGARTEN

In the morning, dad usually took Vera to the kindergarten to join the group of children. And he went to work. Grandmother Larisa Leonidovna went to the neighboring housing office to lead a cutting and sewing group. Mom went to school to teach. Where should Anfisa go?

How to where? - Dad decided. - Let him go to kindergarten too.

At the entrance to junior group the senior teacher Elizaveta Nikolaevna was standing. Dad told her:

And we have an addition!

Elizaveta Nikolaevna was delighted and said:

Guys, what a joy, our Vera has given birth to a brother.

“This is not brother,” said dad.

Dear guys, Vera has a new sister in her family!

“That’s not my sister,” Dad said again.

And Anfisa turned her face to Elizaveta Nikolaevna. The teacher was completely confused:

What a joy. Vera had a black child in her family.

No! - says dad. - This is not a black child.

It's a monkey! - says Vera.

And all the guys shouted:

Monkey! Monkey! Come here!

Can she stay in kindergarten? - asks dad.

In a living corner?

No. Together with the guys.

“This is not allowed,” says the teacher. - Maybe your monkey is hanging from the light bulbs? Or does he hit everyone with a ladle? Or maybe she likes to scatter flower pots around the room?

“And you put her on a chain,” dad suggested.

Never! - answered Elizaveta Nikolaevna. - This is so unpedagogical!

And they decided so. Dad will leave Anfisa in kindergarten, but will call every hour to ask how things are going. If Anfisa starts throwing pots or running after the director with a ladle, dad will immediately take her away. And if Anfisa behaves well, sleeps like all children, then she will be left in kindergarten forever. They will take you to the younger group.

And dad left.

The children surrounded Anfisa and began to give her everything. Natasha Grishchenkova gave her an apple. Borya Goldovsky - a typewriter. Vitalik Eliseev gave her a one-eared hare. And Tanya Fedosova - a book about vegetables.

Anfisa took it all. First with one palm, then the second, then the third, then the fourth. Since she could no longer stand, she lay down on her back and began to put her treasures into her mouth one by one.

Elizaveta Nikolaevna calls:

Children, come to the table!

The children sat down to have breakfast, but the monkey remained lying on the floor. And cry. Then the teacher took her and sat her at her educational table. Since Anfisa’s paws were full of gifts, Elizaveta Nikolaevna had to spoon feed her.

Finally the children had breakfast. And Elizaveta Nikolaevna said:

Today is our big medical day. I will teach you how to brush your teeth and clothes, use soap and a towel. Let everyone pick up a training toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste.

The guys took apart the brushes and tubes. Elizaveta Nikolaevna continued:

We took a tube in left hand, and the brush to the right. Grishchenkova, Grishchenkova, you don’t need to sweep the crumbs off the table with a toothbrush.

Anfisa didn't have enough of either a training toothbrush or a training tube. Because Anfisa was extra, unplanned. She saw that all the guys had such interesting sticks with bristles and such white bananas from which white worms crawled out, but she didn’t, and she whined.

“Don’t cry, Anfisa,” said Elizaveta Nikolaevna. - Here's a training jar with tooth powder. Here's a brush, learn.

She started the lesson.

So, we squeezed the paste onto the brush and began to brush our teeth. Like this, from top to bottom. Marusya Petrova, that's right. Vitalik Eliseev, correct. Vera, that's right. Anfisa, Anfisa, what are you doing? Who told you that you should brush your teeth on a chandelier? Anfisa, don't sprinkle us with tooth powder! Come on, come here!

Anfisa obediently got down and was tied to a chair with a towel to calm her down.

Now let’s move on to the second exercise,” said Elizaveta Nikolaevna. - To clean clothes. Take clothes brushes in your hands. The powder has already been sprinkled on you.

Meanwhile, Anfisa swayed on the chair, fell with it to the floor and ran on all fours with the chair on her back. Then she climbed onto the closet and sat there, like a king on a throne.

Elizaveta Nikolaevna says to the guys:

Look, we have Queen Anfisa the First. Sits on the throne. We'll have to anchor her. Come on, Natasha Grishchenkova, bring me the biggest iron from the ironing room.

Natasha brought the iron. It was so big that she fell twice along the way. And they tied Anfisa to the iron with an electrical wire. Her jumping and running ability immediately dropped sharply. She began to hobble around the room, like an old woman a hundred years ago, or like an English pirate with a cannonball on his leg in Spanish captivity in the Middle Ages.

Then the phone rang and dad asked:

Elizaveta Nikolaevna, how is my menagerie doing well?

It’s bearable for now,” says Elizaveta Nikolaevna, “we chained her to the iron.”

Is the iron electric? - asks dad.

Electric.

It’s as if she wouldn’t turn it on,” said dad. - After all, there will be a fire!

Elizaveta Nikolaevna hung up the phone and quickly went to the iron.

And on time. Anfisa actually plugged it into the socket and watches smoke come out of the carpet.

Vera,” says Elizaveta Nikolaevna, “why don’t you keep an eye on your little sister?”

Elizaveta Nikolaevna, says Vera, we are all watching her. And me, and Natasha, and Vitalik Eliseev. We even held her paws. And she turned on the iron with her foot. We didn't even notice.

Elizaveta Nikolaevna bandaged the iron fork with an adhesive plaster, now you can’t turn it on anywhere. And says:

That's what, children, now senior group I went to the singing. This means the pool is free. And you and I will go there.

Hooray! - the kids shouted and ran to grab their swimsuits.

They went to the room with the pool. They went, and Anfisa was crying and reaching out to them. She can't walk around with an iron.

Then Vera and Natasha Grishchenkova helped her. The two of them took the iron and carried it. And Anfisa walked nearby.

The room with the pool was the best. There flowers grew in tubs. There were life preservers and crocodiles everywhere. And the windows were right up to the ceiling.

All the children started jumping into the water, only water smoke began to emerge.

Anfisa also wanted to get into the water. She approached the edge of the pool and how she fell down! Only she didn’t reach the water. The iron wouldn't let her in. He was lying on the floor, and the wire did not reach the water. And Anfisa is hanging out near the wall. Dangles and cries.

“Oh, Anfisa, I’ll help you,” Vera said and with difficulty threw the iron off the edge of the pool. The iron sank to the bottom and dragged Anfisa away.

Oh,” Vera shouts, “Elizaveta Nikolaevna, Anfisa doesn’t come up!” Her iron won't let her in!

Guard! - Elizaveta Nikolaevna shouted. - Let's dive!

She was wearing a white robe and slippers and jumped into the pool with a running start. First she pulled out the iron, then Anfisa.

And he says: “This furry fool has tormented me so much, it’s as if I unloaded three wagons of coal with a shovel.”

She wrapped Anfisa in a sheet and got all the guys out of the pool.

That's it, enough swimming! Now we will all go to the music room together and sing “Now I am Cheburashka...”

The guys quickly got dressed, and Anfisa sat there, wet in the sheet.

We came to the music room. The children stood on a long bench. Elizaveta Nikolaevna sat down on a musical stool. And Anfisa, all wrapped up in swaddling clothes, was placed on the edge of the piano to dry.

And Elizveta Nikolaevna began to play:

I was once a strange, nameless toy...

And suddenly I heard - BLAM!

Elizaveta Nikolaevna looks around in surprise. She didn't fucking play it. She started again:

I was once a strange, nameless toy,

To which in the store...

And suddenly again - FUCK!

"What's the matter? - thinks Elizaveta Nikolaevna. - Maybe a mouse has settled in the piano? And he knocks on the strings?

Elizaveta Nikolaevna lifted the lid and looked at the empty piano for half an hour. No mouse.

And starts playing again:

I was once strange...

And again - FUCK, FUCK!

Wow! - says Elizaveta Nikolaevna. - It’s already two FUCK. Guys, don't you know what's going on?

The guys didn't know. And it was Anfisa, wrapped in a sheet, who was in the way. She will quietly stick out her leg, make a FUCK on the keys and pull the leg back into the sheet.

Here's what happened:

I was once strange

A nameless toy

FUCK! FUCK!

Which one in the store

No one will come

FUCK! FUCK! WHAM!

WHAM happened because Anfisa trusted herself and fell off the piano. And everyone immediately understood where these BLAM-BLAMs were coming from.

After this there was some lull in the life of the kindergarten. Either Anfiska was tired of playing tricks, or everyone was watching her very carefully, but at dinner she didn’t throw anything away. Except that she ate the soup with three spoons. Then I slept quietly with everyone else. True, she slept on the closet. But with a sheet and pillow, everything is as it should be. She didn’t scatter any pots of flowers around the room and didn’t run after the director with a chair.

Elizaveta Nikolaevna even calmed down. It's just early. Because after the afternoon tea there was artistic carving. Elizaveta Nikolaevna told the guys:

And now we will all take scissors together and cut out collars and hats from cardboard.

The guys went together to take cardboard and scissors from the table. Anfisa didn’t have enough cardboard or scissors. After all, Anfisa was unplanned and remains unplanned.

We take cardboard and cut out a circle. That’s it,” Elizaveta Nikolaevna showed.

And all the guys, sticking out their tongues, began to cut out circles. They made not only circles, but also squares, triangles and pancakes.

Where are my scissors?! - Elizaveta Nikolaevna shouted. - Anfisa, show me your palms!

Anfisa gladly showed her black palms, which contained nothing. And she hid her hind legs behind her back. The scissors were there, of course. And while the guys were cutting out their circles and visors, Anfisa also cut out holes from the material at hand.

Everyone was so carried away by the caps and collars that they did not notice how an hour passed and the parents began to arrive.

They took Natasha Grishchenkova, Vitalik Eliseev, Borya Goldovsky. And then Vera’s dad came, Vladimir Fedorovich.

How are mine?

“Okay,” says Elizaveta Nikolaevna. - Both Vera and Anfisa.

Has Anfisa really done nothing?

How did you not do it? She did it, of course. I sprinkled tooth powder on everyone. Almost started a fire. I jumped into the pool with an iron. Swung on the chandelier.

So you won't take it?

Why don't we take it? Let's take it! - said the teacher. “Now we’re cutting circles, and she doesn’t bother anyone.”

She stood up and everyone saw that her skirt was in circles. And her long legs sparkle from all angles.

Oh! - said Elizaveta Nikolaevna and even sat down. And dad took Anfisa and took the scissors away from her. They were in her hind legs.

Oh, you scarecrow! - he said. - I ruined my own happiness. You'll have to sit at home.

“You won’t have to,” said Elizaveta Nikolaevna. - We take her to kindergarten.

And the guys jumped up and down and hugged each other. That's how they fell in love with Anfisa.

Just be sure to bring a doctor's certificate! - said the teacher. - No child will be allowed to enter kindergarten without a certificate.

Story three: HOW VERA AND ANFISA WENT TO THE POLYCLINIC

While Anfisa did not have a doctor’s certificate, she was not accepted into kindergarten. She stayed at home. And Vera sat at home with her. And, of course, their grandmother was sitting with them.

True, the grandmother did not sit so much as run around the house. Either to the bakery, then to the grocery store for sausage, or to the fish store for herring peelings. Anfisa loved these cleanings more than any herring.

And then Saturday came. Father Vladimir Fedorovich did not go to school. He took Vera and Anfisa and went to the clinic with them. Receive help.

He led Vera by the hand, and decided to put Anfisa in a stroller for camouflage. So that the child population from all microdistricts does not run away.

If one of the guys noticed Anfiska, then a line would form behind her, like for oranges. The kids in the city really loved Anfiska. But she didn’t waste any time either. While the guys were spinning around her, picking her up and passing her to each other, she put her paws into their pockets and pulled everything out. He hugs the child with his front paws, and cleans the child’s pockets with his back paws. And she hid all her little things in her cheek pouches. At home, erasers, badges, pencils, keys, lighters, chewing gum, coins, pacifiers, key chains, cartridges and penknives were taken from her mouth.

So they approached the clinic. We went inside into the lobby. Everything around is white and glass. On the wall hangs a funny story in glass frames: what happened to one boy when he ate poisonous mushrooms.

And another story is about an uncle who treated himself with folk remedies: dried spiders, fresh nettle lotions and a heating pad from an electric kettle.

Vera says:

Oh, what a funny guy! He is sick and smokes.

Dad explained to her:

He's the one who doesn't smoke. It was under his blanket that the hot water bottle boiled.

Suddenly dad shouted:

Anfisa, Anfisa! Don't lick the posters! Anfisa, why did you put yourself in the trash can?! Vera, please take a broom and sweep Anfisa.

There was a huge palm tree in a tub by the window. As soon as Anfisa saw her, she rushed to her. She hugged the palm tree and stood in the tub. Dad tried to take her away - no way!

Anfisa, please let go of the palm tree! - Dad says sternly.

Anfisa doesn't let go.

Anfisa, Anfisa! - Dad says even more sternly. - Please let go of dad.

Anfisa won’t let dad go either. And her hands are like a vice made of iron. Then a doctor from the next office came in response to the noise.

What's the matter? Come on, monkey, let go of the tree!

But the monkey did not let go of the tree. The doctor tried to unhook it - and he got stuck. Dad says even more sternly:

Anfisa, Anfisa, please let go of dad, please let go of the palm tree, please let go of the doctor.

Nothing works. Then the chief doctor came.

What's the matter? Why a round dance around a palm tree? What do we have - palm tree New Year? Oh, here the monkey is holding everyone! Now we'll unhook it.

After that, dad spoke like this:

Anfisa, Anfisa, please let go of dad, please let go of the palm tree, please let go of the doctor, please let go of the chief doctor.

Vera took it and tickled Anfisa. Then she released everyone except the palm tree. She hugged the palm tree with all four paws, pressed her cheek to it and cried.

The chief doctor said:

I was recently in Africa on a cultural exchange. I saw a lot of palm trees and monkeys there. There is a monkey sitting on every palm tree. They got used to each other. And there are no Christmas trees there at all. And protein.

A simple doctor asked dad:

Why did you bring the monkey to us? She got sick?

No, says dad. - She needs a certificate for kindergarten. It needs to be explored.

How are we going to examine it, says a simple doctor, if it doesn’t move away from the palm tree?

“So we will explore without leaving the palm tree,” said the chief doctor. - Call here the main specialists and heads of departments.

And soon all the doctors approached the palm tree: a therapist, a surgeon, and an ear, nose and throat doctor. First, Anfisa’s blood was taken for analysis. She behaved very bravely. She calmly gave her finger and watched as blood was taken from her finger through a glass tube.

Then her pediatrician listened through rubber tubes. He said that Anfisa is as healthy as a little train.

Next it was necessary to take Anfisa for an x-ray. But how can you lead it if you can’t tear it away from the palm tree? Then dad and the doctor from the X-ray room brought Anfisa and the palm tree into the office. They put her and the palm tree under the machine, and the doctor said:

Breathe. Don't breathe.

Only Anfisa doesn’t understand. On the contrary, she breathes like a pump. The doctor was very tormented with her. Then he screams:

Fathers, she has a nail in her stomach!! And one more! And further! Are you feeding her nails?!

Dad answers:

We don't feed her nails. And we don’t eat ourselves.

Where did she get the nails from? - the x-ray doctor thinks. - And how to get them out of it?

Then he decided:

Let's give her a magnet on a string. The nails will stick to the magnet, and we will pull them out.

No, says dad. - We won’t give her a magnet. She lives with nails - and nothing. And if she swallows a magnet, it’s still unknown what will come of it.

At this time, Anfisa suddenly climbed up the palm tree. She climbed up to twist some shiny thing, but the nails remained in place. And then the doctor realized:

These nails were not in Anfisa, but in a palm tree. The nanny hung her robe and bucket on them at night. - He says: - Thank God, your little engine is healthy!

After that, Anfisa and the palm tree were brought back into the hall. And all the doctors gathered for a consultation. They decided that Anfisa was very healthy and that she could go to kindergarten.

The head doctor wrote a certificate for her right next to the tub and said:

That's all. You can go.

And dad answers:

Can not. Because our Anfisa can only be torn away from your palm tree with a bulldozer.

How to be? - says the chief doctor.

“I don’t know,” says dad. - Either Anfisa and I will have to part with the palm tree.

The doctors all stood in a circle together, like a KVN team, and began to think.

You need to take a monkey - and that’s it! - said the x-ray doctor. - She will be the watchman at night.

We'll sew her a white robe. And she will help us! - said the pediatrician.

Yes,” the chief doctor noted. “She’ll grab the syringe with the injection from you, and we’ll all run after her up all the stairs and attics.” And then she will fall from the curtain on some dad with this syringe. And if she runs into some classroom or kindergarten with this syringe, and even in a white coat!

If she just walks along the boulevard in a white coat with a syringe, all our old ladies and passers-by will instantly end up in the trees,” said dad. - Give our monkey your palm tree.

At this time, grandmother Larisa Leonidovna came to the clinic. She waited and waited for Vera and Anfisa. There weren't any. She became worried. And she immediately told the chief doctor:

If you take the monkey, I will stay with you too. I can't live without Anfisa.

That’s good,” says the chief doctor. - That solves everything. We just need a cleaning lady. Here's a fountain pen, write a statement.

Nothing, he says. - I’ll open the office now, I have another one there.

He just looks - there is no key. Dad explains to him:

He opened Anfisa’s mouth and, with his usual movement, took out a fountain pen, a key to the chief doctor’s office, a key to the office where the x-ray is kept, a round stamp for certificates, a round ear, nose and throat doctor’s mirror and his lighter.

When the doctors saw all this, they said:

We have enough troubles of our own that our seals are still disappearing! Take your monkey with our palm tree. We'll grow ourselves a new one. Our chief doctor travels to Africa every year for a cultural exchange. He will bring seeds.

Dad and the radiologist lifted the palm tree together with Anfisa and installed it in the stroller. So the palm tree went in the stroller. When mom saw the palm tree, she said:

According to my botanical knowledge, this palm is called Nephrolepis latifolia velvet. And it grows mainly in the spring, one meter per month. Soon it will grow upward to the neighbors. And we will have Nephrolepis multi-story. Our Anfisa will climb this palm tree all over the apartments and floors. Sit down to dinner, the herring peelings have long been on the table.

Story Four VERA AND ANFISA GO TO SCHOOL

Grandmother Larisa Leonidovna was completely exhausted with Vera and Anfisa until they went to kindergarten. She said:

When I was a school director, I rested.

She had to get up earlier than everyone else, cook breakfast for the kids, walk with them, bathe them, play with them in the sandbox.

She continued:

My whole life has been difficult: sometimes devastation, sometimes temporary difficulties. And now it has become very difficult.

She never knew what to expect from Vera and Anfisa. Let's say she cooks soup with milk. And Anfisa is sweeping the floor on the closet. And grandma’s soup turns out to be garbage, not milky.

And yesterday this is how it was. Yesterday I started washing the floors and filled everything with water. Anfisa began trying on her mother’s scarves. She had no other time. I threw the scarves on the floor, they became wet and turned into rags. I had to wash Vera’s and Anfisa’s scarves. But my strength is no longer what it used to be. I’d rather go to the station as a loader... carry bags of cabbage.

Mom calmed her down:

One more day and they will go to kindergarten. We have a health certificate, we just need to buy shoes and an apron.

Finally we bought shoes and an apron. And early in the morning dad solemnly took Vera and Anfisa to kindergarten. Or rather, it was Vera who was taken away, and Anfisa who was carried in a bag.

They approached and saw that the kindergarten was solemnly closed. And the inscription hangs big, very big:

“KINDERGARTEN IS CLOSED DUE TO A PIPE BREAKTHROUGH”

We need to take the children and animals home again. But then grandma will run away from home. And dad said to himself:

I’ll take them with me to school! And I will be calm, and it will be fun for them.

He took the girl by the hand, ordered Anfisa to get into the bag - and went. He just feels that the bag is heavy. It turned out that Vera had climbed into the bag, and Anfisa was walking outside, barefoot. Dad shook Vera out and put Anfisa in the bag. It became more convenient.

Other teachers approached the school with their children, as did the caretaker Antonov with his grandchildren Antonchiks. They also went to this pipe-breaking kindergarten. There were a lot of children - ten people, a whole class. All around, very important schoolchildren are walking or running around like crazy. Children are stuck to their dads and moms - they can’t get unstuck. But teachers have to go to class.

Then the eldest teacher Serafima Andreevna said:

We will take all the children to the teacher's room. And we’ll ask Pyotr Sergeevich to sit with them. He doesn’t have lessons, but he is an experienced teacher.

And the children were taken to the teachers’ room to see Pyotr Sergeevich. It was the school principal. He was a very experienced teacher. Because he immediately said:

Guard! Not this!

But the parents and Serafima Andreevna began to ask:

Pyotr Sergeevich, please. Just two hours!

The bell rang at school, and teachers ran to their classes to give lessons. Pyotr Sergeevich stayed with the kids. He immediately gave them toys: pointers, a globe, a collection of minerals from the Volga region and something else. Anfisa grabbed the frog preserved in alcohol and began to examine it in horror.

And so that the kids wouldn’t get bored, Pyotr Sergeevich began to tell them a fairy tale:

In one Ministry of Public Education there lived Baba Yaga...

Vera immediately said:

Oh, scary!

Not yet,” said the director. “She once wrote out a business trip for herself, sat on a broom and flew to a small town.

Vera says again:

Oh, scary!

“Nothing like that,” says the director. - She didn’t fly to our city, but to another... To Yaroslavl... She flew to one school, came to the lower grades...

Oh, scary! - Vera continued.

Yes, it’s scary,” the director agreed. - And he says: “Where is your plan for extracurricular activities for junior high school students?!! Give it here, otherwise I’ll eat you all!”

Vera wrinkled her face like a peach pit to cry. But the director managed to:

Don't cry, girl, she didn't eat anyone!

No one. All remained intact. She didn’t even eat the principal at this school... How sensitive are you kindergarteners! If fairy tales scare you, what will the truth of life do to you?!

After this, Pyotr Sergeevich distributed books and notebooks to the kindergarteners. Read, watch, study, draw.

Anfisa is very interesting book went to: “Plan of the pioneer work of the 6th “A””. Anfisa read and read... Then she didn’t like something, and she ate the plan.

Then she didn't like the fly. This fly kept knocking on the window, trying to break it. Anfisa grabbed the pointer and followed her. A fly landed on a light bulb, Anfisa was like a fly!.. It became dark in the teachers' room. The children screamed and became agitated. Pyotr Sergeevich realized that the time had come for decisive measures. He took the children out of the teachers' room and began pushing one child into each class. Such joy began in the classrooms. Imagine, just the teacher said: “Now you and I will write a dictation,” and then the child is pushed into the class.

All the girls groan:

Oh, how small! Oh, what a frightened one! Boy, boy, what's your name?

Teacher says:

Marusya, Marusya, whose are you? Did they drop you off on purpose or did you get lost?

Marusya herself is not exactly sure, so she begins to wrinkle her nose in order to cry. Then the teacher took her in his arms and said:

Here's a piece of chalk for you, draw a cat in the corner. And we will write a dictation.

Marusya, of course, began scribbling in the corner of the board. Instead of a cat, she got a snuff box with a tail. And the teacher began to dictate: “Autumn has come. All the children were sitting in the house. One boat was floating in a cold puddle..."

Pay attention, children, to the endings of the words “in the house”, “in the puddle”.

And then Marusya starts to cry.

What are you doing, girl?

It's a shame about the ship.

It was not possible to conduct a dictation in the fourth “B”.

In the fifth "A" there was geography. And the fifth “A” went to Vitalik Eliseev. He didn't make noise, didn't shout. He listened very carefully to everything about volcanoes. And then he asked teacher Grishchenkova:

Bulkan - does he make buns?

Vera and Anfisa were assigned to teacher Valentin Pavlovich Vstovsky for a zoology lesson. He told fourth-graders about the animal world of central Russia. He said:

There are no Anfisa in our forests. We have moose, wild boars, and deer. Beavers are among the smartest animals. They live near small rivers and know how to build dams and huts.

Vera listened very carefully and looked at the pictures of animals on the walls.

Anfisa also listened very carefully. And I thought to myself:

“What a beautiful handle on the cabinet. How can I lick it?

Valentin Pavlovich began to talk about domestic animals. He told Vera:

Vera, name us your pet.

Vera immediately said:

The teacher tells her:

Why an elephant? An elephant is a domestic animal in India, but you name ours.

Vera is silent and puffs. Then Valentin Pavlovich began to tell her:

Here at my grandmother’s house lives such an affectionate one with a mustache.

Vera immediately understood:

Cockroach.

No, not a cockroach. And such an affectionate one lives at his grandmother’s house... with a mustache and a tail.

Vera then finally realized everything and said:

Grandfather.

All the schoolchildren screamed like that. Valentin Pavlovich himself could not resist smiling discreetly.

Thank you, Vera, and thank you, Anfisa. You really enlivened our lesson.

And two Antonchiks were stuck with Vera’s dad for an arithmetic lesson - the grandchildren of the caretaker Antonov.

Dad immediately put them into action.

A pedestrian walks from point A to point B. Here you are... what's your name?

You, Alyosha, will be a pedestrian. And a truck is coming towards him from point B to point A... What is your name?

Seryozha Antonov!

You, Seryozha Antonov, will be a truck. Well, how are you rattling?

Seryozha Antonov rumbled beautifully. Almost ran over Alyosha. The students solved the problem instantly. Because everything became clear: how the truck was driving, how the pedestrian was walking, and that they would not meet in the middle of the path, but near the first desk. Because the truck goes twice as fast.

Everything would be fine, but then a commission from Rono arrived at the school. People arrived to check the work of the school.

We arrived, and the silence coming from the school was like steam from an iron. They immediately became wary. These were two aunts and one quiet boss with a briefcase. One aunt was as long as two. And the other is low and round, like four. Her face was round, her eyes were round and all other parts of her body were like a compass.

Long Aunt says:

How can it be that the school is so quiet? I have never seen anything like this in my long life.

The quiet boss suggested:

Could there be a flu epidemic going on right now? And all the schoolchildren are sitting at home? Or rather, they lie as one.

There is no epidemic,” answers the round aunt. - This year the flu was completely canceled. I read it in the newspapers. Our best doctors in the world purchased new medicine and gave injections to everyone. Anyone who is injected does not get sick with the flu for five years.

Then the long aunt thought:

Maybe there is a collective absence here and all the guys ran to the cinema as one to watch “Doctor Aibolit”? Or maybe the teachers go to class with batons, all the students are intimidated and the children sit as quiet as mice?

“We must go and see,” said the chief. - One thing is clear: if there is such silence at school, it means there is disorder in the school.

They entered the school and popped into the first class they came across. They look, there the guys have surrounded Borya Goldovsky and are raising him:

Why are you, boy, so unwashed?

I ate chocolate.

Why are you, boy, so dusty?

I climbed onto the closet.

Why are you, boy, so sticky?

I was sitting on a bottle of glue.

Come on, boy, we'll get you in order. We'll wash it, comb it, clean the jacket.

The commission, represented by the long aunt, asks:

Why is there a stranger in your class?

The teacher in this class was Vera's mother. She says:

This is not a stranger. This - tutorial. We have an extracurricular activity going on right now. Labor lesson.

This time the commission, represented by the round aunt, asks again:

What is an extracurricular activity? What is it called?

Verina’s mother, Natalya Alekseevna, says:

It's called "Caring for Your Little Brother."

The commission immediately stalled and became quiet. And the quiet boss asks:

And why is this lesson being taught throughout the school?

Certainly. We even have a slogan, like a call: “Caring for a younger brother is useful for all children!”

The commission finally calmed down. Quietly and quietly, on tiptoe, I came to the principal’s room in the teachers’ room.

There is silence and grace in the teachers' room. Teaching aids are everywhere as expected. And the director sits and fills out forms for the students.

The quiet boss said:

We congratulate you. You came up with a great idea with your younger brother. We will now begin such a movement in all schools.

And the long aunt said:

With a younger brother, everything is fine. How are you doing with your extracurricular activities? Give me the “Plan of extracurricular activities for junior high school students.”

Pyotr Sergeevich wrinkled his face like a peach pit.

Story five VERA AND ANFISA GOT LOST

Vera's mom and dad and their grandmother had a very nice apartment - three rooms and a kitchen. And my grandmother swept these rooms all the time. She will sweep one room, put everything in its place, and Vera and Anfisa will make a mess in another. Toys will be scattered, furniture will be overturned.

It was good when Vera and Anfisa drew. Only Anfisa had a habit - to grab a pencil and start drawing on the ceiling, sitting on the chandelier. She made such scribbles - you'll admire them. After each session, at least re-clean the ceiling. Therefore, the grandmother did not get off the stepladder with a brush and toothpaste after her drawing lessons.

Then they came up with a pencil for Anfisa to tie to the table with a string. She very quickly learned to bite the rope. The rope was replaced with a chain. Things went better. The maximum harm was that Anfisa ate the pencil and painted her mouth different colors: red, green, orange. When she smiles with such a multi-colored mouth, it immediately seems that she is not a monkey, but an alien.

But still, everyone loved Anfisa very much... It’s not even clear why.

One day grandma says:

Vera and Anfisa, you are already big! Here's a ruble, go to the bakery. Buy bread - half a loaf and a whole loaf.

Vera was very happy that she was given such an important assignment and jumped for joy. Anfisa also jumped, because Vera jumped.

“I have some change,” said the grandmother. - Here's twenty-two kopecks for a loaf and sixteen for a loaf of black.

Vera took the loaf money in one hand and the loaf money in the other and walked away. She was very afraid of mixing them up.

At the bakery, Vera began to think about which loaf to take - plain or with raisins. And Anfisa immediately grabbed two loaves, and then began to think: “Oh, how convenient! Who would you like to hit in the head with them?”

Vera says:

You cannot touch the bread with your hands or wave it. Bread must be respected. Well, put it back!

But Anfisa doesn’t remember where she got them. Vera herself then put them in their place and then thinks about what she should do - her grandmother didn’t tell her anything about the raisins.

The cashier walked away for a second. Then Anfisa will jump into her place and start issuing checks to everyone for kilometers.

People look at her and don’t recognize her:

Look how our Maria Ivanovna has dried up! What a difficult job it is for cashiers in retail!

Vera saw Anfisa at the cash register and urgently took her out of the store:

You don't know how to behave like a person. Sit here punished.

And she attached her paw to the handrail of the display case. And a dog of an unknown breed was tied to this handrail. Or rather, all breeds together. Anfisa and let's get out of this dog.

The cat left the store. And the dog couldn’t stand all its breeds of cats. Not only was the cat walking, but she was also so important, as if she were the director of the store or the head of the department for the sale of sausages.

She narrowed her eyes and looked at the dog as if it were not a dog, but some kind of accessory, a stump or a stuffed animal.

The dog couldn’t stand it, he grabbed his heart from such disdain and rushed after the cat! She even tore off the handrail from the store. And Anfisa held on to the handrail, and Vera grabbed onto Anfisa. And they all run away together.

Actually, Vera and Anfisa didn’t intend to run away anywhere, it just happened that way.

Here is a procession rushing down the street - in front is a cat, no longer so squinted and important, behind her is a dog of all breeds, behind her is a leash, then a handrail, which Anfisa is holding on to, and Vera is running after Anfisa, barely keeping up with her loaves of bread in her string bag.

Vera is running and is afraid of hitting some grandmother with her string bag. She didn’t catch the grandmother’s attention, but one middle school student fell for her.

And he also ran after them somehow sideways, although he had no intention of running anywhere.

Suddenly the cat saw a fence in front of her, and in the fence there was a hole for chickens. The cat rushes there! There was a dog with a handrail behind it, but Vera and Anfisa couldn’t fit into the hole, they hit the fence and stopped.

The middle school student unhooked them and, grumbling something middle-class, left to do his homework. And Vera and Anfisa were left alone in the middle of the big city.

Vera thinks: “It’s good that we have bread with us. We won’t die right away.”

And they went wherever they looked. And their eyes looked mainly at the swings and various posters on the walls.

Here they go, taking their time, holding hands, looking at the city. And we ourselves are a little scared: where is home? Where is Dad? Where's mom? Where is grandma with lunch? Nobody knows. And Vera begins to cry and sob a little.

And then the policeman approached them:

Hello, young citizens! Where are you going?

Vera answers him:

We're going in all directions.

Where are you coming from? - asks the policeman.

“We’re coming from the bakery,” Vera says, and Anfisa points to the loaf in her string bag.

But do you even know your address?

Of course we do.

What is your street?

Vera thought for a moment, and then said:

Pervomaiskaya street named after the First of May on Oktyabrskoye Highway.

“I see,” says the policeman, “what kind of house is it?”

Brick, says Vera, with all the amenities.

The policeman thought for a moment, and then said:

I know where to look for your house. Only one bakery sells such soft loaves. In Filippovskaya. It's on Oktyabrsky Highway. Let's go there and we'll see.

He took his radio transmitter in his hands and said:

Hello, duty officer, I found two children in the city. I'll take them home. I'll leave my booth for now. Send someone to replace me.

The duty officer answered him:

I won't send anyone. I have half a division on potatoes. No one will steal your booth. Let it stay that way.

And they walked around the city. The policeman asks:

“I can,” says Vera.

What is written here? - He pointed to one poster on the wall.

Vera read:

“For younger schoolchildren! "Thick-pepper boy."

And this boy was not thickly peppered, but gutta-percha, which means rubber.

Aren't you a junior schoolgirl? - asked the policeman.

No, I go to kindergarten. I'm a horsewoman. And Anfisa is a horsewoman.

Suddenly Vera shouted:

Oh, this is our house! We have already arrived!

They went up to the third floor and stood at the door.

How many times should I call? - asks the policeman.

“We don’t reach the bell,” says Vera. - We knock our feet.

The policeman tapped his feet. Grandma looked out and looked scared:

They've already been arrested! What have they done?

No, grandma, they didn't do anything. They got lost. Receive and sign. And I went.

No, no, no! - said the grandmother. - How impolite! I have soup on the table. Sit down and eat with us. And drink tea.

The policeman was even confused. He was completely new. They were not told anything about this at the police school. They were taught what to do with criminals: how to take them, where to hand them over. But they didn’t say anything about soup or tea with the grandmothers.

He still stayed and sat on pins and needles, and listened to his walkie-talkie all the time. And on the radio they kept saying:

Attention! Attention! All posts! On a suburban highway, a bus carrying pensioners slid into a ditch. Send a tractor-trailer.

More attention. A free car is asked to drive up to the street of the writer Chekhov. There, two old women carried a suitcase and sat down on the roadway.

Grandma says:

Oh, what interesting radio programs you have. More interesting than on TV and on Mayak.

And the radio reports again:

Attention! Attention! Attention! The tractor-trailer truck is cancelled. The pensioners themselves pulled the bus out of the ditch. And everything is fine with the grandmothers. A passing detachment of schoolchildren carried their suitcases and grandmothers to the station. Everything is fine.

Then everyone remembered that Anfisa had been gone for a long time. They look, and she’s spinning in front of the mirror, trying on a police cap.

At this time the radio says:

Policeman Matveenko! What are you doing? Are you on duty?

Our policeman stood up and said:

I'm always on duty! Now I’m finishing my second meal and heading to my booth.

You’ll finish the second one at home! - the duty officer told him. - Return to your post immediately. Now the American delegation will pass by. We need to give them the green light.

Got the hint! - said our policeman.

This is not a hint! That's an order! - the duty officer answered sternly.

And policeman Matveenko went to his post.

Since then, Vera has learned her address by heart: Pervomaisky Lane, building 8. Near Oktyabrsky Highway.

Story six: HOW VERA AND ANFISA SERVED AS A TEACHING MANUAL

There was never a dull moment in the house. Anfisa gave everyone work to do. Then it will climb into the refrigerator and come out covered in frost. Grandma shouts:

White devil from the refrigerator!

Then he will climb into a closet with clothes and come out of there in a new outfit: a jacket elongated to the ground, a scarf on his bare feet, a knitted hat in the shape of a woman’s sock, and on top of all this a shortened bra in the form of a belt.

How she will get out of the closet in this outfit, how she will walk along the carpet with the look of a European fashion model, wagging all her paws - either stand or fall! And it takes an hour to put things in order in the closet.

Therefore, Vera and Anfisa were put out on the street at the first opportunity. Dad often walked with them.

One day dad was walking with Vera and Anfisa in children's park. My father’s friend, zoology teacher Valentin Pavlovich Vstovsky, was walking with them. And his daughter Olechka was walking.

The dads talked like two English lords, and the children galloped in different directions. Then Anfisa took both dads by the hands and began to swing on the dads, like on a swing.

A salesman walked ahead with balloons. How Anfisa will swing and grab the balls! The seller got scared and threw the balls. Anfisa was carried along the alley on the balls. The dads barely caught up with her and unhooked her from the balls. And I had to buy three burst balloons from the seller. It is very disappointing to buy burst balloons. But the seller almost didn’t swear.

Here Valentin Pavlovich says to dad:

You know what, Vladimir Fedorovich, please give me Vera and Anfisa for one lesson. I want to give a lecture to sixth graders about the origins of man.

Dad responds to this:

I'll give you Anfisa, and take your daughter. You have the same one.

And it’s not like that at all,” says Vstovsky. - Mine is no different from a monkey at all. You see, they are both hanging upside down on a branch. And your Vera is a strict girl. It is immediately obvious that she is smarter than a monkey. And there will be great benefits for science.

Dad agreed for this benefit. Just asked:

What will the lecture be like?

Here's what it is. Bananas were brought to our city. I’ll put a banana on the table, Anfisa will immediately grab it, and Vera will sit quietly. I will tell the guys: “Do you see how a person differs from a monkey? He thinks, and thinks not only about bananas, but also about how to behave, because there are people all around.”

A convincing example,” said Dad.

And bananas were actually brought to the city, for the second time in this five-year period.

It was just a holiday for the city.

And indeed, all the people in the city were buying bananas. Some in a string bag, some in a plastic bag, some just in their pockets.

And all the people came to Vera’s parents’ house and said: “We don’t really need these bananas, and your Anfisa will be lost without them. She misses bananas like we miss pickles.”

Eat, eat, girl... that is, little animal!

Dad put bananas in the refrigerator, mom made jam from them, and grandmother Larisa Leonidovna dried them over the stove, like mushrooms.

And when Vera stretched her hands to the bananas, she was sternly told:

This was not brought to you, this was brought to Anfisa. You can live without bananas, but she can’t.

Anfisa was literally stuffed with bananas. And she went to bed with a banana in her mouth and a banana in each paw.

And in the morning they were taken to a lecture.

In the class there was a smart teacher Vstovsky and two whole classes of sixth graders. There were all sorts of posters on the wall on the topic: “Is there life on Earth, and where did it come from?”

These were posters of our hot planet, then a cooled planet, then a planet covered with an ocean. Then there were drawings of all kinds of marine microlife, the first fish, monsters crawling onto land, pterodactyls, dinosaurs and other representatives of the ancient zoo of the Earth. In short, it was a whole poem about life.

Teacher Valentin Pavlovich seated Vera and Anfisa at his table and began the lecture.

Guys! There are two creatures sitting in front of you. Man and monkey. Now we will conduct an experiment. To see the difference between man and monkey. So I take a banana out of my briefcase and put it on the table. See what happens.

He took out a banana and put it on the table. And then came the delicate moment. The monkey Anfisa turned away from the banana, and Vera grabbed it!

Teacher Vstovsky was shocked. He never expected such an act from Vera. But a prepared question escaped his lips:

How, guys, is a man different from a monkey?

The boys immediately shouted:

Man thinks faster!

Teacher Vstovsky sat down on the front desk facing the board and grabbed his head. Guard! But at that moment Vera peeled the banana and handed a piece to Anfisa. The teacher immediately resurrected:

No, guys, the difference between a man and a monkey is not that he thinks faster, but that he thinks about others. He cares about others, about friends, about comrades. Man is a collective being.

He turned to the class:

Come on, let's all look at the posters! Tell me, who does Pithecanthropus look like?

The boys immediately shouted:

To the caretaker Antonov!

No. He looks like a man. He already has an ax in his hands. And an ax is already a means of collective labor. They use them to cut down trees for the house and branches for the fire. People are warming up together around the fire, singing songs. Scientists say that labor created man. They are wrong. Man was created by the collective!

The schoolchildren even opened their mouths. Wow - their school teacher knows more than scientists!

A primitive people they look at sixth graders and seem to be telling them about themselves.

So, what is the difference between a human and a monkey? - asked teacher Vstovsky.

There was the most stupid boy in the class, but the smartest one, Vasya Ermolovich. He is screaming:

A monkey sits in the zoo, but a man goes to the zoo!

Any other opinions?

Eat! - shouted the solid C student Pasha Gutiontov. - A person is raised by a collective, and a monkey is raised by nature.

Well done! - Teacher Vstovsky calmed down. If a solid C-student has mastered the material, others will definitely learn it or later, later, they will understand.

Thank you, Vera and Anfisa!

And the class showered Vera and Anfisa with gifts: lighters, chewing gum, ballpoint pens, a gun with suction cups, erasers, pencil cases, glass balls, light bulbs, a nut, a bearing and other things.

Vera and Anfisa came home very important. Of course, they gave a whole lecture because of them! Because of this importance, they forgot about all sorts of disgrace and behaved well all day until the evening. And then it started again! They slept in the closet.

Story seven VERA AND ANFISA PUTTING OUT A FIRE (BUT FIRST THEY SET IT OUT)

Dad and mom worked at school on Saturdays. Because poor schoolchildren study on Saturdays... And the kindergarten did not work on Saturdays. Therefore, Vera and Anfisa sat at home with their grandmother.

They loved to sit at home with their grandmother on Saturdays. It was mostly the grandmother who sat, and they jumped and climbed all the time. And they also loved to watch TV. And play what is shown on TV.

For example, a grandmother sits and sleeps in front of the TV, and Vera and Anfisa bandage her with tape to the chair. So the film is about the life of a spy.

If Anfisa is sitting on the closet, and Vera is shooting at her with a broom from under the bed, it means they are showing a film about the war. And if Vera and Anfisa dance the dance of little swans, it is clear that there is an amateur concert.

One Saturday there was a very interesting program: “Hide matches from children.” A program about fires.

Anfisa saw the beginning of the program, went to the kitchen and found matches, and immediately put them in her cheek.

The matches have become wet and you can’t start a fire with them. They can't even light gas. Getting your matches wet can get you in trouble from your grandmother.

Vera says:

We'll dry it.

She took an electric iron and began to move the matches. The matches dried out, caught fire and started smoking. Grandma woke up in front of the TV. He sees that there is a fire on the TV, and the house smells of smoke. She thought: “This is what technology has come to! On TV, not only the color is conveyed, but also the smell.”

The fire was growing. The house became very hot. Grandma woke up again:

“Oh,” he says, “they’re already transmitting the temperature!”

And Vera and Anfisa hid under the bed out of fear. Grandma ran to the kitchen and began carrying pots of water. I poured out a lot of water - three pots, but the fire did not subside. Grandma started calling dad at school:

Oh, we're on fire!

Dad answers her:

We also have a fire. There were three commissions. From the region, from the district and from the center. Progress and attendance are checked.

Grandmother then began to take things out into the entrance - spoons, teapots, cups.

Then Vera crawled out from under the bed and called the fire brigade on phone 01. And she said:

Firemen, we have a fire.

Where do you live, girl?

Vera answers:

Pervomaisky lane, house 8. Near Oktyabrsky highway. Khysty microdistrict.

A fireman asks a friend:

Khystoy microdistrict, what is this?

“This is the eighteenth,” he answers. - We have no others.

Girl, wait for us,” said the fireman. - We're leaving!

The firefighters sang their firefighting anthem and rushed into the car.

And the house became very hot. The curtains were already on fire. Grandma took Vera by the hand and dragged her out of the apartment. And Vera insists:

I won’t go without Anfisa!

And Anfisa runs into the bath, takes water into her mouth and sprinkles it on the fire.

I had to show Anfisa the chain. She was more afraid of this chain than fire. Because when she was very hooligan, she was tied to this chain for the whole day.

Then Anfisa calmed down, and she and Vera began to sit on the windowsill in the entrance.

Grandma keeps running into the apartment. He will come in, take a valuable thing - a saucepan or a ladle - and run out into the entrance.

And then the fire escape pulled up to the window. A fireman in a gas mask opened the window and climbed into the kitchen with a hose.

The grandmother rashly thought that this was an evil spirit and how she would hit him with a frying pan. It’s good that gas masks are made with a quality mark, but frying pans are made using the old method, without state acceptance. The frying pan fell apart.

And the fireman poured a little water on the grandmother with a hose to calm her down, so that she would not be so hot. And he began to put out the fire. He quickly put it out.

Just at this time, mom and dad are returning home from school. Mom says:

Oh, it looks like someone is on fire in our house! Who has it?

Yes, this is ours! - Dad shouted. - My grandmother called me!

He quickly ran forward.

How is my Faith? How is my Anfisa? How is my grandmother doing?

Thank God, everyone was safe.

Since then, dad hid matches from Vera, Anfisa and grandmother under lock and key. And in the book of gratitude he wrote gratitude to the fire brigade in verse:

Our firefighters

The leanest!

The slimmest!

The most worthy!

The best firefighter in the world is Russian,

He is not afraid of any fire!

Story Eight VERA AND ANFISA OPEN THE ANCIENT DOOR

Every evening, dad and Larisa Leonidovna sat down with Anfisa at the table and looked at what had accumulated in her cheek pouches during the day.

What was not there! And you get a watch, and you get bottles, and one day even a police whistle.

Dad said:

Where is the policeman himself?

“He probably didn’t fit in,” my mother answered.

One day, dad and grandma are watching, and a large old key sticks out of Anfisa. It's copper and doesn't fit in your mouth. Just like a mysterious old door from a fairy tale.

Dad looked and said:

I wish I could find the door to this key. There's probably an old treasure with coins behind it.

No, said mom. - Behind that door there are old dresses, beautiful mirrors and jewelry.

Vera thought: “It would be nice if there were live old tiger cubs or puppies sitting behind this door. If only we could live happily!”

Grandma told mom and dad:

No matter how it is. I'm sure that behind this door there are old padded jackets and a bag of dried cockroaches.

If Anfisa had been asked what was behind this door, she would have said:

Five bags of coconuts.

And what else?

And one more bag.

Dad thought for a long time and decided:

If there is a key, there must be a door.

He even hung this notice in the teacher’s room at school:

“Whoever finds the door of this key will receive half of what is behind this door.”

Below the ad he hung the key on a string. And all the teachers read the announcement and remembered: had they encountered this very door somewhere?

The cleaning lady Maria Mikhailovna came and said:

I don’t even need everything that’s behind this door for free.

The teachers listened:

What is it worth there?

There are skeletons there. And the rest is nonsense.

What skeletons? - Zoology teacher Valentin Pavlovich became interested. - I ordered skeletons twice, but they still won’t give me. You have to show the human structure on yourself. But all my proportions are wrong.

The other teachers listened. Vera's dad also asks:

Maria Mikhailovna, what kind of nonsense is this?

Yes, yes,” answers Maria Mikhailovna. - Some globes, some chatterers with handles. There is nothing interesting, not a single broom or rag for the floor.

Then an initiative group of teachers was formed. They took the key and said:

Show us, Maria Mikhailovna, this treasured door.

Let’s go,” says Maria Mikhailovna.

And she led them to the old utility building, where the gym used to be in the royal gymnasium. There the stairs went down to the boiler room. And up it led to the old observatory. And under the stairs there is an old door.

“Here is your door,” says Maria Mikhailovna.

As soon as the door was opened, everyone gasped. What's not there! And two skeletons are standing, shaking their arms. And the stuffed wood grouse is huge, completely new. And some instruments with arrows. And even three soccer balls.

The teachers screamed and jumped up and down. The physics teacher, my mother’s friend, young Lena Egorycheva, even began to hug everyone:

Look, there's a machine for producing electrostatic electricity! Yes, there are four voltmeters here. And in lessons we try electricity on the tongue in the old fashioned way.

Valentin Pavlovich Vstovsky even danced a waltz with the skeleton:

These are the skeletons. With a quality mark! One is even pre-revolutionary. Here it is written: “HUMAN SKELETON. Supplier of His Majesty’s Court Semizhnov V.P.”

I wonder,” says dad, “did he supply skeletons to the yard or is this the skeleton of the supplier when he was already supplied?”

Everyone began to think about this mysterious secret.

And then the supply manager Antonov came running excited. He is screaming:

I will not let it! This is school good, people's good. That means it's a draw.

The teachers argued with him:

How is it a draw if it is popular? If it is popular, then it is ours.

If it were yours, it would have worn out and deteriorated long ago. And here it will stand completely intact for another hundred years.

His teachers are begging him to distribute all this to his classrooms. And he is categorically against it:

I am a supply manager myself, my dad was a supply manager, and my grandfather was a school supply manager at the gymnasium. And we saved it all.

Then dad came up to him, hugged him and said:

Our dear Antonov Mitrofan Mitrofanovich! We are not asking for ourselves, for the guys. They will study better and behave better. They will go into science. They will become new scientists, engineers, and large supply managers. We will even ask you to teach them management skills during labor lessons.

For a long time no one called the caretaker Antonov Mitrofan Mitrofanovich, everyone called him simply: “Where has our supply manager Antonov disappeared to?” And when he imagined how he would teach management, he completely melted:

Okay, take everything. Good people don't mind anything. Just take care of your school property!

The teachers went in different directions, some with what: some with a skeleton, some with a dynamo for electrostatic electricity, some with a globe measuring one meter by meter.

Mitrofan Mitrofanovich approached Vera’s dad and said:

And this is a personal gift for you. Big squirrel wheel. Once upon a time there lived a bear cub at the school, he tumbled in this wheel. My grandfather soldered this wheel. Let your Anfisa spin in it.

Dad thanked Mitrofan Mitrofanovich very much. And I took the wheel home on a school cart. And first of all, Vera got into the wheel, of course, and then Anfisa.

Since then, life has become easier for Verina’s grandmother. Because Vera and Anfisa did not get off the wheel. Then Vera is spinning inside, Anfisa is running on top. On the contrary, Anfisa is moving inside with crooked paws, and Vera is mincing on top. Otherwise, both of them are dangling inside, only the bars are creaking.

When Valentin Pavlovich Vstovsky came to dad, he looked at all this and said:

It's a pity that I didn't have such a thing as a child. Then I would be five times more athletic. And all my proportions would be correct.

Story nine: WORK DAY IN KINDERGARTEN

Previously, Vera did not like going to kindergarten. She made a squeak every time:

Dad, daddy, I'd rather sit at home. My head hurts so much that my legs can't bend!

Why are you sick with us, girl?

Near death.

Everything will pass in kindergarten, all death is yours.

And it’s true that death passed as soon as Vera entered the kindergarten. And her legs bent, and her head passed through. The hardest part was getting to kindergarten.

And when Anfisa appeared in the house, Vera began to go to kindergarten easily. And it became easy to wake up, and she forgot about her death, and it was almost impossible to pick her up from kindergarten.

Oh, daddy, I’ll play for two more hours!

And all because there was a very good teacher in the garden, Elizaveta Nikolaevna. She came up with something every day.

Today she told the children:

Guys, we have a very difficult day today. Today we will have labor education. We will carry bricks from place to place. Do you know how to carry bricks?

Vera asked:

Where are our bricks?

Oh yes! - the teacher agreed. - We forgot about the bricks. Let Anfisa be a brick for us. We will carry it. You, Anfisa, will be our teaching aid. That is, a brick allowance. Agree?

Anfisa doesn’t understand what bricks are or what a teaching aid is. But when asked, she always says, “Uh-huh.”

So, bricks can be carried on a stretcher, they can be transported in a wheelbarrow. Children, Vitalik, take a small stretcher and, together with Vera, carry Anfisa.

The children did just that. However, Anfisa was not exactly a brick. The teacher barely had time to reprimand her:

Bricks, bricks, don't ride on a stretcher! Bricks, bricks, why did you take Vitalik’s cap? Bricks, bricks, you must lie still. Here's your time! The bricks are sitting on our tree. Okay, now let’s leave the bricks alone and let’s get busy painting the building. I ask everyone to pick up their brushes.

The teacher handed out brushes and buckets of paint to everyone.

Attention, children! This is educational paint. That is, ordinary water. We will study to be a painter. Dip the brush into the paint and move the brush along the wall. Anfisa, Anfisa, they didn’t give you a bucket. What do you use to paint the fence?

Vitalik Eliseev said:

Elizaveta Nikolaevna, she paints the fence with compote.

Where did she get it?

They put it out in a pan on the window to cool.

Guard! - the teacher shouted. - Anfisa left kindergarten without compote! Let's learn to do without sweets. And now we will start raising Anfisa. Let's look at her behavior, look at her personal file.

But it was not possible to sort out the personal file because the bees arrived.

Guard! - Elizaveta Nikolaevna shouted. - Bees! A whole hive! They arrived for compote. We are conducting a training session on how to save yourself from bees while traveling. The best way to escape from bees is to dive into the pool. We run into the pool and dive in as one.

The guys ran into the pool all as one. Only Anfisa didn’t run. She had been afraid of this pool since last time.

The bees bit her a little. Her whole face was swollen. Anfisa crawled into the closet from the bees. Sits in the closet and cries.

Then dad came. And Elizaveta Nikolaevna returned with the wet babies. Dad asked:

What do you have? Was it raining?

Yes, biting rain of bees.

Why did your bees start flying?

But because some people paint buildings with compote.

Who is it that paints your buildings with compote?

Yes, one of your good friends, such a mysterious lady-citizen named Anfisa.

Where is that mysterious lady citizen? - Dad asked.

Most likely, she is sitting in the closet. That's where it is located.

Dad opened the closet and saw: Anfisa sitting and whining.

Oh,” says dad, “how plump she has become!”

No, she’s not plump,” the teacher answers. - She was bitten by a bee.

“I don’t know what to do,” says dad. - Maybe we should give it to the zoo?

Here all the children will cry. The teacher says:

Don't cry, children, you are already wet.

Then she says to dad:

As far as I understand, our kindergarten will not part with Anfisa. If she goes to the zoo, then we go to the zoo. Children, do you want to go to the zoo?

We want! - the children shouted.

To elephants and boa constrictors?

To hippos and crocodiles?

To frogs and cobras?

Do you want them to eat you, gore you, bite you?

This is very good. But to get into the zoo, you have to behave well. You must be able to wash the floors, make your bed, wash cups and spoons. So, let's start cleaning the floor.

Well, guys,” dad said to Vera and Anfisa, “let’s go home.”

“What are you talking about, dad,” Vera said in response. - Now the fun is just beginning. We will wash the floors.

Story tenth VERA AND ANFIS A TAKE PART IN THE PLAY “THREE MUSKETERS”

Every school has a New Year. And at the school where Vera’s dad and mom worked, he was also getting closer.

The teachers of this school decided to make a gift for the children - to prepare for them a performance based on the book by the writer Dumas “The Three Musketeers”.

Dad, of course, played the main role - the musketeer D'Artagnan. He forged his own sword in the school’s production workshops. Grandmother Larisa sewed him a beautiful musketeer's cloak with a white cross on the back. From three old hats he made himself one, but very beautiful, with ostrich feathers from a rooster.

In general, dad became the right musketeer.

Zoology teacher Valentin Pavlovich Vstovsky played the Duke of Rochefort - such a dark, unpleasant person in the service of Cardinal Richelieu. And Richelieu was played by the head teacher of the senior classes Pavlyonok Boris Borisovich.

Dad and Vstovsky shouted to each other all day long: “Your sword, you unfortunate thing!” - and they fought with swords. They fought so well that two windows in the gym were broken and one chair in the auditorium was practically turned into powder. The caretaker Antonov, despite all his love for dad and art, cursed and got angry for about five minutes. And then he said:

I'll put in some more glass. And it’s almost impossible to glue a chair together. But you have to try.

He put the chair in a bag and took it home to try. He loved school furniture so much.

Mom, of course, played the Queen of France. First of all, she was very beautiful. Secondly, French knew very well. Thirdly, she has a beautiful dress left over from when she was a bride. White dress with stars. Only queens wear these, and not to work, but on holidays.

School director Pyotr Sergeevich Okunkov, of course, was unanimously elected King of France. He was both personable and strict, like a real king. And the schoolchildren simply would not have believed in another king.

To all teachers good roles got it. After school everyone rehearsed and rehearsed. Sometimes mom and dad took Vera and Anfisa with them. They sat in the corner of the stage under the piano. Vera listened to everything, frozen, and Anfisa tried to grab some of the participants by the leg.

And sometimes there were inconsistencies. For example, the King of France Pyotr Sergeevich Okunkov speaks in a royal voice:

Where is my faithful minister of the court, the Marquis de Bourville?

The courtiers answer him in sadness:

He is not here. Poisoned by an enemy cutlet, he passed away a week ago.

And at this moment, the Marquis de Bourville, aka the caretaker Mitrofan Mitrofanovich Antonov, in all his marquis attire from the old school velvet curtain, suddenly plops down at the king’s feet at full height. Because he was walking near the piano, and Anfisa grabbed him by the boot.

This means that he was poisoned badly, says the stern King Louis the Sixteenth, if he is trying to disrupt our royal council with his clumsy fall. Take him away and poison him properly!

Antonov then swears at Anfiska:

Take this zoo corner to grandma's. I don't have the strength to tolerate him at school.

“We would clean it,” says mom, “but grandma doesn’t have the strength to tolerate this corner of the house.” This corner almost burned our house down. When he is here, we are calmer.

But most of all Anfisa was interested in the royal pendants. If you remember, in " The Three Musketeers» french king He gave the queen precious pendants for her birthday. Very beautiful diamond pendants. And the queen was frivolous. Instead of giving everything to the house, everything to the house, she gave these pendants to one Duke of Buckingham from England. She liked this duke very much. And she had a cool relationship with the king. And the harmful and treacherous Duke Richelieu - remember, Pavlenok Boris Borisovich - told the king everything. And says:

Your Majesty, ask the Queen: “Where are my pendants?” I wonder what she will tell you. She has nothing to say.

After that, the most important thing began. The queen replies that the pendants are being repaired, nothing serious, they say. Will be soon. And the king says: “Then let them be on you. We'll have a royal ball soon. Please wear these pendants to the ball. Otherwise I might think badly of you.”

Then the queen asks D'Artagnan to ride to England to bring the pendants. He gallops, brings pendants, and everything ends well.

So Anfisa was not so much interested in the performance as in these pendants. She literally couldn't take her eyes off them. Anfisa has never seen anything more beautiful in her life. In her distant Africa, such pendants did not grow on trees and the locals did not wear them.

Soon the New Year is almost here. Mom and Dad began to get ready for school for the holiday. They put on smart suits and combed their hair. Dad began to attach the sword. Grandmother began to put Vera and Anfisa to bed.

Suddenly mom says:

Where are the pendants?

As where? - says dad. - They were lying near the mirror, in a box. Mom says:

There is a box, but no pendants.

So, we need to ask Anfisa,” dad decided. - Anfisa, Anfisa, come here!

But Anfisa isn’t going anywhere. She is sitting in her crib, wrapped in a rug. Dad took Anfisa and brought her into the light. He sat me down on a chair under a lamp.

Anfisa, open your mouth!

Anfisa doesn't matter. And he doesn’t open his mouth. Dad tried to force her mouth open. Anfisa growls.

Wow! - says dad. - This has never happened to her. Anfisa, give me the pendants, otherwise things will get worse.

Anfisa doesn't give anything away. Then dad took a tablespoon and began to unclench Anfisa’s teeth with a tablespoon. Then Anfisa opened her mouth and chewed on this spoon like a straw.

Wow! - says dad. - Our Anfisa is no joke! What do we do?

What to do? - says mom. - I'll have to take it with me to school. We don't have time.

Then Vera screams from her bed:

And me to school! And me to school!

But you didn’t eat the pendants! - says dad.

“And I can eat it too,” Vera answers.

What are you teaching your child? - Mom is indignant. - Okay, daughter, get dressed quickly. We run to school on New Year's Day.

Grandma says:

You are completely crazy! Children outside at night in winter! Yes, even to school, to the auditorium.

Dad said to this:

And you, Larisa Leonidovna, instead of grumbling, it would be better to get ready too. The whole family will go to school.

Grandmother did not stop grumbling, but began to get ready.

Should I take the potty with me?

What kind of pot? - Dad shouts. - What, there are no toilets at school, why are we starting to carry potties with us?

In general, half an hour before the start of the performance, dad, mom and everyone else came to school. Director Pyotr Sergeevich Louis the Sixteenth swears:

What took you so long? We're worried because of you.

And the head teacher of the senior classes, Boris Borisovich Richelieu, commands:

Let's quickly get the kids to the teachers' room and get on stage! We will hold the last rehearsal.

The grandmother took the children and animals to the teachers' room. There were a lot of different suits and coats lying on the sofas. She stuffed Vera and Anfisa into these suits.

Sleep for now. When the most interesting thing happens, you will be woken up.

And Vera and Anfisa fell asleep.

Soon the spectators gathered. The music started playing and the performance began. The teachers played just great. Musketeers guarded the king. And they saved everyone. They were brave and kind. Cardinal Richelieu's guards committed every possible evil, arresting everyone and throwing them behind bars.

Dad fought all the time with Duke Rochefort of Vstovsky. Even sparks flew from their swords. - And dad mostly won. Richelieu's affairs went from bad to worse. And then Richelieu found out about the pendants. Milady, such a harmful woman, the head teacher of junior classes, Serafima Andreevna Zhdanova, told him about this.

And so Richelieu approaches the king and says: “Ask, Your Majesty, the queen: “Where are my pendants?” What will she tell you? She has nothing to say.

The Queen really has nothing to say. She immediately calls Papa D'Artagnan and asks:

Ah, my dear D’Artagnan! Hurry straight to England and bring me these pendants. Otherwise I would die.

D'Artagnan answers:

I won't allow this! And all the other musketeers won’t allow it! Wait for me and I will return!

He ran out behind the curtain, jumped on his horse and galloped straight to the teachers' room. There he grabbed Anfiska by the collar - and again on stage. And on the stage is already the palace of the Duke of Buckingham. Rich curtains, candles, crystal, brought from home. And the Duke walks around sad and very sad.

D'Artagnan asks him:

Why are you so sad, Duke? What happened?

The Duke answers:

Well, I had diamond pendants from the French queen, but they disappeared somewhere. D'Artagnan says:

I know these pendants. I just came for them. Only you, Duke, don’t be sad. Your favorite monkey stuffed these pendants into his mouth. I saw it myself. Or rather, your lackeys told me about it.

Where's the monkey? - asks the Duke.

The monkey is sitting on your desk, eating a candle.

The Duke turned around, grabbed the monkey and gave it to D’Artagnan:

Dear Musketeer, give these pendants along with the monkey to my beloved French queen. There will be two gifts for her at once.

What's the name of this monkey? - asks the famous musketeer.

She has such a beautiful French name - Anfison!

Oh, I think our queen will really like Anfison. She loves animals so much.

Dad grabbed Anfison and galloped off to France. And there the royal ball is already in full swing. The Queen walks around so worried - there are no pendants in sight. The Duke of Richelieu walks around contentedly, rubbing his hands. And the king keeps asking:

So where are the pendants, honey? I don't see them for some reason.

“They’ll bring it now,” the queen answers and keeps looking at the door.

And then D’Artagnan galloped up:

Here are your favorite pendants, queen. Your maid sent them to you along with the monkey Anfison.

And why?

The monkey stuffed them into his mouth and doesn’t want to part with them.

The queen hands the monkey to the king:

Your Majesty, here is Anfison with pendants. Get it if you don't believe me.

And Anfison growls like two Barbossons. Doesn't want to part with the pendants. The king then says:

I believe, but Richelieu doubts. Let him check.

Anfison was handed over to Richelieu. Only Richelieu is cunning. He ordered a kilogram of nuts and a couple of lighters to be brought on a tray. When Anfison saw these riches, she took the pendants out of her mouth and began stuffing the nuts.

Richelieu took the drooling pendants with two fingers, looked at the light and said:

They! Yours took it, gentlemen musketeers. But we will meet again twenty years later.

Then the curtain fell. The success was deafening. There was such a noise that even Vera woke up in the staff room:

What, the most interesting thing has begun?

And the most interesting thing is over. But still, Vera got a lot of interesting things. Both schoolchildren and teachers gave her many gifts. She danced around the Christmas tree with the kids. And Anfisa was sitting on this tree, licking the Christmas tree decorations.

Story eleven VERA AND ANFISA PARTICIPATE IN A CHILDREN'S DRAWING EXHIBITION

One day a message went through all schools that children's drawings were needed. That soon there will be a regional exhibition of children's drawings. And then the citywide one, and then the Moscow one.

And the best drawings from Moscow will go to the exhibition children's drawing in Rio de Janeiro.

All the children were given complete freedom - draw with whatever you want: with charcoal, oil paints, pencils, embroider. And on whatever you want: on paper, on canvas, on wood. Only the theme of all drawings should be the same: “Why I love my native school.”

And in each class drawing lessons were held on this topic. And whoever didn’t make it in class could go to a special drawing class and work there for real.

All the kids at school sketched it. The older guys drew more with charcoal or pencils. The kids painted only in oils. The younger the guys were, the more confident they got to work, and immediately created masterpieces.

These are the pictures that came to light a week later. Pasha Gutiontov, when he learned the theme, immediately drew a dining room and rosy pies. The picture turned out to be very good, tasty, and has nothing to do with studying.

Lena Loginova painted the following picture: thin-legged loaders are carrying something that looks like a mixture of a concert grand piano and a TV.

The head teacher Serafima Andreevna asked:

What's the name of your drawing?

Very simple. “They brought the computer.”

Is this a computer? - asked Serafima Andreevna. - It's flat, like a typewriter.

Lena said:

And I thought he was huge. Since they talk so much about him. - And yet there were not enough drawings from the kids. Therefore, the two junior classes were gathered in the drawing class, they were given a choice of what to draw and what to draw on, and they were told:

Draw, create. Glorify your home school and the Ministry of Education.

Vera's dad taught this lesson. He brought Vera and Anfisa with him. Because it was on Saturday, when the kindergarten is closed.

Vera took colored pencils and large paper and began drawing on the floor.

Vera, Vera, why are you drawing on the floor?

And it’s more convenient. You can draw from all sides.

Oh, how interesting it is in drawing class! Children sit at tables and easels and draw, draw, draw.

For those who experience bright nature, it’s mostly autumn. Autumn is the easiest to draw, it’s so colorful - you can’t confuse it with any other weather. Some have Cheburashka with flowers, some have only flowers without Cheburashka. Whose picture shows a lopsided rocket flying into space.

Vitalik, Vitalik, why are you drawing a rocket? You need to draw “Why I love my native school”!

Vitalik Pryakhin answers:

Why, I’ll fly straight from school to space!

And you, Vika Eliseeva, why did you draw a cow in the meadow? Does this have anything to do with school?

Of course it does. We recently passed this cow. This cow is called "Pets".

And who is that round one grazing nearby? Is this a frying pan?

No. This is my duck grazing.

Very good duck, yellow. Why does she have four legs?

Vika thought:

How much?

Probably two.

And I also have two ducks. Only one stands behind the other.

Dad approached Vera:

And you, daughter, what are you drawing?

- “My dad is taking the children to the zoo.”

Draw, draw, girl.

What did Anfisa do? She snatched away the largest brush. Then she stole a tube of purple paint from one boy. And I started trying paint on my tongue.

The paint turned out to be tasteless. And Anfisa spat on her easel for a long time. She got these purple stars on a white background. When the purple paint ran out, Anfisa whistled the red one. This time she was smarter. She squeezed red paint onto a brush, like all the guys did.

And lo and behold, a big, nasty fly flew into the classroom. And she sat down right on the paper with Anfisa. Anfisa hits it with a brush. A red sun with rays immediately appeared in her drawing. Bright, free, and the fly flew to another easel.

“Oh, so,” Anfisa thinks, “I’ll show you!”

And again, slam on the fly! And the boy on whose easel the fly landed had no intention of painting the sun. On the contrary, he painted “I am going to school on a winter day.” And suddenly the hot sun shone on him half a winter day.

The boy will be so upset. How he will cry. Let the fly fly from place to place. Anfisa, let's beat this fly. Wherever the fly lands, Anfisa slams her brush! If he sits on a boy, Anfisa clap, if he sits on a girl, Anfisa clap! Then a fly landed on dad, Anfisa and dad clap!

Soon all the children in the art class were marked with red paint, like chickens in a suburban suburban community.

In short, everyone rushed at Anfisa, grabbed her by the arms, legs and tied her to the easel with a rope. Having nothing else to do, Anfisa began to draw more seriously. And I drew green grass, and some ants with suitcases, and a cutaway cucumber. And I also painted and painted with a brush, and with splashes, and with my hands.

What do you get, Vera? - Dad asked.

Zoo.

Dad is watching. Big-headed children walk on thin matches. And around there are various frightened predators in cages: tigers there, carrot-colored striped lions. And there is a small, small elephant in the upper corner.

Why is the elephant so tiny? Is he a dwarf?

No. He's ordinary. It's just a long way to go.

Dad collected all the children’s drawings and put them in a large folder for papers. He took the last drawing from Anfisa.

What shall we call him, Anfisa?

Woohoo! - Anfisa answers.

Dad looked at the drawing carefully and saw there, above the ground between the stars and the sun, a palm drawn by a very thin hand. And dad said:

We will call this drawing “The Kind Hand of the Teacher.”

And I also put the drawing in the folder.

Here our story about Vera and Anfisa comes to an end. There were many, many more adventures with them. You can't tell us everything. But if you really want to, write me a letter, and then I’ll tell you something else. Because I am very friends with their dad, Vladimir Fedorovich. In the meantime, I want to tell you how this ended last story about a children's drawing competition.

All the drawings from the school were sent first to the regional exhibition, then the best drawings from the district went to the city one.

Both the city and regional exhibitions were a success. People walked around, looked at everything and said:

Oh, what a beautiful rocket!

Oh, what a beautiful cow!

Oh, what a beautiful duck on four legs!

But what fascinated me most was the bright, cheerful painting “The Kind Hand of the Teacher.”

This is a drawing! It has everything: the sun, the stars, the grass, and children with suitcases.

And the teacher with his hand calls the children to the bright sun.

See. He calls them to the light even at night.

Although Anfisa didn’t invite anyone anywhere, she just wanted to swat a fly and was spitting tasteless paint.

And then the drawings went abroad, to the hot city of Rio de Janeiro. And there, too, “The Kind Hand of the Teacher” made a good impression. Everyone noted and praised her. And the chief organizing artist said:

I really like this hand. I would even be happy to squeeze it. I think this hand deserves first prize.

But other organizing artists argued. They said that the author was carried away by symbolism, fell under the influence of the impressionists and too enhanced the light range in a contrasting manner. Although Anfisa wasn’t into anything like that, didn’t fall for anything and didn’t enhance anything at all in a contrasting manner. She was just chasing a fly and spitting out the tasteless paint.

As a result of all the controversy, she was given the third place of honor. And her drawing received the “Crystal Vase with Color Stain” prize.

Soon this vase arrived in Moscow, and from Moscow to the city of Anfisin. On the vase is the signature “Anfison Matthew. THE USSR". And they brought this vase to school. They gathered all the young artists and announced:

Guys! We had great joy. Our drawing “Teacher's Hand” took third place in the international exhibition in Rio de Janeiro. The author of this drawing is Anfison Matthew!

School director Pyotr Sergeevich said:

I didn’t even know we had such a student. I ask this worthy young man to come on stage.

But no one came on stage, because there was no such worthy young man, Anfison Matthew, but only the monkey Anfiska.

And Vera’s dad confessed everything about how he sent Anfisa’s drawing along with the children’s drawings to the exhibition. And then the director said:

This means that our drawing school is very good, if even our monkeys draw no worse than foreign schoolchildren. And let's clap our Anfisa and give her the crystal vase, deservedly. And let's fill it with delicious and interesting things. Take out of your pockets what you have.

Story one WHERE ANFISA CAME FROM

In one city there lived a family - father, mother, girl Vera and grandmother Larisa Leonidovna. Dad and mom were school teachers. And Larisa Leonidovna was a school director, but retired.

No country in the world has so many leading teaching staff per child! And the girl Vera was supposed to become the most educated in the world. But she was capricious and disobedient. Either he catches a chicken and starts swaddling it, or the next boy in the sandbox gets cracked by the scoop so much that he has to take the scoop in for repairs.

Therefore, grandmother Larisa Leonidovna was always next to her - at a short distance, one meter. It's like she's the bodyguard of the President of the Republic.

Dad often said:

How can I teach other people’s children math if I can’t raise my own child?

Grandmother interceded:

This girl is capricious now. Because it's small. And when she grows up, she won’t hit the neighbors’ boys with a dustpan.

“She’ll start hitting them with a shovel,” dad argued.

One day dad walked past the port where the ships were docked. And he sees: one foreign sailor is offering something to all passers-by in a transparent bag. And passers-by look, doubt, but don’t take it. Dad became interested and came closer. The sailor tells him in clear English:

Dear Mr. Comrade, take this live monkey. She gets seasick all the time on our ship. And when she gets sick, she always unscrews something.

How much will you have to pay for it? - Dad asked.

Not at all necessary. On the contrary, I will also give you an insurance policy. This monkey is insured. If anything happens to her: she gets sick or gets lost, the insurance company will pay you a thousand dollars for her.

Dad gladly took the monkey and gave the sailor his business card. It was written on it:

“Vladimir Fedorovich Matveev is a teacher.

The city of Plyos on the Volga.

And the sailor gave him his business card. It was written on it:

“Bob Smith is a sailor.

America".

They hugged, patted each other on the shoulder and agreed to write letters.

Dad came home, but Vera and grandmother were not there. They played in the sandbox in the yard. Dad left the monkey and ran after them. He brought them home and said:

Look what a surprise I have prepared for you.

Grandmother is surprised:

If all the furniture in the apartment is upside down, is it a surprise?

And for sure: all the stools, all the tables and even the TV - everything is placed upside down. And there’s a monkey hanging on the chandelier and licking the light bulbs.

Vera will scream:

Oh, kitty-kitty, come to me!

The monkey immediately jumped down to her. They hugged like two fools, put their heads on each other's shoulders and froze with happiness.

What is her name? - asked the grandmother.

“I don’t know,” says dad. - Kapa, ​​Tyapa, Zhuchka!

“Only dogs are called bugs,” says the grandmother.

Let it be Murka, says dad, or Zorka.

They also found me a cat,” my grandmother argues. - And only cows are called Dawns.

Then I don’t know,” Dad was confused. - Then let's think.

What is there to think about! - says the grandmother. - We had one head of the Rono in Yegoryevsk - the spitting image of this monkey. Her name was Anfisa.

And they named the monkey Anfisa in honor of one of the managers from Yegoryevsk. And this name immediately stuck to the monkey.

Meanwhile, Vera and Anfisa separated from each other and, holding hands, went to the girl Vera’s room to look at everything there. Vera began to show her her dolls and bicycles.

Grandma looked into the room. He sees Vera walking and rocking the big doll Lyalya. And Anfisa follows on her heels and rocks a large truck.

Anfisa is all so smart and proud. She's wearing a hat with a pompom, a T-shirt that's half-length, and rubber boots on her feet.

Grandma says:

Let's go, Anfisa, to feed you.

Dad asks:

With what? After all, prosperity is growing in our city, but bananas are not growing.

What kind of bananas are there! - says the grandmother. - Now we will conduct a potato experiment.

She put sausage, bread, boiled potatoes, raw potatoes, herring, herring peelings in paper and a boiled egg in the shell on the table. She sat Anfisa in a high chair on wheels and said:

On your marks! Attention! March!

The monkey starts eating. First sausage, then bread, then boiled potatoes, then raw ones, then herring, then herring peelings in paper, then a boiled egg in the shell right with the shell.

Before we knew it, Anfisa fell asleep on the chair with an egg in her mouth.

Dad took her out of the chair and sat her on the sofa in front of the TV. Then mom came. Mom came and immediately said:

And I know. Lieutenant Colonel Gotovkin came to see us. He brought this.

Lieutenant Colonel Gotovkin was not a military lieutenant colonel, but a police officer. He loved children very much and always gave them big toys.

What an adorable monkey. Finally learned how to do it.

She took the monkey in her hands:

Oh, so heavy. What can she do?

That's it, dad said.

Does it open your eyes? "Mom says?

The monkey woke up and hugged his mother! Mom screams:

Oh, she's alive! Where is she from?

Everyone gathered around mom, and dad explained where the monkey was from and what its name was.

What breed is she? - asks mom. - What documents does she have?

Dad showed his business card:

“Bob Smith is a sailor.

America".

Thank God, at least it’s not on the street! - Mom said. - What does she eat?

That’s it,” said the grandmother. - Even paper with cleanings.

Does she know how to use a potty?

Grandma says:

Need to try. Let's do a potty experiment.

They gave Anfisa a pot, she immediately put it on her head and looked like a colonizer.

Guard! - says mom. - This is a catastrophe!

Wait,” the grandmother objects. - We'll give her a second potty.

They gave Anfisa a second pot. And she immediately guessed what to do with him.

And then everyone realized that Anfisa would live with them!

Story two FIRST TIME IN KINDERGARTEN

In the morning, dad usually took Vera to the kindergarten to join the group of children. And he went to work. Grandmother Larisa Leonidovna went to the neighboring housing office to lead a cutting and sewing group. Mom went to school to teach. Where should Anfisa go?

How to where? - Dad decided. - Let him go to kindergarten too.

At the entrance to the younger group stood the senior teacher Elizaveta Nikolaevna. Dad told her:

And we have an addition!

Elizaveta Nikolaevna was delighted and said:

Guys, what a joy, our Vera has given birth to a brother.

“This is not brother,” said dad.

Dear guys, Vera has a new sister in her family!

“That’s not my sister,” Dad said again.

And Anfisa turned her face to Elizaveta Nikolaevna. The teacher was completely confused:

What a joy. Vera had a black child in her family.

No! - says dad. - This is not a black child.

It's a monkey! - says Vera.

And all the guys shouted:

Monkey! Monkey! Come here!

Can she go to kindergarten? - asks dad.

In a living corner?

No. Together with the guys.

“This is not allowed,” says the teacher. - Maybe your monkey is hanging from the light bulbs? Or does he hit everyone with a ladle? Or maybe she likes to scatter flower pots around the room?

“And you put her on a chain,” dad suggested.

Never! - answered Elizaveta Nikolaevna. - This is so unpedagogical!

And they decided so. Dad will leave Anfisa in kindergarten, but will call every hour to ask how things are going. If Anfisa starts throwing pots or running after the director with a ladle, dad will immediately take her away. And if Anfisa behaves well, sleeps like all children, then she will be left in kindergarten forever. They will take you to the younger group.

And dad left.

The children surrounded Anfisa and began to give her everything. Natasha Grishchenkova gave her an apple. Borya Goldovsky - a typewriter. Vitalik Eliseev gave her a one-eared hare. And Tanya Fedosova - a book about vegetables.

Anfisa took it all. First with one palm, then the second, then the third, then the fourth. Since she could no longer stand, she lay down on her back and began to put her treasures into her mouth one by one.

Elizaveta Nikolaevna calls:

Children, come to the table!

The children sat down to have breakfast, but the monkey remained lying on the floor. And cry. Then the teacher took her and sat her at her educational table. Since Anfisa’s paws were full of gifts, Elizaveta Nikolaevna had to spoon feed her.

Finally the children had breakfast. And Elizaveta Nikolaevna said:

Today is our big medical day. I will teach you how to brush your teeth and clothes, use soap and a towel. Let everyone pick up a training toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste.

The guys took apart the brushes and tubes. Elizaveta Nikolaevna continued:

They took the tube in their left hand and the brush in their right. Grishchenkova, Grishchenkova, you don’t need to sweep the crumbs off the table with a toothbrush.

Anfisa didn't have enough of either a training toothbrush or a training tube. Because Anfisa was extra, unplanned. She saw that all the guys had such interesting sticks with bristles and such white bananas from which white worms crawled out, but she didn’t, and she whined.

“Don’t cry, Anfisa,” said Elizaveta Nikolaevna. - Here's a training jar with tooth powder. Here's a brush, learn.

She started the lesson.

So, we squeezed the paste onto the brush and began to brush our teeth. Like this, from top to bottom. Marusya Petrova, that's right. Vitalik Eliseev, correct. Vera, that's right. Anfisa, Anfisa, what are you doing? Who told you that you should brush your teeth on a chandelier? Anfisa, don't sprinkle us with tooth powder! Come on, come here!

Anfisa obediently got down and was tied to a chair with a towel to calm her down.

Now let’s move on to the second exercise,” said Elizaveta Nikolaevna. - To clean clothes. Take clothes brushes in your hands. The powder has already been sprinkled on you.

Meanwhile, Anfisa swayed on the chair, fell with it to the floor and ran on all fours with the chair on her back. Then she climbed onto the closet and sat there, like a king on a throne.

Elizaveta Nikolaevna says to the guys:

Look, we have Queen Anfisa the First. Sits on the throne. We'll have to anchor her. Come on, Natasha Grishchenkova, bring me the biggest iron from the ironing room.

Natasha brought the iron. It was so big that she fell twice along the way. And they tied Anfisa to the iron with an electrical wire. Her jumping and running ability immediately dropped sharply. She began to hobble around the room, like an old woman a hundred years ago, or like an English pirate with a cannonball on his leg in Spanish captivity in the Middle Ages.

Then the phone rang and dad asked:

Elizaveta Nikolaevna, how is my menagerie doing well?

It’s bearable for now,” says Elizaveta Nikolaevna, “we chained her to the iron.”

Is the iron electric? - asks dad.

Electric.

It’s as if she wouldn’t turn it on,” said dad. - After all, there will be a fire!

Elizaveta Nikolaevna hung up the phone and quickly went to the iron.

And on time. Anfisa actually plugged it into the socket and watches smoke come out of the carpet.

Vera,” says Elizaveta Nikolaevna, “why don’t you keep an eye on your little sister?”

Elizaveta Nikolaevna, says Vera, we are all watching her. And me, and Natasha, and Vitalik Eliseev. We even held her paws. And she turned on the iron with her foot. We didn't even notice.

Elizaveta Nikolaevna bandaged the iron fork with an adhesive plaster, now you can’t turn it on anywhere. And says:

That's it, children, now the older group has started singing. This means the pool is free. And you and I will go there.

Hooray! - the kids shouted and ran to grab their swimsuits.

They went to the room with the pool. They went, and Anfisa was crying and reaching out to them. She can't walk around with an iron.

Then Vera and Natasha Grishchenkova helped her. The two of them took the iron and carried it. And Anfisa walked nearby.

The room with the pool was the best. There flowers grew in tubs. There were life preservers and crocodiles everywhere. And the windows were right up to the ceiling.

All the children started jumping into the water, only water smoke began to emerge.

Anfisa also wanted to get into the water. She approached the edge of the pool and how she fell down! Only she didn’t reach the water. The iron wouldn't let her in. He was lying on the floor, and the wire did not reach the water. And Anfisa is hanging out near the wall. Dangles and cries.

“Oh, Anfisa, I’ll help you,” Vera said and with difficulty threw the iron off the edge of the pool. The iron sank to the bottom and dragged Anfisa away.

Oh,” Vera shouts, “Elizaveta Nikolaevna, Anfisa doesn’t come up!” Her iron won't let her in!

Guard! - Elizaveta Nikolaevna shouted. - Let's dive!

She was wearing a white robe and slippers and jumped into the pool with a running start. First she pulled out the iron, then Anfisa.

And he says: “This furry fool has tormented me so much, it’s as if I unloaded three wagons of coal with a shovel.”

She wrapped Anfisa in a sheet and got all the guys out of the pool.

That's it, enough swimming! Now we will all go to the music room together and sing “Now I am Cheburashka...”

The guys quickly got dressed, and Anfisa sat there, wet in the sheet.

We came to the music room. The children stood on a long bench. Elizaveta Nikolaevna sat down on a musical stool. And Anfisa, all wrapped up in swaddling clothes, was placed on the edge of the piano to dry.

And Elizveta Nikolaevna began to play:

I was once a strange, nameless toy...

And suddenly I heard - BLAM!

Elizaveta Nikolaevna looks around in surprise. She didn't fucking play it. She started again:

I was once a strange, nameless toy,

To which in the store...

And suddenly again - FUCK!

"What's the matter? - thinks Elizaveta Nikolaevna. - Maybe a mouse has settled in the piano? And he knocks on the strings?

Elizaveta Nikolaevna lifted the lid and looked at the empty piano for half an hour. No mouse.

And starts playing again:

I was once strange...

And again - FUCK, FUCK!

Wow! - says Elizaveta Nikolaevna. - It’s already two FUCK. Guys, don't you know what's going on?

The guys didn't know. And it was Anfisa, wrapped in a sheet, who was in the way. She will quietly stick out her leg, make a FUCK on the keys and pull the leg back into the sheet.

Here's what happened:

I was once strange

A nameless toy

FUCK! FUCK!

Which one in the store

No one will come

FUCK! FUCK! WHAM!

WHAM happened because Anfisa trusted herself and fell off the piano. And everyone immediately understood where these BLAM-BLAMs were coming from.

After this there was some lull in the life of the kindergarten. Either Anfiska was tired of playing tricks, or everyone was watching her very carefully, but at dinner she didn’t throw anything away. Except that she ate the soup with three spoons. Then I slept quietly with everyone else. True, she slept on the closet. But with a sheet and pillow, everything is as it should be. She didn’t scatter any pots of flowers around the room and didn’t run after the director with a chair.

Elizaveta Nikolaevna even calmed down. It's just early. Because after the afternoon tea there was artistic carving. Elizaveta Nikolaevna told the guys:

And now we will all take scissors together and cut out collars and hats from cardboard.

The guys went together to take cardboard and scissors from the table. Anfisa didn’t have enough cardboard or scissors. After all, Anfisa was unplanned and remains unplanned.

We take cardboard and cut out a circle. That’s it,” Elizaveta Nikolaevna showed.

And all the guys, sticking out their tongues, began to cut out circles. They made not only circles, but also squares, triangles and pancakes.

Where are my scissors?! - Elizaveta Nikolaevna shouted. - Anfisa, show me your palms!

Anfisa gladly showed her black palms, which contained nothing. And she hid her hind legs behind her back. The scissors were there, of course. And while the guys were cutting out their circles and visors, Anfisa also cut out holes from the material at hand.

Everyone was so carried away by the caps and collars that they did not notice how an hour passed and the parents began to arrive.

They took Natasha Grishchenkova, Vitalik Eliseev, Borya Goldovsky. And then Vera’s dad came, Vladimir Fedorovich.

How are mine?

“Okay,” says Elizaveta Nikolaevna. - Both Vera and Anfisa.

Has Anfisa really done nothing?

How did you not do it? She did it, of course. I sprinkled tooth powder on everyone. Almost started a fire. I jumped into the pool with an iron. Swung on the chandelier.

So you won't take it?

Why don't we take it? Let's take it! - said the teacher. “Now we’re cutting circles, and she doesn’t bother anyone.”

She stood up and everyone saw that her skirt was in circles. And her long legs sparkle from all angles.

Oh! - said Elizaveta Nikolaevna and even sat down. And dad took Anfisa and took the scissors away from her. They were in her hind legs.

Oh, you scarecrow! - he said. - I ruined my own happiness. You'll have to sit at home.

“You won’t have to,” said Elizaveta Nikolaevna. - We take her to kindergarten.

And the guys jumped up and down and hugged each other. That's how they fell in love with Anfisa.

Just be sure to bring a doctor's certificate! - said the teacher. - No child will be allowed to enter kindergarten without a certificate.

Story three: HOW VERA AND ANFISA WENT TO THE POLYCLINIC

While Anfisa did not have a doctor’s certificate, she was not accepted into kindergarten. She stayed at home. And Vera sat at home with her. And, of course, their grandmother was sitting with them.

True, the grandmother did not sit so much as run around the house. Either to the bakery, then to the grocery store for sausage, or to the fish store for herring peelings. Anfisa loved these cleanings more than any herring.

And then Saturday came. Father Vladimir Fedorovich did not go to school. He took Vera and Anfisa and went to the clinic with them. Receive help.

He led Vera by the hand, and decided to put Anfisa in a stroller for camouflage. So that the child population from all microdistricts does not run away.

If one of the guys noticed Anfiska, then a line would form behind her, like for oranges. The kids in the city really loved Anfiska. But she didn’t waste any time either. While the guys were spinning around her, picking her up and passing her to each other, she put her paws into their pockets and pulled everything out. He hugs the child with his front paws, and cleans the child’s pockets with his back paws. And she hid all her little things in her cheek pouches. At home, erasers, badges, pencils, keys, lighters, chewing gum, coins, pacifiers, key chains, cartridges and penknives were taken from her mouth.

So they approached the clinic. We went inside into the lobby. Everything around is white and glass. On the wall hangs a funny story in glass frames: what happened to one boy when he ate poisonous mushrooms.

And another story is about an uncle who treated himself with folk remedies: dried spiders, fresh nettle lotions and a heating pad from an electric kettle.

Vera says:

Oh, what a funny guy! He is sick and smokes.

Dad explained to her:

He's the one who doesn't smoke. It was under his blanket that the hot water bottle boiled.

Suddenly dad shouted:

Anfisa, Anfisa! Don't lick the posters! Anfisa, why did you put yourself in the trash can?! Vera, please take a broom and sweep Anfisa.

There was a huge palm tree in a tub by the window. As soon as Anfisa saw her, she rushed to her. She hugged the palm tree and stood in the tub. Dad tried to take her away - no way!

Anfisa, please let go of the palm tree! - Dad says sternly.

Anfisa doesn't let go.

Anfisa, Anfisa! - Dad says even more sternly. - Please let go of dad.

Anfisa won’t let dad go either. And her hands are like a vice made of iron. Then a doctor from the next office came in response to the noise.

What's the matter? Come on, monkey, let go of the tree!

But the monkey did not let go of the tree. The doctor tried to unhook it - and he got stuck. Dad says even more sternly:

Anfisa, Anfisa, please let go of dad, please let go of the palm tree, please let go of the doctor.

Nothing works. Then the chief doctor came.

What's the matter? Why a round dance around a palm tree? Are we having a Palm New Year? Oh, here the monkey is holding everyone! Now we'll unhook it.

After that, dad spoke like this:

Anfisa, Anfisa, please let go of dad, please let go of the palm tree, please let go of the doctor, please let go of the chief doctor.

Vera took it and tickled Anfisa. Then she released everyone except the palm tree. She hugged the palm tree with all four paws, pressed her cheek to it and cried.

The chief doctor said:

I was recently in Africa on a cultural exchange. I saw a lot of palm trees and monkeys there. There is a monkey sitting on every palm tree. They got used to each other. And there are no Christmas trees there at all. And protein.

A simple doctor asked dad:

Why did you bring the monkey to us? She got sick?

No, says dad. - She needs a certificate for kindergarten. It needs to be explored.

How are we going to examine it, says a simple doctor, if it doesn’t move away from the palm tree?

“So we will explore without leaving the palm tree,” said the chief doctor. - Call here the main specialists and heads of departments.

And soon all the doctors approached the palm tree: a therapist, a surgeon, and an ear, nose and throat doctor. First, Anfisa’s blood was taken for analysis. She behaved very bravely. She calmly gave her finger and watched as blood was taken from her finger through a glass tube.

Then her pediatrician listened through rubber tubes. He said that Anfisa is as healthy as a little train.

Next it was necessary to take Anfisa for an x-ray. But how can you lead it if you can’t tear it away from the palm tree? Then dad and the doctor from the X-ray room brought Anfisa and the palm tree into the office. They put her and the palm tree under the machine, and the doctor said:

Breathe. Don't breathe.

Only Anfisa doesn’t understand. On the contrary, she breathes like a pump. The doctor was very tormented with her. Then he screams:

Fathers, she has a nail in her stomach!! And one more! And further! Are you feeding her nails?!

Dad answers:

We don't feed her nails. And we don’t eat ourselves.

Where did she get the nails from? - the x-ray doctor thinks. - And how to get them out of it?

Then he decided:

Let's give her a magnet on a string. The nails will stick to the magnet, and we will pull them out.

No, says dad. - We won’t give her a magnet. She lives with nails - and nothing. And if she swallows a magnet, it’s still unknown what will come of it.

At this time, Anfisa suddenly climbed up the palm tree. She climbed up to twist some shiny thing, but the nails remained in place. And then the doctor realized:

These nails were not in Anfisa, but in a palm tree. The nanny hung her robe and bucket on them at night. - He says: - Thank God, your little engine is healthy!

After that, Anfisa and the palm tree were brought back into the hall. And all the doctors gathered for a consultation. They decided that Anfisa was very healthy and that she could go to kindergarten.

The head doctor wrote a certificate for her right next to the tub and said:

That's all. You can go.

And dad answers:

Can not. Because our Anfisa can only be torn away from your palm tree with a bulldozer.

How to be? - says the chief doctor.

“I don’t know,” says dad. - Either Anfisa and I will have to part with the palm tree.

The doctors all stood in a circle together, like a KVN team, and began to think.

You need to take a monkey - and that’s it! - said the x-ray doctor. - She will be the watchman at night.

We'll sew her a white robe. And she will help us! - said the pediatrician.

Yes,” the chief doctor noted. “She’ll grab the syringe with the injection from you, and we’ll all run after her up all the stairs and attics.” And then she will fall from the curtain on some dad with this syringe. And if she runs into some classroom or kindergarten with this syringe, and even in a white coat!

If she just walks along the boulevard in a white coat with a syringe, all our old ladies and passers-by will instantly end up in the trees,” said dad. - Give our monkey your palm tree.

At this time, grandmother Larisa Leonidovna came to the clinic. She waited and waited for Vera and Anfisa. There weren't any. She became worried. And she immediately told the chief doctor:

If you take the monkey, I will stay with you too. I can't live without Anfisa.

That’s good,” says the chief doctor. - That solves everything. We just need a cleaning lady. Here's a fountain pen, write a statement.

Nothing, he says. - I’ll open the office now, I have another one there.

He just looks - there is no key. Dad explains to him:

He opened Anfisa’s mouth and, with his usual movement, took out a fountain pen, a key to the chief doctor’s office, a key to the office where the x-ray is kept, a round stamp for certificates, a round ear, nose and throat doctor’s mirror and his lighter.

When the doctors saw all this, they said:

We have enough troubles of our own that our seals are still disappearing! Take your monkey with our palm tree. We'll grow ourselves a new one. Our chief doctor travels to Africa every year for a cultural exchange. He will bring seeds.

Dad and the radiologist lifted the palm tree together with Anfisa and installed it in the stroller. So the palm tree went in the stroller. When mom saw the palm tree, she said:

According to my botanical knowledge, this palm is called Nephrolepis latifolia velvet. And it grows mainly in the spring, one meter per month. Soon it will grow upward to the neighbors. And we will have Nephrolepis multi-story. Our Anfisa will climb this palm tree all over the apartments and floors. Sit down to dinner, the herring peelings have long been on the table.

Story Four VERA AND ANFISA GO TO SCHOOL

Grandmother Larisa Leonidovna was completely exhausted with Vera and Anfisa until they went to kindergarten. She said:

When I was a school director, I rested.

She had to get up earlier than everyone else, cook breakfast for the kids, walk with them, bathe them, play with them in the sandbox.

She continued:

My whole life has been difficult: sometimes devastation, sometimes temporary difficulties. And now it has become very difficult.

She never knew what to expect from Vera and Anfisa. Let's say she cooks soup with milk. And Anfisa is sweeping the floor on the closet. And grandma’s soup turns out to be garbage, not milky.

And yesterday this is how it was. Yesterday I started washing the floors and filled everything with water. Anfisa began trying on her mother’s scarves. She had no other time. I threw the scarves on the floor, they became wet and turned into rags. I had to wash Vera’s and Anfisa’s scarves. But my strength is no longer what it used to be. I’d rather go to the station as a loader... carry bags of cabbage.

Mom calmed her down:

One more day and they will go to kindergarten. We have a health certificate, we just need to buy shoes and an apron.

Finally we bought shoes and an apron. And early in the morning dad solemnly took Vera and Anfisa to kindergarten. Or rather, it was Vera who was taken away, and Anfisa who was carried in a bag.

They approached and saw that the kindergarten was solemnly closed. And the inscription hangs big, very big:

“KINDERGARTEN IS CLOSED DUE TO A PIPE BREAKTHROUGH”

We need to take the children and animals home again. But then grandma will run away from home. And dad said to himself:

I’ll take them with me to school! And I will be calm, and it will be fun for them.

He took the girl by the hand, ordered Anfisa to get into the bag - and went. He just feels that the bag is heavy. It turned out that Vera had climbed into the bag, and Anfisa was walking outside, barefoot. Dad shook Vera out and put Anfisa in the bag. It became more convenient.

Other teachers approached the school with their children, as did the caretaker Antonov with his grandchildren Antonchiks. They also went to this pipe-breaking kindergarten. There were a lot of children - ten people, a whole class. All around, very important schoolchildren are walking or running around like crazy. Children are stuck to their dads and moms - they can’t get unstuck. But teachers have to go to class.

Then the eldest teacher Serafima Andreevna said:

We will take all the children to the teacher's room. And we’ll ask Pyotr Sergeevich to sit with them. He doesn’t have lessons, but he is an experienced teacher.

And the children were taken to the teachers’ room to see Pyotr Sergeevich. It was the school principal. He was a very experienced teacher. Because he immediately said:

Guard! Not this!

But the parents and Serafima Andreevna began to ask:

Pyotr Sergeevich, please. Just two hours!

The bell rang at school, and teachers ran to their classes to give lessons. Pyotr Sergeevich stayed with the kids. He immediately gave them toys: pointers, a globe, a collection of minerals from the Volga region and something else. Anfisa grabbed the frog preserved in alcohol and began to examine it in horror.

And so that the kids wouldn’t get bored, Pyotr Sergeevich began to tell them a fairy tale:

In one Ministry of Public Education there lived Baba Yaga...

Vera immediately said:

Oh, scary!

Not yet,” said the director. “She once wrote out a business trip for herself, sat on a broom and flew to a small town.

Vera says again:

Oh, scary!

“Nothing like that,” says the director. - She didn’t fly to our city, but to another... To Yaroslavl... She flew to one school, came to the lower grades...

Oh, scary! - Vera continued.

Yes, it’s scary,” the director agreed. - And he says: “Where is your plan for extracurricular activities for junior high school students?!! Give it here, otherwise I’ll eat you all!”

Vera wrinkled her face like a peach pit to cry. But the director managed to:

Don't cry, girl, she didn't eat anyone!

No one. All remained intact. She didn’t even eat the principal at this school... How sensitive are you kindergarteners! If fairy tales scare you, what will the truth of life do to you?!

After this, Pyotr Sergeevich distributed books and notebooks to the kindergarteners. Read, watch, study, draw.

Anfisa received a very interesting book: “Plan of the pioneer work of the 6th “A””. Anfisa read and read... Then she didn’t like something, and she ate the plan.

Then she didn't like the fly. This fly kept knocking on the window, trying to break it. Anfisa grabbed the pointer and followed her. A fly landed on a light bulb, Anfisa was like a fly!.. It became dark in the teachers' room. The children screamed and became agitated. Pyotr Sergeevich realized that the time had come for decisive measures. He took the children out of the teachers' room and began pushing one child into each class. Such joy began in the classrooms. Imagine, just the teacher said: “Now you and I will write a dictation,” and then the child is pushed into the class.

All the girls groan:

Oh, how small! Oh, what a frightened one! Boy, boy, what's your name?

Teacher says:

Marusya, Marusya, whose are you? Did they drop you off on purpose or did you get lost?

Marusya herself is not exactly sure, so she begins to wrinkle her nose in order to cry. Then the teacher took her in his arms and said:

Here's a piece of chalk for you, draw a cat in the corner. And we will write a dictation.

Marusya, of course, began scribbling in the corner of the board. Instead of a cat, she got a snuff box with a tail. And the teacher began to dictate: “Autumn has come. All the children were sitting in the house. One boat was floating in a cold puddle..."

Pay attention, children, to the endings of the words “in the house”, “in the puddle”.

And then Marusya starts to cry.

What are you doing, girl?

It's a shame about the ship.

It was not possible to conduct a dictation in the fourth “B”.

In the fifth "A" there was geography. And the fifth “A” went to Vitalik Eliseev. He didn't make noise, didn't shout. He listened very carefully to everything about volcanoes. And then he asked teacher Grishchenkova:

Bulkan - does he make buns?

Vera and Anfisa were assigned to teacher Valentin Pavlovich Vstovsky for a zoology lesson. He told fourth-graders about the animal world of central Russia. He said:

There are no Anfisa in our forests. We have moose, wild boars, and deer. Beavers are among the smartest animals. They live near small rivers and know how to build dams and huts.

Vera listened very carefully and looked at the pictures of animals on the walls.

Anfisa also listened very carefully. And I thought to myself:

“What a beautiful handle on the cabinet. How can I lick it?

Valentin Pavlovich began to talk about domestic animals. He told Vera:

Vera, name us your pet.

Vera immediately said:

The teacher tells her:

Why an elephant? An elephant is a domestic animal in India, but you name ours.

Vera is silent and puffs. Then Valentin Pavlovich began to tell her:

Here at my grandmother’s house lives such an affectionate one with a mustache.

Vera immediately understood:

Cockroach.

No, not a cockroach. And such an affectionate one lives at his grandmother’s house... with a mustache and a tail.

Vera then finally realized everything and said:

Grandfather.

All the schoolchildren screamed like that. Valentin Pavlovich himself could not resist smiling discreetly.

Thank you, Vera, and thank you, Anfisa. You really enlivened our lesson.

And two Antonchiks were stuck with Vera’s dad for an arithmetic lesson - the grandchildren of the caretaker Antonov.

Dad immediately put them into action.

A pedestrian walks from point A to point B. Here you are... what's your name?

You, Alyosha, will be a pedestrian. And a truck is coming towards him from point B to point A... What is your name?

Seryozha Antonov!

You, Seryozha Antonov, will be a truck. Well, how are you rattling?

Seryozha Antonov rumbled beautifully. Almost ran over Alyosha. The students solved the problem instantly. Because everything became clear: how the truck was driving, how the pedestrian was walking, and that they would not meet in the middle of the path, but near the first desk. Because the truck goes twice as fast.

Everything would be fine, but then a commission from Rono arrived at the school. People arrived to check the work of the school.

We arrived, and the silence coming from the school was like steam from an iron. They immediately became wary. These were two aunts and one quiet boss with a briefcase. One aunt was as long as two. And the other is low and round, like four. Her face was round, her eyes were round and all other parts of her body were like a compass.

Long Aunt says:

How can it be that the school is so quiet? I have never seen anything like this in my long life.

The quiet boss suggested:

Could there be a flu epidemic going on right now? And all the schoolchildren are sitting at home? Or rather, they lie as one.

There is no epidemic,” answers the round aunt. - This year the flu was completely canceled. I read it in the newspapers. Our best doctors in the world purchased new medicine and gave injections to everyone. Anyone who is injected does not get sick with the flu for five years.

Then the long aunt thought:

Maybe there is a collective absence here and all the guys ran to the cinema as one to watch “Doctor Aibolit”? Or maybe the teachers go to class with batons, all the students are intimidated and the children sit as quiet as mice?

“We must go and see,” said the chief. - One thing is clear: if there is such silence at school, it means there is disorder in the school.

They entered the school and popped into the first class they came across. They look, there the guys have surrounded Borya Goldovsky and are raising him:

Why are you, boy, so unwashed?

I ate chocolate.

Why are you, boy, so dusty?

I climbed onto the closet.

Why are you, boy, so sticky?

I was sitting on a bottle of glue.

Come on, boy, we'll get you in order. We'll wash it, comb it, clean the jacket.

The commission, represented by the long aunt, asks:

Why is there a stranger in your class?

The teacher in this class was Vera's mother. She says:

This is not a stranger. This is a tutorial. We have an extracurricular activity going on right now. Labor lesson.

This time the commission, represented by the round aunt, asks again:

What is an extracurricular activity? What is it called?

Verina’s mother, Natalya Alekseevna, says:

It's called "Caring for Your Little Brother."

The commission immediately stalled and became quiet. And the quiet boss asks:

And why is this lesson being taught throughout the school?

Certainly. We even have a slogan, like a call: “Caring for a younger brother is useful for all children!”

The commission finally calmed down. Quietly and quietly, on tiptoe, I came to the principal’s room in the teachers’ room.

There is silence and grace in the teachers' room. Teaching aids are everywhere as expected. And the director sits and fills out forms for the students.

The quiet boss said:

We congratulate you. You came up with a great idea with your younger brother. We will now begin such a movement in all schools.

And the long aunt said:

With a younger brother, everything is fine. How are you doing with your extracurricular activities? Give me the “Plan of extracurricular activities for junior high school students.”

Pyotr Sergeevich wrinkled his face like a peach pit.

Story five VERA AND ANFISA GOT LOST

Vera's mom and dad and their grandmother had a very nice apartment - three rooms and a kitchen. And my grandmother swept these rooms all the time. She will sweep one room, put everything in its place, and Vera and Anfisa will make a mess in another. Toys will be scattered, furniture will be overturned.

It was good when Vera and Anfisa drew. Only Anfisa had a habit - to grab a pencil and start drawing on the ceiling, sitting on the chandelier. She made such scribbles - you'll admire them. After each session, at least re-clean the ceiling. Therefore, the grandmother did not get off the stepladder with a brush and toothpaste after her drawing lessons.

Then they came up with a pencil for Anfisa to tie to the table with a string. She very quickly learned to bite the rope. The rope was replaced with a chain. Things went better. The maximum harm was that Anfisa ate the pencil and painted her mouth different colors: red, green, orange. When she smiles with such a multi-colored mouth, it immediately seems that she is not a monkey, but an alien.

But still, everyone loved Anfisa very much... It’s not even clear why.

One day grandma says:

Vera and Anfisa, you are already big! Here's a ruble, go to the bakery. Buy bread - half a loaf and a whole loaf.

Vera was very happy that she was given such an important assignment and jumped for joy. Anfisa also jumped, because Vera jumped.

“I have some change,” said the grandmother. - Here's twenty-two kopecks for a loaf and sixteen for a loaf of black.

Vera took the loaf money in one hand and the loaf money in the other and walked away. She was very afraid of mixing them up.

At the bakery, Vera began to think about which loaf to take - plain or with raisins. And Anfisa immediately grabbed two loaves, and then began to think: “Oh, how convenient! Who would you like to hit in the head with them?”

Vera says:

You cannot touch the bread with your hands or wave it. Bread must be respected. Well, put it back!

But Anfisa doesn’t remember where she got them. Vera herself then put them in their place and then thinks about what she should do - her grandmother didn’t tell her anything about the raisins.

The cashier walked away for a second. Then Anfisa will jump into her place and start issuing checks to everyone for kilometers.

People look at her and don’t recognize her:

Look how our Maria Ivanovna has dried up! What a difficult job it is for cashiers in retail!

Vera saw Anfisa at the cash register and urgently took her out of the store:

You don't know how to behave like a person. Sit here punished.

And she attached her paw to the handrail of the display case. And a dog of an unknown breed was tied to this handrail. Or rather, all breeds together. Anfisa and let's get out of this dog.

The cat left the store. And the dog couldn’t stand all its breeds of cats. Not only was the cat walking, but she was also so important, as if she were the director of the store or the head of the department for the sale of sausages.

She narrowed her eyes and looked at the dog as if it were not a dog, but some kind of accessory, a stump or a stuffed animal.

The dog couldn’t stand it, he grabbed his heart from such disdain and rushed after the cat! She even tore off the handrail from the store. And Anfisa held on to the handrail, and Vera grabbed onto Anfisa. And they all run away together.

Actually, Vera and Anfisa didn’t intend to run away anywhere, it just happened that way.

Here is a procession rushing down the street - in front is a cat, no longer so squinted and important, behind her is a dog of all breeds, behind her is a leash, then a handrail, which Anfisa is holding on to, and Vera is running after Anfisa, barely keeping up with her loaves of bread in her string bag.

Vera is running and is afraid of hitting some grandmother with her string bag. She didn’t catch the grandmother’s attention, but one middle school student fell for her.

And he also ran after them somehow sideways, although he had no intention of running anywhere.

Suddenly the cat saw a fence in front of her, and in the fence there was a hole for chickens. The cat rushes there! There was a dog with a handrail behind it, but Vera and Anfisa couldn’t fit into the hole, they hit the fence and stopped.

The middle school student unhooked them and, grumbling something middle-class, left to do his homework. And Vera and Anfisa were left alone in the middle of the big city.

Vera thinks: “It’s good that we have bread with us. We won’t die right away.”

And they went wherever they looked. And their eyes looked mainly at the swings and various posters on the walls.

Here they go, taking their time, holding hands, looking at the city. And we ourselves are a little scared: where is home? Where is Dad? Where's mom? Where is grandma with lunch? Nobody knows. And Vera begins to cry and sob a little.

And then the policeman approached them:

Hello, young citizens! Where are you going?

Vera answers him:

We're going in all directions.

Where are you coming from? - asks the policeman.

“We’re coming from the bakery,” Vera says, and Anfisa points to the loaf in her string bag.

But do you even know your address?

Of course we do.

What is your street?

Vera thought for a moment, and then said:

Pervomaiskaya street named after the First of May on Oktyabrskoye Highway.

“I see,” says the policeman, “what kind of house is it?”

Brick, says Vera, with all the amenities.

The policeman thought for a moment, and then said:

I know where to look for your house. Only one bakery sells such soft loaves. In Filippovskaya. It's on Oktyabrsky Highway. Let's go there and we'll see.

He took his radio transmitter in his hands and said:

Hello, duty officer, I found two children in the city. I'll take them home. I'll leave my booth for now. Send someone to replace me.

The duty officer answered him:

I won't send anyone. I have half a division on potatoes. No one will steal your booth. Let it stay that way.

And they walked around the city. The policeman asks:

“I can,” says Vera.

What is written here? - He pointed to one poster on the wall.

Vera read:

“For younger schoolchildren! "Thick-pepper boy."

And this boy was not thickly peppered, but gutta-percha, which means rubber.

Aren't you a junior schoolgirl? - asked the policeman.

No, I go to kindergarten. I'm a horsewoman. And Anfisa is a horsewoman.

Suddenly Vera shouted:

Oh, this is our house! We have already arrived!

They went up to the third floor and stood at the door.

How many times should I call? - asks the policeman.

“We don’t reach the bell,” says Vera. - We knock our feet.

The policeman tapped his feet. Grandma looked out and looked scared:

They've already been arrested! What have they done?

No, grandma, they didn't do anything. They got lost. Receive and sign. And I went.

No, no, no! - said the grandmother. - How impolite! I have soup on the table. Sit down and eat with us. And drink tea.

The policeman was even confused. He was completely new. They were not told anything about this at the police school. They were taught what to do with criminals: how to take them, where to hand them over. But they didn’t say anything about soup or tea with the grandmothers.

He still stayed and sat on pins and needles, and listened to his walkie-talkie all the time. And on the radio they kept saying:

Attention! Attention! All posts! On a suburban highway, a bus carrying pensioners slid into a ditch. Send a tractor-trailer.

More attention. A free car is asked to drive up to the street of the writer Chekhov. There, two old women carried a suitcase and sat down on the roadway.

Grandma says:

Oh, what interesting radio programs you have. More interesting than on TV and on Mayak.

And the radio reports again:

Attention! Attention! Attention! The tractor-trailer truck is cancelled. The pensioners themselves pulled the bus out of the ditch. And everything is fine with the grandmothers. A passing detachment of schoolchildren carried their suitcases and grandmothers to the station. Everything is fine.

Then everyone remembered that Anfisa had been gone for a long time. They look, and she’s spinning in front of the mirror, trying on a police cap.

At this time the radio says:

Policeman Matveenko! What are you doing? Are you on duty?

Our policeman stood up and said:

I'm always on duty! Now I’m finishing my second meal and heading to my booth.

You’ll finish the second one at home! - the duty officer told him. - Return to your post immediately. Now the American delegation will pass by. We need to give them the green light.

Got the hint! - said our policeman.

This is not a hint! That's an order! - the duty officer answered sternly.

And policeman Matveenko went to his post.

Since then, Vera has learned her address by heart: Pervomaisky Lane, building 8. Near Oktyabrsky Highway.

Story six: HOW VERA AND ANFISA SERVED AS A TEACHING MANUAL

There was never a dull moment in the house. Anfisa gave everyone work to do. Then it will climb into the refrigerator and come out covered in frost. Grandma shouts:

White devil from the refrigerator!

Then he will climb into a closet with clothes and come out of there in a new outfit: a jacket elongated to the ground, a scarf on his bare feet, a knitted hat in the shape of a woman’s sock, and on top of all this a shortened bra in the form of a belt.

How she will get out of the closet in this outfit, how she will walk along the carpet with the look of a European fashion model, wagging all her paws - either stand or fall! And it takes an hour to put things in order in the closet.

Therefore, Vera and Anfisa were put out on the street at the first opportunity. Dad often walked with them.

One day dad was walking with Vera and Anfisa in the children's park. My father’s friend, zoology teacher Valentin Pavlovich Vstovsky, was walking with them. And his daughter Olechka was walking.

The dads talked like two English lords, and the children galloped in different directions. Then Anfisa took both dads by the hands and began to swing on the dads, like on a swing.

A salesman with balloons walked ahead. How Anfisa will swing and grab the balls! The seller got scared and threw the balls. Anfisa was carried along the alley on the balls. The dads barely caught up with her and unhooked her from the balls. And I had to buy three burst balloons from the seller. It is very disappointing to buy burst balloons. But the seller almost didn’t swear.

Here Valentin Pavlovich says to dad:

You know what, Vladimir Fedorovich, please give me Vera and Anfisa for one lesson. I want to give a lecture to sixth graders about the origins of man.

Dad responds to this:

I'll give you Anfisa, and take your daughter. You have the same one.

And it’s not like that at all,” says Vstovsky. - Mine is no different from a monkey at all. You see, they are both hanging upside down on a branch. And your Vera is a strict girl. It is immediately obvious that she is smarter than a monkey. And there will be great benefits for science.

Dad agreed for this benefit. Just asked:

What will the lecture be like?

Here's what it is. Bananas were brought to our city. I’ll put a banana on the table, Anfisa will immediately grab it, and Vera will sit quietly. I will tell the guys: “Do you see how a person differs from a monkey? He thinks, and thinks not only about bananas, but also about how to behave, because there are people all around.”

A convincing example,” said Dad.

And bananas were actually brought to the city, for the second time in this five-year period.

It was just a holiday for the city.

And indeed, all the people in the city were buying bananas. Some in a string bag, some in a plastic bag, some just in their pockets.

And all the people came to Vera’s parents’ house and said: “We don’t really need these bananas, and your Anfisa will be lost without them. She misses bananas like we miss pickles.”

Eat, eat, girl... that is, little animal!

Dad put bananas in the refrigerator, mom made jam from them, and grandmother Larisa Leonidovna dried them over the stove, like mushrooms.

And when Vera stretched her hands to the bananas, she was sternly told:

This was not brought to you, this was brought to Anfisa. You can live without bananas, but she can’t.

Anfisa was literally stuffed with bananas. And she went to bed with a banana in her mouth and a banana in each paw.

And in the morning they were taken to a lecture.

In the class there was a smart teacher Vstovsky and two whole classes of sixth graders. There were all sorts of posters on the wall on the topic: “Is there life on Earth, and where did it come from?”

These were posters of our hot planet, then a cooled planet, then a planet covered with an ocean. Then there were drawings of all kinds of marine microlife, the first fish, monsters crawling onto land, pterodactyls, dinosaurs and other representatives of the ancient zoo of the Earth. In short, it was a whole poem about life.

Teacher Valentin Pavlovich seated Vera and Anfisa at his table and began the lecture.

Guys! There are two creatures sitting in front of you. Man and monkey. Now we will conduct an experiment. To see the difference between man and monkey. So I take a banana out of my briefcase and put it on the table. See what happens.

He took out a banana and put it on the table. And then came the delicate moment. The monkey Anfisa turned away from the banana, and Vera grabbed it!

Teacher Vstovsky was shocked. He never expected such an act from Vera. But a prepared question escaped his lips:

How, guys, is a man different from a monkey?

The boys immediately shouted:

Man thinks faster!

Teacher Vstovsky sat down on the front desk facing the board and grabbed his head. Guard! But at that moment Vera peeled the banana and handed a piece to Anfisa. The teacher immediately resurrected:

No, guys, the difference between a man and a monkey is not that he thinks faster, but that he thinks about others. He cares about others, about friends, about comrades. Man is a collective being.

He turned to the class:

Come on, let's all look at the posters! Tell me, who does Pithecanthropus look like?

The boys immediately shouted:

To the caretaker Antonov!

No. He looks like a man. He already has an ax in his hands. And an ax is already a means of collective labor. They use them to cut down trees for the house and branches for the fire. People are warming up together around the fire, singing songs. Scientists say that labor created man. They are wrong. Man was created by the collective!

The schoolchildren even opened their mouths. Wow - their school teacher knows more than scientists!

And primitive people look at sixth-graders and, it seems, tell them about themselves.

So, what is the difference between a human and a monkey? - asked teacher Vstovsky.

There was the most stupid boy in the class, but the smartest one, Vasya Ermolovich. He is screaming:

A monkey sits in the zoo, but a man goes to the zoo!

Any other opinions?

Eat! - shouted the solid C student Pasha Gutiontov. - A person is raised by a collective, and a monkey is raised by nature.

Well done! - Teacher Vstovsky calmed down. If a solid C-student has mastered the material, others will definitely learn it or later, later, they will understand.

Thank you, Vera and Anfisa!

And the class showered Vera and Anfisa with gifts: lighters, chewing gum, ballpoint pens, a gun with suction cups, erasers, pencil cases, glass balls, light bulbs, a nut, a bearing and other things.

Vera and Anfisa came home very important. Of course, they gave a whole lecture because of them! Because of this importance, they forgot about all sorts of disgrace and behaved well all day until the evening. And then it started again! They slept in the closet.

Story seven VERA AND ANFISA PUTTING OUT A FIRE (BUT FIRST THEY SET IT OUT)

Dad and mom worked at school on Saturdays. Because poor schoolchildren study on Saturdays... And the kindergarten did not work on Saturdays. Therefore, Vera and Anfisa sat at home with their grandmother.

They loved to sit at home with their grandmother on Saturdays. It was mostly the grandmother who sat, and they jumped and climbed all the time. And they also loved to watch TV. And play what is shown on TV.

For example, a grandmother sits and sleeps in front of the TV, and Vera and Anfisa bandage her with tape to the chair. So the film is about the life of a spy.

If Anfisa is sitting on the closet, and Vera is shooting at her with a broom from under the bed, it means they are showing a film about the war. And if Vera and Anfisa dance the dance of little swans, it is clear that there is an amateur concert.

One Saturday there was a very interesting program: “Hide matches from children.” A program about fires.

Anfisa saw the beginning of the program, went to the kitchen and found matches, and immediately put them in her cheek.

The matches have become wet and you can’t start a fire with them. They can't even light gas. Getting your matches wet can get you in trouble from your grandmother.

Vera says:

We'll dry it.

She took an electric iron and began to move the matches. The matches dried out, caught fire and started smoking. Grandma woke up in front of the TV. He sees that there is a fire on the TV, and the house smells of smoke. She thought: “This is what technology has come to! On TV, not only the color is conveyed, but also the smell.”

The fire was growing. The house became very hot. Grandma woke up again:

“Oh,” he says, “they’re already transmitting the temperature!”

And Vera and Anfisa hid under the bed out of fear. Grandma ran to the kitchen and began carrying pots of water. I poured out a lot of water - three pots, but the fire did not subside. Grandma started calling dad at school:

Oh, we're on fire!

Dad answers her:

We also have a fire. There were three commissions. From the region, from the district and from the center. Progress and attendance are checked.

Grandmother then began to take things out into the entrance - spoons, teapots, cups.

Then Vera crawled out from under the bed and called the fire brigade on phone 01. And she said:

Firemen, we have a fire.

Where do you live, girl?

Vera answers:

Pervomaisky lane, house 8. Near Oktyabrsky highway. Khysty microdistrict.

A fireman asks a friend:

Khystoy microdistrict, what is this?

“This is the eighteenth,” he answers. - We have no others.

Girl, wait for us,” said the fireman. - We're leaving!

The firefighters sang their firefighting anthem and rushed into the car.

And the house became very hot. The curtains were already on fire. Grandma took Vera by the hand and dragged her out of the apartment. And Vera insists:

I won’t go without Anfisa!

And Anfisa runs into the bath, takes water into her mouth and sprinkles it on the fire.

I had to show Anfisa the chain. She was more afraid of this chain than fire. Because when she was very hooligan, she was tied to this chain for the whole day.

Then Anfisa calmed down, and she and Vera began to sit on the windowsill in the entrance.

Grandma keeps running into the apartment. He will come in, take a valuable thing - a saucepan or a ladle - and run out into the entrance.

And then the fire escape pulled up to the window. A fireman in a gas mask opened the window and climbed into the kitchen with a hose.

The grandmother rashly thought that this was an evil spirit and how she would hit him with a frying pan. It’s good that gas masks are made with a quality mark, but frying pans are made using the old method, without state acceptance. The frying pan fell apart.

And the fireman poured a little water on the grandmother with a hose to calm her down, so that she would not be so hot. And he began to put out the fire. He quickly put it out.

Just at this time, mom and dad are returning home from school. Mom says:

Oh, it looks like someone is on fire in our house! Who has it?

Yes, this is ours! - Dad shouted. - My grandmother called me!

He quickly ran forward.

How is my Faith? How is my Anfisa? How is my grandmother doing?

Thank God, everyone was safe.

Since then, dad hid matches from Vera, Anfisa and grandmother under lock and key. And in the book of gratitude he wrote gratitude to the fire brigade in verse:

Our firefighters

The leanest!

The slimmest!

The most worthy!

The best firefighter in the world is Russian,

He is not afraid of any fire!

Story Eight VERA AND ANFISA OPEN THE ANCIENT DOOR

Every evening, dad and Larisa Leonidovna sat down with Anfisa at the table and looked at what had accumulated in her cheek pouches during the day.

What was not there! And you get a watch, and you get bottles, and one day even a police whistle.

Dad said:

Where is the policeman himself?

“He probably didn’t fit in,” my mother answered.

One day, dad and grandma are watching, and a large old key sticks out of Anfisa. It's copper and doesn't fit in your mouth. Just like a mysterious old door from a fairy tale.

Dad looked and said:

I wish I could find the door to this key. There's probably an old treasure with coins behind it.

No, said mom. - Behind that door there are old dresses, beautiful mirrors and jewelry.

Vera thought: “It would be nice if there were live old tiger cubs or puppies sitting behind this door. If only we could live happily!”

Grandma told mom and dad:

No matter how it is. I'm sure that behind this door there are old padded jackets and a bag of dried cockroaches.

If Anfisa had been asked what was behind this door, she would have said:

Five bags of coconuts.

And what else?

And one more bag.

Dad thought for a long time and decided:

If there is a key, there must be a door.

He even hung this notice in the teacher’s room at school:

“Whoever finds the door of this key will receive half of what is behind this door.”

Below the ad he hung the key on a string. And all the teachers read the announcement and remembered: had they encountered this very door somewhere?

The cleaning lady Maria Mikhailovna came and said:

I don’t even need everything that’s behind this door for free.

The teachers listened:

What is it worth there?

There are skeletons there. And the rest is nonsense.

What skeletons? - Zoology teacher Valentin Pavlovich became interested. - I ordered skeletons twice, but they still won’t give me. You have to show the human structure on yourself. But all my proportions are wrong.

The other teachers listened. Vera's dad also asks:

Maria Mikhailovna, what kind of nonsense is this?

Yes, yes,” answers Maria Mikhailovna. - Some globes, some chatterers with handles. There is nothing interesting, not a single broom or rag for the floor.

Then an initiative group of teachers was formed. They took the key and said:

Show us, Maria Mikhailovna, this treasured door.

Let’s go,” says Maria Mikhailovna.

And she led them to the old utility building, where the gym used to be in the royal gymnasium. There the stairs went down to the boiler room. And up it led to the old observatory. And under the stairs there is an old door.

“Here is your door,” says Maria Mikhailovna.

As soon as the door was opened, everyone gasped. What's not there! And two skeletons are standing, shaking their arms. And the stuffed wood grouse is huge, completely new. And some instruments with arrows. And even three soccer balls.

The teachers screamed and jumped up and down. The physics teacher, my mother’s friend, young Lena Egorycheva, even began to hug everyone:

Look, there's a machine for producing electrostatic electricity! Yes, there are four voltmeters here. And in lessons we try electricity on the tongue in the old fashioned way.

Valentin Pavlovich Vstovsky even danced a waltz with the skeleton:

These are the skeletons. With a quality mark! One is even pre-revolutionary. Here it is written: “HUMAN SKELETON. Supplier of His Majesty’s Court Semizhnov V.P.”

I wonder,” says dad, “did he supply skeletons to the yard or is this the skeleton of the supplier when he was already supplied?”

Everyone began to think about this mysterious secret.

And then the supply manager Antonov came running excited. He is screaming:

I will not let it! This is school good, people's good. That means it's a draw.

The teachers argued with him:

How is it a draw if it is popular? If it is popular, then it is ours.

If it were yours, it would have worn out and deteriorated long ago. And here it will stand completely intact for another hundred years.

His teachers are begging him to distribute all this to his classrooms. And he is categorically against it:

I am a supply manager myself, my dad was a supply manager, and my grandfather was a school supply manager at the gymnasium. And we saved it all.

Then dad came up to him, hugged him and said:

Our dear Antonov Mitrofan Mitrofanovich! We are not asking for ourselves, for the guys. They will study better and behave better. They will go into science. They will become new scientists, engineers, and large supply managers. We will even ask you to teach them management skills during labor lessons.

For a long time no one called the caretaker Antonov Mitrofan Mitrofanovich, everyone called him simply: “Where has our supply manager Antonov disappeared to?” And when he imagined how he would teach management, he completely melted:

Okay, take everything. Good people don't mind anything. Just take care of your school property!

The teachers went in different directions, some with what: some with a skeleton, some with a dynamo for electrostatic electricity, some with a globe measuring one meter by meter.

Mitrofan Mitrofanovich approached Vera’s dad and said:

And this is a personal gift for you. Big squirrel wheel. Once upon a time there lived a bear cub at the school, he tumbled in this wheel. My grandfather soldered this wheel. Let your Anfisa spin in it.

Dad thanked Mitrofan Mitrofanovich very much. And I took the wheel home on a school cart. And first of all, Vera got into the wheel, of course, and then Anfisa.

Since then, life has become easier for Verina’s grandmother. Because Vera and Anfisa did not get off the wheel. Then Vera is spinning inside, Anfisa is running on top. On the contrary, Anfisa is moving inside with crooked paws, and Vera is mincing on top. Otherwise, both of them are dangling inside, only the bars are creaking.

When Valentin Pavlovich Vstovsky came to dad, he looked at all this and said:

It's a pity that I didn't have such a thing as a child. Then I would be five times more athletic. And all my proportions would be correct.

Story nine: WORK DAY IN KINDERGARTEN

Previously, Vera did not like going to kindergarten. She made a squeak every time:

Dad, daddy, I'd rather sit at home. My head hurts so much that my legs can't bend!

Why are you sick with us, girl?

Near death.

Everything will pass in kindergarten, all death is yours.

And it’s true that death passed as soon as Vera entered the kindergarten. And her legs bent, and her head passed through. The hardest part was getting to kindergarten.

And when Anfisa appeared in the house, Vera began to go to kindergarten easily. And it became easy to wake up, and she forgot about her death, and it was almost impossible to pick her up from kindergarten.

Oh, daddy, I’ll play for two more hours!

And all because there was a very good teacher in the garden, Elizaveta Nikolaevna. She came up with something every day.

Today she told the children:

Guys, we have a very difficult day today. Today we will have labor education. We will carry bricks from place to place. Do you know how to carry bricks?

Vera asked:

Where are our bricks?

Oh yes! - the teacher agreed. - We forgot about the bricks. Let Anfisa be a brick for us. We will carry it. You, Anfisa, will be our teaching aid. That is, a brick allowance. Agree?

Anfisa doesn’t understand what bricks are or what a teaching aid is. But when asked, she always says, “Uh-huh.”

So, bricks can be carried on a stretcher, they can be transported in a wheelbarrow. Children, Vitalik, take a small stretcher and, together with Vera, carry Anfisa.

The children did just that. However, Anfisa was not exactly a brick. The teacher barely had time to reprimand her:

Bricks, bricks, don't ride on a stretcher! Bricks, bricks, why did you take Vitalik’s cap? Bricks, bricks, you must lie still. Here's your time! The bricks are sitting on our tree. Okay, now let’s leave the bricks alone and let’s get busy painting the building. I ask everyone to pick up their brushes.

The teacher handed out brushes and buckets of paint to everyone.

Attention, children! This is educational paint. That is, ordinary water. We will study to be a painter. Dip the brush into the paint and move the brush along the wall. Anfisa, Anfisa, they didn’t give you a bucket. What do you use to paint the fence?

Vitalik Eliseev said:

Elizaveta Nikolaevna, she paints the fence with compote.

Where did she get it?

They put it out in a pan on the window to cool.

Guard! - the teacher shouted. - Anfisa left kindergarten without compote! Let's learn to do without sweets. And now we will start raising Anfisa. Let's look at her behavior, look at her personal file.

But it was not possible to sort out the personal file because the bees arrived.

Guard! - Elizaveta Nikolaevna shouted. - Bees! A whole hive! They arrived for compote. We are conducting a training session on how to save yourself from bees while traveling. The best way to escape from bees is to dive into the pool. We run into the pool and dive in as one.

The guys ran into the pool all as one. Only Anfisa didn’t run. She had been afraid of this pool since last time.

The bees bit her a little. Her whole face was swollen. Anfisa crawled into the closet from the bees. Sits in the closet and cries.

Then dad came. And Elizaveta Nikolaevna returned with the wet babies. Dad asked:

What do you have? Was it raining?

Yes, biting rain of bees.

Why did your bees start flying?

But because some people paint buildings with compote.

Who is it that paints your buildings with compote?

Yes, one of your good friends, such a mysterious lady-citizen named Anfisa.

Where is that mysterious lady citizen? - Dad asked.

Most likely, she is sitting in the closet. That's where it is located.

Dad opened the closet and saw: Anfisa sitting and whining.

Oh,” says dad, “how plump she has become!”

No, she’s not plump,” the teacher answers. - She was bitten by a bee.

“I don’t know what to do,” says dad. - Maybe we should give it to the zoo?

Here all the children will cry. The teacher says:

Don't cry, children, you are already wet.

Then she says to dad:

As far as I understand, our kindergarten will not part with Anfisa. If she goes to the zoo, then we go to the zoo. Children, do you want to go to the zoo?

We want! - the children shouted.

To elephants and boa constrictors?

To hippos and crocodiles?

To frogs and cobras?

Do you want them to eat you, gore you, bite you?

This is very good. But to get into the zoo, you have to behave well. You must be able to wash the floors, make your bed, wash cups and spoons. So, let's start cleaning the floor.

Well, guys,” dad said to Vera and Anfisa, “let’s go home.”

“What are you talking about, dad,” Vera said in response. - Now the fun is just beginning. We will wash the floors.

Story tenth VERA AND ANFIS A TAKE PART IN THE PLAY “THREE MUSKETERS”

Every school has a New Year. And at the school where Vera’s dad and mom worked, he was also getting closer.

The teachers of this school decided to make a gift for the children - to prepare for them a performance based on the book by the writer Dumas “The Three Musketeers”.

Dad, of course, played the main role - the musketeer D'Artagnan. He forged his own sword in the school’s production workshops. Grandmother Larisa sewed him a beautiful musketeer's cloak with a white cross on the back. From three old hats he made himself one, but very beautiful, with ostrich feathers from a rooster.

In general, dad became the right musketeer.

Zoology teacher Valentin Pavlovich Vstovsky played the Duke of Rochefort - such a dark, unpleasant person in the service of Cardinal Richelieu. And Richelieu was played by the head teacher of the senior classes Pavlyonok Boris Borisovich.

Dad and Vstovsky shouted to each other all day long: “Your sword, you unfortunate thing!” - and they fought with swords. They fought so well that two windows in the gym were broken and one chair in the auditorium was practically turned into powder. The caretaker Antonov, despite all his love for dad and art, cursed and got angry for about five minutes. And then he said:

I'll put in some more glass. And it’s almost impossible to glue a chair together. But you have to try.

He put the chair in a bag and took it home to try. He loved school furniture so much.

Mom, of course, played the Queen of France. First of all, she was very beautiful. Secondly, she knew French perfectly. Thirdly, she has a beautiful dress left over from when she was a bride. White dress with stars. Only queens wear these, and not to work, but on holidays.

School director Pyotr Sergeevich Okunkov, of course, was unanimously elected King of France. He was both personable and strict, like a real king. And the schoolchildren simply would not have believed in another king.

All teachers got good roles. After school everyone rehearsed and rehearsed. Sometimes mom and dad took Vera and Anfisa with them. They sat in the corner of the stage under the piano. Vera listened to everything, frozen, and Anfisa tried to grab some of the participants by the leg.

And sometimes there were inconsistencies. For example, the King of France Pyotr Sergeevich Okunkov speaks in a royal voice:

Where is my faithful minister of the court, the Marquis de Bourville?

The courtiers answer him in sadness:

He is not here. Poisoned by an enemy cutlet, he passed away a week ago.

And at this moment, the Marquis de Bourville, aka the caretaker Mitrofan Mitrofanovich Antonov, in all his marquis attire from the old school velvet curtain, suddenly plops down at the king’s feet at full height. Because he was walking near the piano, and Anfisa grabbed him by the boot.

This means that he was poisoned badly, says the stern King Louis the Sixteenth, if he is trying to disrupt our royal council with his clumsy fall. Take him away and poison him properly!

Antonov then swears at Anfiska:

Take this zoo corner to grandma's. I don't have the strength to tolerate him at school.

“We would clean it,” says mom, “but grandma doesn’t have the strength to tolerate this corner of the house.” This corner almost burned our house down. When he is here, we are calmer.

But most of all Anfisa was interested in the royal pendants. If you remember, in The Three Musketeers, the French king gave the queen precious pendants for her birthday. Very beautiful diamond pendants. And the queen was frivolous. Instead of giving everything to the house, everything to the house, she gave these pendants to one Duke of Buckingham from England. She liked this duke very much. And she had a cool relationship with the king. And the harmful and treacherous Duke Richelieu - remember, Pavlenok Boris Borisovich - told the king everything. And says:

Your Majesty, ask the Queen: “Where are my pendants?” I wonder what she will tell you. She has nothing to say.

After that, the most important thing began. The queen replies that the pendants are being repaired, nothing serious, they say. Will be soon. And the king says: “Then let them be on you. We'll have a royal ball soon. Please wear these pendants to the ball. Otherwise I might think badly of you.”

Then the queen asks D'Artagnan to ride to England to bring the pendants. He gallops, brings pendants, and everything ends well.

So Anfisa was not so much interested in the performance as in these pendants. She literally couldn't take her eyes off them. Anfisa has never seen anything more beautiful in her life. In her distant Africa, such pendants did not grow on trees and the locals did not wear them.

Soon the New Year is almost here. Mom and Dad began to get ready for school for the holiday. They put on smart suits and combed their hair. Dad began to attach the sword. Grandmother began to put Vera and Anfisa to bed.

Suddenly mom says:

Where are the pendants?

As where? - says dad. - They were lying near the mirror, in a box. Mom says:

There is a box, but no pendants.

So, we need to ask Anfisa,” dad decided. - Anfisa, Anfisa, come here!

But Anfisa isn’t going anywhere. She is sitting in her crib, wrapped in a rug. Dad took Anfisa and brought her into the light. He sat me down on a chair under a lamp.

Anfisa, open your mouth!

Anfisa doesn't matter. And he doesn’t open his mouth. Dad tried to force her mouth open. Anfisa growls.

Wow! - says dad. - This has never happened to her. Anfisa, give me the pendants, otherwise things will get worse.

Anfisa doesn't give anything away. Then dad took a tablespoon and began to unclench Anfisa’s teeth with a tablespoon. Then Anfisa opened her mouth and chewed on this spoon like a straw.

Wow! - says dad. - Our Anfisa is no joke! What do we do?

What to do? - says mom. - I'll have to take it with me to school. We don't have time.

Then Vera screams from her bed:

And me to school! And me to school!

But you didn’t eat the pendants! - says dad.

“And I can eat it too,” Vera answers.

What are you teaching your child? - Mom is indignant. - Okay, daughter, get dressed quickly. We run to school on New Year's Day.

Grandma says:

You are completely crazy! Children outside at night in winter! Yes, even to school, to the auditorium.

Dad said to this:

And you, Larisa Leonidovna, instead of grumbling, it would be better to get ready too. The whole family will go to school.

Grandmother did not stop grumbling, but began to get ready.

Should I take the potty with me?

What kind of pot? - Dad shouts. - What, there are no toilets at school, why are we starting to carry potties with us?

In general, half an hour before the start of the performance, dad, mom and everyone else came to school. Director Pyotr Sergeevich Louis the Sixteenth swears:

What took you so long? We're worried because of you.

And the head teacher of the senior classes, Boris Borisovich Richelieu, commands:

Let's quickly get the kids to the teachers' room and get on stage! We will hold the last rehearsal.

The grandmother took the children and animals to the teachers' room. There were a lot of different suits and coats lying on the sofas. She stuffed Vera and Anfisa into these suits.

Sleep for now. When the most interesting thing happens, you will be woken up.

And Vera and Anfisa fell asleep.

Soon the spectators gathered. The music started playing and the performance began. The teachers played just great. Musketeers guarded the king. And they saved everyone. They were brave and kind. Cardinal Richelieu's guards committed every possible evil, arresting everyone and throwing them behind bars.

Dad fought all the time with Duke Rochefort of Vstovsky. Even sparks flew from their swords. - And dad mostly won. Richelieu's affairs went from bad to worse. And then Richelieu found out about the pendants. Milady, such a harmful woman, the head teacher of junior classes, Serafima Andreevna Zhdanova, told him about this.

And so Richelieu approaches the king and says: “Ask, Your Majesty, the queen: “Where are my pendants?” What will she tell you? She has nothing to say.

The Queen really has nothing to say. She immediately calls Papa D'Artagnan and asks:

Ah, my dear D’Artagnan! Hurry straight to England and bring me these pendants. Otherwise I would die.

D'Artagnan answers:

I won't allow this! And all the other musketeers won’t allow it! Wait for me and I will return!

He ran out behind the curtain, jumped on his horse and galloped straight to the teachers' room. There he grabbed Anfiska by the collar - and again on stage. And on the stage is already the palace of the Duke of Buckingham. Rich curtains, candles, crystal, brought from home. And the Duke walks around sad and very sad.

D'Artagnan asks him:

Why are you so sad, Duke? What happened?

The Duke answers:

Well, I had diamond pendants from the French queen, but they disappeared somewhere. D'Artagnan says:

I know these pendants. I just came for them. Only you, Duke, don’t be sad. Your favorite monkey stuffed these pendants into his mouth. I saw it myself. Or rather, your lackeys told me about it.

Where's the monkey? - asks the Duke.

The monkey is sitting on your desk, eating a candle.

The Duke turned around, grabbed the monkey and gave it to D’Artagnan:

Dear Musketeer, give these pendants along with the monkey to my beloved French queen. There will be two gifts for her at once.

What's the name of this monkey? - asks the famous musketeer.

She has such a beautiful French name - Anfison!

Oh, I think our queen will really like Anfison. She loves animals so much.

Dad grabbed Anfison and galloped off to France. And there the royal ball is already in full swing. The Queen walks around so worried - there are no pendants in sight. The Duke of Richelieu walks around contentedly, rubbing his hands. And the king keeps asking:

So where are the pendants, honey? I don't see them for some reason.

“They’ll bring it now,” the queen answers and keeps looking at the door.

And then D’Artagnan galloped up:

Here are your favorite pendants, queen. Your maid sent them to you along with the monkey Anfison.

And why?

The monkey stuffed them into his mouth and doesn’t want to part with them.

The queen hands the monkey to the king:

Your Majesty, here is Anfison with pendants. Get it if you don't believe me.

And Anfison growls like two Barbossons. Doesn't want to part with the pendants. The king then says:

I believe, but Richelieu doubts. Let him check.

Anfison was handed over to Richelieu. Only Richelieu is cunning. He ordered a kilogram of nuts and a couple of lighters to be brought on a tray. When Anfison saw these riches, she took the pendants out of her mouth and began stuffing the nuts.

Richelieu took the drooling pendants with two fingers, looked at the light and said:

They! Yours took it, gentlemen musketeers. But we will meet again twenty years later.

Then the curtain fell. The success was deafening. There was such a noise that even Vera woke up in the staff room:

What, the most interesting thing has begun?

And the most interesting thing is over. But still, Vera got a lot of interesting things. Both schoolchildren and teachers gave her many gifts. She danced around the Christmas tree with the kids. And Anfisa was sitting on this tree, licking the Christmas tree decorations.

Story eleven VERA AND ANFISA PARTICIPATE IN A CHILDREN'S DRAWING EXHIBITION

One day a message went through all schools that children's drawings were needed. That soon there will be a regional exhibition of children's drawings. And then the citywide one, and then the Moscow one.

And from Moscow the best drawings will go to an exhibition of children's drawings in Rio de Janeiro.

All the children were given complete freedom - draw with whatever you want: charcoal, oil paints, pencils, embroider. And on whatever you want: on paper, on canvas, on wood. Only the theme of all drawings should be the same: “Why I love my native school.”

And in each class drawing lessons were held on this topic. And whoever didn’t make it in class could go to a special drawing class and work there for real.

All the kids at school sketched it. The older guys drew more with charcoal or pencils. The kids painted only in oils. The younger the guys were, the more confident they got to work, and immediately created masterpieces.

These are the pictures that came to light a week later. Pasha Gutiontov, when he learned the theme, immediately drew a dining room and rosy pies. The picture turned out to be very good, tasty, and has nothing to do with studying.

Lena Loginova painted the following picture: thin-legged loaders are carrying something that looks like a mixture of a concert grand piano and a TV.

The head teacher Serafima Andreevna asked:

What's the name of your drawing?

Very simple. “They brought the computer.”

Is this a computer? - asked Serafima Andreevna. - It's flat, like a typewriter.

Lena said:

And I thought he was huge. Since they talk so much about him. - And yet there were not enough drawings from the kids. Therefore, the two junior classes were gathered in the drawing class, they were given a choice of what to draw and what to draw on, and they were told:

Draw, create. Glorify your home school and the Ministry of Education.

Vera's dad taught this lesson. He brought Vera and Anfisa with him. Because it was on Saturday, when the kindergarten is closed.

Vera took colored pencils and large paper and began drawing on the floor.

Vera, Vera, why are you drawing on the floor?

And it’s more convenient. You can draw from all sides.

Oh, how interesting it is in drawing class! Children sit at tables and easels and draw, draw, draw.

For those who experience bright nature, it’s mostly autumn. Autumn is the easiest to draw, it’s so colorful - you can’t confuse it with any other weather. Some have Cheburashka with flowers, some have only flowers without Cheburashka. Whose picture shows a lopsided rocket flying into space.

Vitalik, Vitalik, why are you drawing a rocket? You need to draw “Why I love my native school”!

Vitalik Pryakhin answers:

Why, I’ll fly straight from school to space!

And you, Vika Eliseeva, why did you draw a cow in the meadow? Does this have anything to do with school?

Of course it does. We recently passed this cow. This cow is called "Pets".

And who is that round one grazing nearby? Is this a frying pan?

No. This is my duck grazing.

Very good duck, yellow. Why does she have four legs?

Vika thought:

How much?

Probably two.

And I also have two ducks. Only one stands behind the other.

Dad approached Vera:

And you, daughter, what are you drawing?

- “My dad is taking the children to the zoo.”

Draw, draw, girl.

What did Anfisa do? She snatched away the largest brush. Then she stole a tube of purple paint from one boy. And I started trying paint on my tongue.

The paint turned out to be tasteless. And Anfisa spat on her easel for a long time. She got these purple stars on a white background. When the purple paint ran out, Anfisa whistled the red one. This time she was smarter. She squeezed red paint onto a brush, like all the guys did.

And lo and behold, a big, nasty fly flew into the classroom. And she sat down right on the paper with Anfisa. Anfisa hits it with a brush. A red sun with rays immediately appeared in her drawing. Bright, free, and the fly flew to another easel.

“Oh, so,” Anfisa thinks, “I’ll show you!”

And again, slam on the fly! And the boy on whose easel the fly landed had no intention of painting the sun. On the contrary, he painted “I am going to school on a winter day.” And suddenly the hot sun shone on him half a winter day.

The boy will be so upset. How he will cry. Let the fly fly from place to place. Anfisa, let's beat this fly. Wherever the fly lands, Anfisa slams her brush! If he sits on a boy, Anfisa clap, if he sits on a girl, Anfisa clap! Then a fly landed on dad, Anfisa and dad clap!

Soon all the children in the art class were marked with red paint, like chickens in a suburban suburban community.

In short, everyone rushed at Anfisa, grabbed her by the arms, legs and tied her to the easel with a rope. Having nothing else to do, Anfisa began to draw more seriously. And I drew green grass, and some ants with suitcases, and a cutaway cucumber. And I also painted and painted with a brush, and with splashes, and with my hands.

What do you get, Vera? - Dad asked.

Zoo.

Dad is watching. Big-headed children walk on thin matches. And around there are various frightened predators in cages: tigers there, carrot-colored striped lions. And there is a small, small elephant in the upper corner.

Why is the elephant so tiny? Is he a dwarf?

No. He's ordinary. It's just a long way to go.

Dad collected all the children’s drawings and put them in a large folder for papers. He took the last drawing from Anfisa.

What shall we call him, Anfisa?

Woohoo! - Anfisa answers.

Dad looked at the drawing carefully and saw there, above the ground between the stars and the sun, a palm drawn by a very thin hand. And dad said:

We will call this drawing “The Kind Hand of the Teacher.”

And I also put the drawing in the folder.

Here our story about Vera and Anfisa comes to an end. There were many, many more adventures with them. You can't tell us everything. But if you really want to, write me a letter, and then I’ll tell you something else. Because I am very friends with their dad, Vladimir Fedorovich. In the meantime, I want to tell you how this last story about a children's drawing competition ended.

All the drawings from the school were sent first to the regional exhibition, then the best drawings from the district went to the city one.

Both the city and regional exhibitions were a success. People walked around, looked at everything and said:

Oh, what a beautiful rocket!

Oh, what a beautiful cow!

Oh, what a beautiful duck on four legs!

But what fascinated me most was the bright, cheerful painting “The Kind Hand of the Teacher.”

This is a drawing! It has everything: the sun, the stars, the grass, and children with suitcases.

And the teacher with his hand calls the children to the bright sun.

See. He calls them to the light even at night.

Although Anfisa didn’t invite anyone anywhere, she just wanted to swat a fly and was spitting tasteless paint.

And then the drawings went abroad, to the hot city of Rio de Janeiro. And there, too, “The Kind Hand of the Teacher” made a good impression. Everyone noted and praised her. And the chief organizing artist said:

I really like this hand. I would even be happy to squeeze it. I think this hand deserves first prize.

But other organizing artists argued. They said that the author was carried away by symbolism, fell under the influence of the impressionists and too enhanced the light range in a contrasting manner. Although Anfisa wasn’t into anything like that, didn’t fall for anything and didn’t enhance anything at all in a contrasting manner. She was just chasing a fly and spitting out the tasteless paint.

As a result of all the controversy, she was given the third place of honor. And her drawing received the “Crystal Vase with Color Stain” prize.

Soon this vase arrived in Moscow, and from Moscow to the city of Anfisin. On the vase is the signature “Anfison Matthew. THE USSR". And they brought this vase to school. They gathered all the young artists and announced:

Guys! We had great joy. Our drawing “Teacher's Hand” took third place in the international exhibition in Rio de Janeiro. The author of this drawing is Anfison Matthew!

School director Pyotr Sergeevich said:

I didn’t even know we had such a student. I ask this worthy young man to come on stage.

But no one came on stage, because there was no such worthy young man, Anfison Matthew, but only the monkey Anfiska.

And Vera’s dad confessed everything about how he sent Anfisa’s drawing along with the children’s drawings to the exhibition. And then the director said:

This means that our drawing school is very good, if even our monkeys draw no worse than foreign schoolchildren. And let's clap our Anfisa and give her the crystal vase, deservedly. And let's fill it with delicious and interesting things. Take out of your pockets what you have.

And the guys began to take it out, and the vase quickly filled with candies, gingerbread cookies, erasers, beads and other interesting things.

In the evening Vera and Anfisa had big celebration. They shared these interesting things between themselves and their grandmother.

Everyone was happy. And most of all Anfisa liked the cup “Crystal vase with stains”. Anfisa licked this cup for two whole days!

The story “About Vera and Anfisa” tells about the friendship of the girl Vera and the monkey Anfisa and about their adventures in the big city, in Vera’s family and in kindergarten.

Story one - WHERE ANFISA CAME FROM 1

Story two - FIRST TIME IN KINDERGARTEN 1

Story three - HOW VERA AND ANFISA WENT TO THE POLYCLINIC 3

Story four - VERA AND ANFISA GO TO SCHOOL 4

Story five - VERA AND ANFISA GOT LOST 5

Story six - HOW VERA AND ANFISA SERVED AS A TEACHING MANUAL 6

Story seven - VERA AND ANFISA PUTTING OUT A FIRE (BUT FIRST THEY SET IT OUT) 7

Story eight - VERA AND ANFISA OPEN THE ANCIENT DOOR 8

Story nine - WORK DAY IN KINDERGARTEN 9

Story tenth - VERA AND ANFIS A TAKE PART IN THE PLAY "THREE MUSKETERS" 9

Story eleven - VERA AND ANFISA PARTICIPATE IN THE EXHIBITION OF CHILDREN'S DRAWINGS 11

GALINA LAVRENKO 12

ABOUT FAITH AND ANFISA

Story one
WHERE ANFISA CAME FROM

In one city there lived a family - father, mother, girl Vera and grandmother Larisa Leonidovna. Dad and mom were school teachers. And Larisa Leonidovna was a school director, but retired.

No country in the world has so many leading teaching staff per child! And the girl Vera was supposed to become the most educated in the world. But she was capricious and disobedient. Either he catches a chicken and starts swaddling it, or the next boy in the sandbox gets cracked by the scoop so much that he has to take the scoop in for repairs.

Therefore, grandmother Larisa Leonidovna was always next to her - at a short distance, one meter. It's like she's the bodyguard of the President of the Republic.

Dad often said:

How can I teach other people’s children math if I can’t raise my own child?

Grandmother interceded:

This girl is capricious now. Because it's small. And when she grows up, she won’t hit the neighbors’ boys with a dustpan.

“She’ll start hitting them with a shovel,” dad argued.

One day dad walked past the port where the ships were docked. And he sees: one foreign sailor is offering something to all passers-by in a transparent bag. And passers-by look, doubt, but don’t take it. Dad became interested and came closer. The sailor tells him in clear English:

Dear Mr. Comrade, take this live monkey. She gets seasick all the time on our ship. And when she gets sick, she always unscrews something.

How much will you have to pay for it? - Dad asked.

Not at all necessary. On the contrary, I will also give you an insurance policy. This monkey is insured. If anything happens to her: she gets sick or gets lost, the insurance company will pay you a thousand dollars for her.

Dad gladly took the monkey and gave the sailor his business card. It was written on it:

"Matveev Vladimir Fedorovich - teacher.

The city of Plyos on the Volga.

And the sailor gave him his business card. It was written on it:

"Bob Smith is a sailor.

America".

They hugged, patted each other on the shoulder and agreed to write letters.

Dad came home, but Vera and grandmother were not there. They played in the sandbox in the yard. Dad left the monkey and ran after them. He brought them home and said:

Look what a surprise I have prepared for you.

Grandmother is surprised:

If all the furniture in the apartment is upside down, is it a surprise?

And for sure: all the stools, all the tables and even the TV - everything is placed upside down. And there’s a monkey hanging on the chandelier and licking the light bulbs.

Vera will scream:

Oh, kitty-kitty, come to me!

The monkey immediately jumped down to her. They hugged like two fools, put their heads on each other's shoulders and froze with happiness.

What is her name? - asked the grandmother.

“I don’t know,” says dad. - Kapa, ​​Tyapa, Zhuchka!

“Only dogs are called bugs,” says the grandmother.

Let it be Murka, says dad, or Zorka.

They also found me a cat,” my grandmother argues. - And only cows are called Dawns.

Then I don’t know,” Dad was confused. - Then let's think.

What is there to think about! - says the grandmother. - We had one head of the Rono in Yegoryevsk - the spitting image of this monkey. Her name was Anfisa.

And they named the monkey Anfisa in honor of one of the managers from Yegoryevsk. And this name immediately stuck to the monkey.

Meanwhile, Vera and Anfisa separated from each other and, holding hands, went to the girl Vera’s room to look at everything there. Vera began to show her her dolls and bicycles.

Grandma looked into the room. He sees Vera walking and rocking the big doll Lyalya. And Anfisa follows on her heels and rocks a large truck.

Anfisa is all so smart and proud. She's wearing a hat with a pompom, a T-shirt that's half-length, and rubber boots on her feet.

Grandma says:

Let's go, Anfisa, to feed you.

Dad asks:

With what? After all, prosperity is growing in our city, but bananas are not growing.

What kind of bananas are there! - says the grandmother. - Now we will conduct a potato experiment.

She put sausage, bread, boiled potatoes, raw potatoes, herring, herring peelings in paper and a boiled egg in the shell on the table. She sat Anfisa in a high chair on wheels and said:

On your marks! Attention! March!

The monkey starts eating. First sausage, then bread, then boiled potatoes, then raw ones, then herring, then herring peelings in paper, then a boiled egg in the shell right with the shell.

Before we knew it, Anfisa fell asleep on the chair with an egg in her mouth.

Dad took her out of the chair and sat her on the sofa in front of the TV. Then mom came. Mom came and immediately said:

And I know. Lieutenant Colonel Gotovkin came to see us. He brought this.

Lieutenant Colonel Gotovkin was not a military lieutenant colonel, but a police officer. He loved children very much and always gave them big toys.

What an adorable monkey. Finally learned how to do it.

She took the monkey in her hands:

Oh, so heavy. What can she do?

That's it, dad said.

Does it open your eyes? "Mom says?

The monkey woke up and hugged his mother! Mom screams:

Oh, she's alive! Where is she from?

Everyone gathered around mom, and dad explained where the monkey was from and what its name was.

What breed is she? - asks mom. - What documents does she have?

Dad showed his business card:

"Bob Smith is a sailor.

America".

Thank God, at least it’s not on the street! - Mom said. - What does she eat?

That’s it,” said the grandmother. - Even paper with cleanings.

Does she know how to use a potty?

Grandma says:

Need to try. Let's do a potty experiment.

They gave Anfisa a pot, she immediately put it on her head and looked like a colonizer.

Guard! - says mom. - This is a catastrophe!

Wait,” the grandmother objects. - We'll give her a second potty.

They gave Anfisa a second pot. And she immediately guessed what to do with him.

And then everyone realized that Anfisa would live with them!

Story two
FIRST TIME IN KINDERGARTEN

In the morning, dad usually took Vera to the kindergarten to join the group of children. And he went to work. Grandmother Larisa Leonidovna went to the neighboring housing office to lead a cutting and sewing group. Mom went to school to teach. Where should Anfisa go?

How to where? - Dad decided. - Let him go to kindergarten too.

Where did Anfisa come from?

In one city there lived a family - father, mother, girl Vera and grandmother Larisa Leonidovna. Dad and mom were school teachers. And Larisa Leonidovna was a school director, but retired.
No country in the world has so many leading teaching staff per child! And the girl Vera was supposed to become the most educated in the world. But she was capricious and disobedient. Either he catches a chicken and starts swaddling it, or the next boy in the sandbox gets cracked by the scoop so much that he has to take the scoop in for repairs.
Therefore, grandmother Larisa Leonidovna was always next to her - at a short distance of one meter. It's like she's the bodyguard of the President of the Republic.
Dad often said:
– How can I teach other people’s children math if I can’t raise my own child!

First time in kindergarten

I was once strange
A nameless toy...

I was once strange
FUCK!
A nameless toy
FUCK! FUCK!
Which one in the store
FUCK!
No one will come
FUCK! FUCK! WHAM!

How Vera and Anfisa went to the clinic

End of free trial